Trying for a Baby Part 8

clearing_out_my_pockets

I've been AWOL again recently (sorry) so have just caught up with the thread. The lists look amazing and they *almost* make me wish I was in the wine & chocolates zone! When it's next updated could you put a * next to my name - I've started on the conceive plus this month.

TeamLowe - congratulations on ovulating!

QQ - really hope you manage to get things sorted

atton - sorry if this offends, but there is no way I'd have let someone else hold my hand. You say that the action was on his side, but you still let him... You need to distance yourself from him as much as you can.

amyloofoo - that story about card shopping was really sweet. Have a hug from me.

I don't think I need a flashing green ovulation light (I'm lucky enough to have a regular cycle) but maybe an on demand husband would be good. He seems to be obliging this month though. Walked in the door last night and DH was *ahem* more spontaneous than normal! He even provided dinner in bed after! I think psychologically he doesn't want to still be trying in the new year.

I also had an interesting conversation with my mum which I'm not sure how to approach with DH. She has said that if we go down the fertility specialist route, she and my dad would pay for us to go private. It's a generous offer but I'm not sure how DH will take it...

Hugs to anyone I've missed (sorry - it really has been a long time since I posted!)

clearing_out_my_pockets

Oh and Tinks - those dogs are adorable! Hope you and DD2 are feeling a little better

tea_lover

Thanks for all the good wishes ladies, what stars you all are

QQ - I'm generally ok when I'm in there but have been known to have a wobble in the car on the way home. Here's hoping I can hold it together this afternoon.

Have choir tonight which is good - I love singing and it really takes my mind off work and all manner of life-crappyness. But it's also bad - musical director now about 6 months pg and v much of a bump rubber.

tinkwings

Been Working on my pooches to cheer me up

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.371965102893656.86053.262043163885851&type=1

tinkwings

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

Oh and Tinks - those dogs are adorable! Hope you and DD2 are feeling a little better

Thanks COMP x

tea_lover

Oh and Amy - that lady in the shop sounds lovely. Sometimes we all need a random hug. I wouldn't worry about holding tears back, I'm sure you'll be bawling when you see your gorgeous little niece for the first time. She sounds teeny tiny!!

QQuaver

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

Q - I agree with TeamLowe, it seems to me like your OH is having a freak out about the whole TTC thing, and maybe his part in the struggle to conceive has made him lose the plot.

We've been at it for a long time though, brief timeline here:

June 2009 Married, 3 weeks later pg.

Aug 2009 Mc at 11 weeks

Dec 2009 Re-start TTC

June 2010 FS, diagnosed with PCO (me) and bad SA.

June 2010 - Feb 2011 4 clomid cycle and 3 IUIs

Apr 2011 First full IVF

Dec 2011 Different FS, diagnosed with bad SA due to some op DH had when he was a child, my PCO somehow gone. Told ICSI (IVF) is the only way to conceive. 2 weeks later, DH says this is last IVF, but changes his mind.

Dec 2011 - July 2012 4 ICSI (IVF)s.
I was fed up with IVFs after my 3rd, but DH wanted me to do one more so did it. All unsuccessful, but had good ovarian response:cool:

I recall you saying before that he used to question you a lot about where you were in your cycle/had you ov'd etc, which is peculiar as he is so shut off to now. Most men would run a mile from asking those kind of questions, and basically just want to do the BD and that is about it for their contribution!

I think the reason he asked was because he had problem performing, so he wanted to 'save' it for the important day (ov).

Maybe he is hyper-sensitive to the fact you guys have been tryig for so long,

I think it is time to stop IVFs too,

and maybe the mc did affect him more than he maybe showed at the time?

Hmmm.... I don't know.

And maybe as Code has said, he feels he needs to let you go so you can maybe try with someone else?

At my age? (41):rotfl:

hate to ask, but do you suspect he may have met someone else?

I'm looking for signs but I haven't found it yet. It's always a possibility.

To be frank, I think even if that was the case he should man up and tell you.

It's the silence/not knowing which must be particularly hard x

I agree.:(

QQuaver

fannyanna wrote: »

do you really want to stay in this marriage? If the latter is the case you need to make that crystal clear to your Husband.

I want to stay in the marriage. I've never agreed to divorce, I keep asking why? but he won't answer.

you’re both avoiding each other and more importantly you’re both avoiding the massive elephant in the room.

We are.

You perceive that your Husband doesn’t care. He just drops this bombshell on you and then refuses to discuss matters.

Yes.

But I wonder how your Husband might be perceiving things? Have you tried to start a conversation with him about your relationship? Have you tried to tell him how you feel about his request for a divorce? If not, do you think that he could be thinking that you don’t care?

I did ask why? and he won't answer. I did say I'll change (change what?), but he just said don't bother coming back.
But I came back anyway.

I’ve used the D word in the heat of the moment with my Husband. I didn’t mean it. I just got very worked up, couldn’t handle my feelings and as a result blurted out something I didn’t mean. Did I know I was wrong? Yes! Did I really want a divorce? No! Did I backtrack straight away? Hell no! Part of it was stubbornness but part of it was fear. I was scared that he was going to agree with me that we should divorce. I needed reassurance (that we were ok, that he loved me etc) from him before I could admit that I was wrong and that what I said wasn’t actually what I meant.

I never said D word, and I don't get worked up, but DH is a person who says things in the heat of the moment, so thought that could be it.

I think I remember you saying that your Husband struggled with his emotions sometimes. If that is the case it’s even more plausible that he’s overreacted in a particular moment but is now terrified of the consequences of his actions. And maybe he needs a bit of reassurance that it can be ok.

I thought that was it, so I'm trying to show my love by welcoming him back from work with a smile, asking if he had dinner, anything to drink? etc etc but he just ignores.

Maybe I’ve got it all wrong but ultimately you’re never going to get to the bottom of things if you don’t talk. And someone has to make the first move.

Me? I did think about apologizing, but couldn't find anything to apologize about, me being perfect and all:p

I shall remove my big nose from your business.

No don't, stay!!!
We have the weekend together, so I'll try to get to the bottom of this, another woman or not.

QQuaver

Birdie85 wrote: »

He does realise that if it gets as far as divorce, he's going to have to speak to you about it?

His parents never divorced, but was separated for as long as DH can remember.

Sounds like he's worried about the struggle you're having concieving, maybe he thinks he's 'cutting you loose' since the issue is with his swimmers rather than your eggs and you'd probably find it much easier to have a baby with someone else?

Don't think that's an option at my age, at 41. Even with my great ovarian reserve, age is age. By the time I find someone and decide to make a baby, I'll be 45:o

Tell me to s0d off with my intrusive question, but if it did get to divorce do you think you'd go down a donor route and carry on as a single parent?

No. I don't want a baby that much:o

I just feel like you're destined to be an amazing mother and hate to think that the opportunity to do so is being snatched away from you!

:happyhear

victoria270385

Hi Birdie thanks for your reply. Thinking about it that would probably be a good idea, its only 1 night a fortnight so it doesnt matter if its in with us then instead of its own room every now and again. Im getting ahead of myself as im not even pregnant yet, just getting all excited about the future :O) xx