when you reach breaking point

gailey_2

Thanks butterfly Brian-that,s useful.

I used to be really good at keeping full store cupboard just last 6months or so since dh started new job.Hes not had much holiday and hes the only driver so not been going food shopping as much or on great reduced hunt although reduced was getting scarce.I did few shops online .

But the cheaper ones aldis/lidls and farmfoods not online.

I worry if he gets pay rise next year will get even more money taken away in child benefit especially if rent and other things rise again.
It would be something silly like 1000payrise lose 2500cb.

I was so much better off as student.

sometimes having no money is always like being outside and looking in.

I just think some people so wasteful or maybe incurring more debts.

Its not that im jealous of others.
its more I struggle to comprehend how a middle income salary in uk goes not very far . I feel like uk is very very expensive place to live.
used to think growing up work hard would have something tow show for it but we dont.

well we have our 3lush kids who area great and they probably keep us positive as we work hard so they dont miss out on anything as they dont realise things are 2nd hand and we try occupy them with cheap/free days out, picnics and build memories.

But I do feel trapped by finacial circumstance at times.

really want to pass car test but cant afford lessons.
want to go back uni-retrain cant afford 9grand tuition fees.
want to return to work but employers want fully flexible which I cant be as no family locally and childcare expensive.

Will keep trying to find little part time job
selling what I can-ebay fees now shocking
surveys not earning much:(
quicdo not really spent or switched much this year so no dosh there.

Tried to save foodstamps but never happens
building store cupboard bit by bit seems better.

we use cloth nappies on baby
im still feeding him
do mostly home cooked.

debts-we pay full min-no dmps/iva in place we feel we owe them the money we need to get it paid back even if they do behave like sub humans at times.

I can see a distant light.

3years time loan ends. youngest starts school so less childcare costs.
hopefully hubby get promotion by then.
I keep thinking has to get better.

we lucky we paid lots of debts off in last few years its been hard but combine the debt busting with rising cost of living and decrease in income its a challenge.

Butterfly_Brain

We were both earning good money in the 90's, but like you we struggled with two small children and interest rates of 15% DH worked days and I worked nights and when I got home I had to get the children ready for school/nursery, prepare the evening meal and manage to get about 3 hours sleep before picking DS up from nursery, then on to work, I only got a good sleep on a Sunday and we still had to go shopping and I had the washing and ironing to do as well, I was Kerried I can tell you. Sometimes my friend would pick the littlies up for me and have them until DH came home so that I could get a few extra hours sleep. Tough times

mardatha

RAS I live in a place a wee bit like you did and I wouldn't swap it for town living for anything. You just have to be organised.
Gailey and BB - hard lessons are the ones that stick, because of hard times we on here have learned so much and we know that we are and will and did survive all life threw at us! Well done :T

PipneyJane

gailey wrote: »

Thanks butterfly Brian-that,s useful.

I used to be really good at keeping full store cupboard just last 6months or so since dh started new job.Hes not had much holiday and hes the only driver so not been going food shopping as much or on great reduced hunt although reduced was getting scarce.I did few shops online .

But the cheaper ones aldis/lidls and farmfoods not online.

I worry if he gets pay rise next year will get even more money taken away in child benefit especially if rent and other things rise again.
It would be something silly like 1000payrise lose 2500cb.

I was so much better off as student.

sometimes having no money is always like being outside and looking in.

I just think some people so wasteful or maybe incurring more debts.

Its not that im jealous of others.
its more I struggle to comprehend how a middle income salary in uk goes not very far . I feel like uk is very very expensive place to live.
used to think growing up work hard would have something tow show for it but we dont.

well we have our 3lush kids who area great and they probably keep us positive as we work hard so they dont miss out on anything as they dont realise things are 2nd hand and we try occupy them with cheap/free days out, picnics and build memories.

But I do feel trapped by finacial circumstance at times.

really want to pass car test but cant afford lessons.
want to go back uni-retrain cant afford 9grand tuition fees.
want to return to work but employers want fully flexible which I cant be as no family locally and childcare expensive.

Will keep trying to find little part time job
selling what I can-ebay fees now shocking
surveys not earning much:(
quicdo not really spent or switched much this year so no dosh there.

Tried to save foodstamps but never happens
building store cupboard bit by bit seems better.

we use cloth nappies on baby
im still feeding him
do mostly home cooked.

debts-we pay full min-no dmps/iva in place we feel we owe them the money we need to get it paid back even if they do behave like sub humans at times.

I can see a distant light.

3years time loan ends. youngest starts school so less childcare costs.
hopefully hubby get promotion by then.
I keep thinking has to get better.

we lucky we paid lots of debts off in last few years its been hard but combine the debt busting with rising cost of living and decrease in income its a challenge.

Big hugs to you Galley.

It's hard not to feel down when everyone else around you appears to be better off. Of course, we know logicially that a lot of them are just digging themselves deeper in debt but logic and emotions don't cancel each other out.

One thing that helps me is micro-budgeting a little of my income each month: setting aside a couple of Pounds a month for this and a couple of Pounds for that. That money gets quarantined - out of the purse and into hiding, so its there when I need it for whatever goal I've set. These are small sums of money, but they do add up. And, after the first month or so, you don't miss the money because it's such a small amount. (Took me 3 years to save up for my iPhone, for example.)

Galley, the student fees thing is a red herring. Martin has pointed out time and again that a low earners won't have to repay and, depending on the course you choose, their are bursaries and/or your fees will be paid for you. Nursing is one of those. Has the "benefit" of shift work, so you could structure your working life to minimize childcare costs. (Hopefully hospitals have got more flexible re part time work and shifts than they were in my day.)

Rant alert

The Child Benefit Thing is so badly thought out. Makes me angry. It's another example of the not-joined-up-thinking British bureaucracy is so good at. Clobber the man (usually) who is supporting his children and a stay at home wife. Don't clobber the parents who both work bringing in twice the income.

(I have a simple solution, which would take away the palaver about tax credits and people not getting the means-tested benefits they're entitled to. Make everyone do a tax return every year, and pay any income related benefits automatically, based on the data filed. Married couples and those cohabiting would have to quote their partner's tax reference number on their return, in order to get those benefits where both incomes are assessed. That would get around any issues of privacy (a bullying husband wouldn't find out about his wife's running away money) and it wouldn't compromise the principle of separate taxation but it would ensure that people get the money to which they are entitled. It would also remove the separate hierarchies that were put in place to administer all the different components.)

Its not that im jealous of others.
its more I struggle to comprehend how a middle income salary in uk goes not very far . I feel like uk is very very expensive place to live.
used to think growing up work hard would have something to show for it but we dont.

Yes, I agree. I've felt that way for a long time. For middle income earners, wages haven't moved in over 20 years. In fact, for a lot of the professions, wages fell in the 1990's and took years to recover to the levels of the 1980's. At the same time, house prices have quadrupled. (Anecdata: back when I first came to London, it was usually cheaper to buy, and pay the mortgage on, a flat than it was to rent the same property. In the early/mid 1990's I could buy a two bed flat on the boarder of Blackheath, SE London, for £43k-£50k. Mortgage on that was £400-ish. Those flats rented for £700.)

The other thing that has hurt middle income earners is tax-band-creep. There have been many Budgets issued by the last three Governments where the threshold for the 40% tax band was held and not moved up with inflation. Remember when Gordon Brown axed the 10% tax band and then backtracked by raising the personal allowance to compensate? He lowered the 40% threshold so that anyone in that band remained worse off. (The current Government is doing the same thing.) The 40% threshold should be a good £10k higher than it is now.

End of ranting (I promise)

We are where we are. No point looking backwards, feeding the guilt and laying blame. We have to make the best of what fate has dealt us. Chin up and shoulder on.

mardatha

Well...chin up shoulder on and rant when you feel like it ? :D

gailey_2

Ahh pipney jane agree with you.

sadly can only dream of getting on housing ladder.

non immaculate credit record and no deposit/savings

being a private tennant can be hard as rent is not controlled.
The rent goes up each year yet landlord spends next to nothing on it the agents charge us annual renewal fees as landlord keeps us on 1year contract we lived here nearly 7years and have 3kids its too small now but cant afford to move.

The uni think I went to uni at 18 and did business was back in early heady days of labour governement when they had daft ideas of 50%going but i lived in small rural town, no jobs with my single mum and house was small so seemed like best option-dont regret moving away.

But new rules say 2nd degree they wont fund tuition and tuitions now 9000 was 1250 when i went.Im one of many mature students caught out, Theres no jobs for life but its expensive to retrain when you have family to support.

I would like to do social work.
not sure could do nursing bit squeemish thourght about it in past.
teaching-know lots of unemployed teachers even ta jobs becoming hard to find as every mum wants a term time job.

Hubbys a retail manager so he works long unsociable hours no cushy pension, min hols, no overtime sometimes works 50-60hour week, no bonus its very no frills. he works weekends, evenings most bank holidays.

His variable shift patterns make finding a job problamatic as have no baby sitters.

Toddler does nursery 1day a week since 18months for her own development thats £40 day and combined breckfast club/after school for eldest is £10 a day. so say I went back full time would have to earn least £80 a day to cover childcare!

I know quite a few people on benefits who are better off as when determining their income they exclude other benefits this means sometimes they have more than say a middle earner net after tax would have as have fewer outgoings and money coming in.

example 1lady has 5kids, shes sahm mum.
had 4bed council house-and rents covered by housing benefit.
gets full tax credits
child benefit*5
carers allowance -as one of her kids has issues.
disability allowance for child
mobility car.
pays no council tax
kids get free school meals.
she has no dentist/optician costs.
pre maternity grant changes where they get surestart grant for 1st baby now.
she would be entitled to nursery education grant from age 2 as most is term after their 3rd birthday.

im not attacking people on benefits just the system.
Most people with familes better off low paid jobs as then get more tax credits to top up and entitled to more things.

The child benefit why should couple on 80grand get but family 42 then no. I read on economy board that due to inflation more and more middle earners technically being dragged into higher 40%bracket.

Why cant they tackle welathy pensioners and winter fuel allowance as they say would be too costly to means test yet they done exact same thing to child benefit.

A lot of the cuts not hit yet.
Apart from 10a week tax credits which is missed we were not too dependant on the state which I guess is good as we largly unaffected.

We have in now way benefited from low interest rates as consumer debts still high interest and we dont own.

We looked into name on council we stand zero chance so not an option.

I know people who got 500 every child and had it 4-5times!
we just re used eldest stuff for younger ones.

The whole family really wants a dog but landlord says no:( we havent told him about hamster of soon to have goldfish.

Every year we dread the letter saying wont renew tennancy as lots houses sold in our street as lots buy to let landlords sold.
Ours has owned this house for 20years so we hope as good longstanding tennants always paid rent in time we have a few years left until we can afford huge costs of moving privatly.

As my nan used to say always plenty people worse off than us.

we safe
we live nice area
we can afford the heating
we have food on table
we have each other.
me and hubby now closer and on same page,
sometimes its just gets tiring , worrying and stressful.
The feeling of dread at checkouts, having to put stuff back.

today its more rain.
toddlers been sick have tonnes washing
letter from agent saying another quarterly inspection on ed so mass tidy/clean as never good inspecting during half term its like me with small shovel during a blizzard.

Today in order to feel more postive

im decluttering and cleaning
listing stuff to sell.
meal planning-already meal planning next month-sent shopping list to hubby in work via email .
looking for cheap 2nd hand printer off ebay so can print off lots of free stuff and coupons.

once septembers out way as eldest goes back and toddlers 3rd birthday i will start

stockpiling for winter
trying to make extra income and find part time job
start squirreling away money for xmas and eldest birthday in feb.
Plan to make lot which will keep my mind of fact we have no money my add always appreciates my homemade food hampers.

Butterfly_Brain

gailey don't buy second hand printers you may not be able to get the ink cartridges because they may have been discontinued
Check out the Argos sale or try staples, they might have some on sale Aldi or lidl sometimes have them as well

monnagran

gailey: my heart goes out to you. I have almost been where you are now. The difference being that we owned a house that was far too big for us and falling down round our ears. I was also living in a very wealthy neighbourhood, surrounded by stockbrokers, bankers, barristers etc. I know that they regarded the fact that I grew all my own veg, wore clothes until they fell apart, made everything from scratch and never went abroad for holidays as one of my 'funny little ways'. I don't think any of them had any idea that this was all done out of dire necessity. I didn't mind that, what I couldn't have borne was anyone feeling sorry for me, I didn't care how eccentric they thought I was.
The only time I wanted to scream was when my youngest aged about 3 had to watch while neighbours children came in to show us the huge ride-on toys they had been given for Christmas. When they had gone he sobbed because he thought that he had not been good enough for Father Christmas to give him such a wonderful present. He soon got over it but I never did, and it still hurts me now.

There are such stories of hardship and bravery on here. I think we can all cope if we are on our own or just a couple, but it's when we are trying to make a home for our family that it is all so frightening.
What good thing we have each other and this forum.

adelight

gailey what can I say? don't think an mse e-hug is really enough. You are exactly the type of family I worry about, you work hard but still struggle and are left to fend for yourselves. Look into the open university as they aim to make their whole degrees cost the same as one year at a conventional uni and your existing degree may enable you to skip a few modules and therefore save a few quid.
monnagran that is so sad
Like people are saying, at least a lot of us have our families around us though. One of my very wealthy school friends saw her Dad one weekend a month and was practically raised by nannies but thought it was ok as it meant they could have a fancy house, horses, private education for some siblings etc. I would rather have a Dad than a horse

threemuttleys

monnagran wrote: »

gailey: my heart goes out to you. I have almost been where you are now. The difference being that we owned a house that was far too big for us and falling down round our ears. I was also living in a very wealthy neighbourhood, surrounded by stockbrokers, bankers, barristers etc. I know that they regarded the fact that I grew all my own veg, wore clothes until they fell apart, made everything from scratch and never went abroad for holidays as one of my 'funny little ways'. I don't think any of them had any idea that this was all done out of dire necessity. I didn't mind that, what I couldn't have borne was anyone feeling sorry for me, I didn't care how eccentric they thought I was.
The only time I wanted to scream was when my youngest aged about 3 had to watch while neighbours children came in to show us the huge ride-on toys they had been given for Christmas. When they had gone he sobbed because he thought that he had not been good enough for Father Christmas to give him such a wonderful present. He soon got over it but I never did, and it still hurts me now.

There are such stories of hardship and bravery on here. I think we can all cope if we are on our own or just a couple, but it's when we are trying to make a home for our family that it is all so frightening.
What good thing we have each other and this forum.

((hugs))

I am genuinely dreading this. I know it will happen for my son too:(:(:(:(:(:(