Flying solo

missrlr

Hey there Robin, so glad you are not offended by the thoughts we (specifically I) have posted. Easy to take a fence or a tree of a shrub when reading thoughts.

Sorry just sooooo pleased it is a long weekend here! Silliness has entered my system at the delirious thought of another day I don't have to go to work!

Ahem. Yes well. So back to matters in hand. I think you are being very sensible and please do be vigilant ... MH issues do not mean honesty is top priority

Do get RTL to get focused on the garden and leave the potatoes ..... They will be a bit bigger tomorrow!

*Robin*

HeadAboveWater wrote: »

What you're saying now about how you 'must' help RTL makes sense. I understand. But I also am still concerned. Much as you feel responsible, he is not your responsibility. If this is what you've decided to do then please, please be careful. You need to put yourself and your family first.

Thank you for understanding, HAW.
I am trying to be careful and putting family first; unfortunately that means DGC have not been visiting while R is here, just in case. But both are true children of the C21; despite their tender ages they are already veteran users of Skype so we do get to chat regularly.

Sun_Addict wrote:

Robin all I can say is you are a saint!!!! What a story! You've been through so much - have read your diary from the first page.

Thank you for the kind words, Sun.A but I'm no saint; just a Mum doing what Mums have had to do since time immemorial.
Well done for reading through this record of my past eight months - hope it wasn't too boring!

please-let-me-be-lucky wrote:

I believe everything happens for a reason, and perhaps visitor's impact on your life was indeed to enable you to correctly deal with Roger now.

I agree, Lucky - must admit there have been times when I've wholeheartedly wished I didn't have to work through some of the experiences that have been my lot, especially where there was a sad outcome. Decided years ago that so long as I learned from my mistakes and didn't repeat them, then I shall be able to face infinity with a I]relatively![/I untarnished soul.

NewLeaf wrote:

i understand what you are saying but please do put yourself first

Succinct as always, NL. You've got me musing.. :think: ..Reckon that the "put yourself first" gene evaporates when one's first baby breast-feeds for the very first time. Which is as it should be.
Of course not all Mums come to terms with the notion, and then there is trouble.

dorothy52 wrote:

As so often happens, your writing affected me at a visceral level, and as I read of the Visitor attributing the voices in his head to mini El Divo (and foster son), my heart was racing.......it almost seemed to stop when I learned of his ultimate fate. What a sad, tragic story, and yet I fail to see what else you could have done, you certainly don't have anything to reproach yourself for.

You are right; at the time it was the right decision - had seven children living in the house then (two were older teens so quite capable of sharing the chores when Better Half was working away). Was also running three separate small businesses to make ends meet.
So I wasn't in the right position to take in Visitor; simply had no room for him. My bed was the living room sofa because two foster girls were sleeping in my room (couldn't split up siblings so the girls stayed as well even though we only really had space for their brother, while their Mum was unwell).
But if I'd had the gift of foresight; hmm, do like to think I would have done more to get Visitor into hospital where he needed to be.

dorothy52 wrote:

I'm still chuckling about last weekends debacle, the funniest part was seeing DGD's face when we picked her up and she realised that her baby brother was coming as well; I don't think she had realised until then that we are his grandparents as well.

Aww, bless her! Time to think of activities that only DGD can do with you; baking, crafty card making, clay modelling etc.

Sun_Addict wrote:

Robin if your friend is feeling so enthusiastic about gardening you can lend him to me! I have plenty for him to do!

..And you've got enough on your plate, dear Sun.A, without having to watch an unpredictable visitor (who can't cook, appears hazy as to the use of a washing machine, and sometimes wanders about less than fully clothed <note to self: find PC's dressing gown and give it to R [with instructions!]>).
..No, my current guest would not fit into your household at the moment - but I'm sure you have friends or family who would love to be able to do something practical to help you. Yes, it's hard to ask - but a lesson to learn, so that you can reserve your time and energy for supporting your DH on his journey to recovery.

*Robin*

missrlr wrote: »

Of course we must all learn lessons of life, and do our best to help others where we can. There is a difference between taking it all on your shoulders and providing a friendly face. Lets put this is context, take the ultimately sad scene above but add into it you visiting Visitor once a week or so, it may not have affected the ultimate outcome. But you may have seen a change, perhaps it was the wrong meds, wrong help, wrong place for Visitor and I suspect the not knowing is worse of all - it always is for me.

Unfortunately the retreat centre was too far away for me to visit, with everything else that was going on at home. Local Mental Hospital would have been another matter, but but but..
<sigh> Didn't have the experience to insist, or the sheer strength to over-rule Visitor's objections to the idea of going into hospital.

missrlr wrote: »

You have learned from that experience and you have changed behaviour BUT you could not have put your children in harms way. Equally you now cannot put YOURSELF in harms way.

You must not take on more than you can cope with, this is not fair on you or RTL. If you are permanently stressed and tired then you are likely to miss the nuances of speech and actions and the subtle changes for the better (or worse). Plus being calm and level is the absolute best grounding for any MH issues (as you clearly know).

Luckily it doesn't take much physical strength to watch someone's behaviour.
Do take your concerns seriously, but honestly think R is over the worst and no longer represents a possible danger. CD loves him now - she's a decent judge of character.

missrlr wrote: »

Do you think RTL would respond to you explaining your health needs again to him (might be drifting info in the jumble of space and time in his head) so he could respond to a "helping someone else" scenario - sometimes this "responsibility" can help those with MH issues, sometimes it is the worst thing to do - you are in a position to know far more than I.

Think DS1 must have spoken with R about the problems I have, living with ME. I agree it is always good to be able to help - even - or especially? - for those in need of support themselves.

R has taken on the strong man role with gusto - his new terrace is coming on apace.

missrlr wrote: »

Sorry if this reads as a lecture, it really is not intended to, you are amazing and that is precisely why we need to make sure you don't spread yourself too thin.

Not a lecture; just straight-talking. Actually your candour is much appreciated, Missrlr - have never been good at spotting subtleties that am not watching for.

missrlr wrote: »

Glad the tests are being done and this may help RTL. Let's hope the results are available soon.

Two week delay for the results, unfortunately. As R said; shame the vet couldn't do his tests as that would have been much quicker! :rotfl:

Still, at least the Psych Doc was concerned enough to act, so R is also back in the 'internal medicine' side of the health system.

missrlr wrote: »

Hey there Robin, so glad you are not offended by the thoughts we (specifically I) have posted. Easy to take a fence or a tree of a shrub when reading thoughts.

:rotfl:

missrlr wrote: »

Sorry just sooooo pleased it is a long weekend here! Silliness has entered my system at the delirious thought of another day I don't have to go to work!

Hope you're having a wonderful time on your extra day off, Missrlr!

missrlr wrote: »

Ahem. Yes well. So back to matters in hand. I think you are being very sensible and please do be vigilant ... MH issues do not mean honesty is top priority

Am on it.

missrlr wrote: »

Do get RTL to get focused on the garden and leave the potatoes ..... They will be a bit bigger tomorrow!

R is digging fallow ground, turning a long thin strip of steeply sloping land into another vegetable terrace. I can't do that, as the meadow plants have very strong root systems at this time of year (I'd need a mechanical digger to get 'em out!).

But it takes care and finesse to lift spuds without damaging them, so that's my job. Yesterday I managed six plants, yielding around six kilos, and only two spuds had any ant damage - yay!

*Robin*

Hello Diary, :hello:

Hasn't it been a beautiful day?

Our local Apiarist installed some new hives today; when he opened the doors, the bees went ballistic - literally! :eek:
Poor R was stung three times by dive-bombing bees while he was working in the garden. After the second occasion on which I was obliged to untangle a furious insect from his hair [without incurring further stings :cool:], suggested it might be a good idea to think of something to do inside until they settled down. R duly spent a happy hour with MrGoogle, looking up the habits of bees.

We have been eating very well since my mahoosive shopping trip. Don't think I've spent so much on groceries in one go since catering for the visitors who stopped over for PC's funeral. The bill has never been so high at Spanish prices.

Nuts. There is an expensive culprit. Since starting to record my own food intake on MFP, I've stopped buying biscuits. Now that R has hoovered up all the remnants, he's 'found' the jars of nuts I usually cook with and has taken to grazing rather than preparing his own lunch (I don't eat lunch so feel R should make his own, now he's feeling better). He acknowledges this, but once again offered house-keeping (as opposed to cooking a meal for himself ).

Looking at the receipt; can see that I also spent far too much on yesterday's dinner. It was Mother's Day here in Spain, so decided to treat myself with some wild salmon (a very rare event ). Baked it in a limon-beurre sauce, served with broccoli and new spudlets out of the garden - harvested just half an hour before steaming. Delicious.
DS2 and DS3 joined us, bringing me sweet-scented red and white roses - dear boys.

They wanted to talk about plans for an impending 21st. Have absolutely no idea what sort of gift to give the birthday boy to mark the occasion.

Whatever the present turns out to be, it's the only significant expense that can be allowed for the rest of this month. Must be careful not to fall back into m'bad old spendthrift habits..

Also need to check 0% deal end-dates and ISAs.

:think: Well; no time like right now - succumbed to a siesta before dinner, so might as well make better use of insomnia than dorking out in front of Come Dine or whatever is on at this hour.. :rotfl:

Hope everyone enjoyed the holiday today; found something fun [and preferably MSE] to do in the sun. :j

please-let-me-be-lucky

Happy Spanish Mother's Day Robin! Flowers sound lovely Xx

missrlr

Sounds lovely and hide your nuts, a la secret squirrel style!

Sorry sun madness and a rare nice day in work means I have this image of a Robin done up in a squirrel costume sneaking nuts into bed to find CD munching them too .......

Flowers sound fab and hope a present can be found ....

*Robin*

Hello Diary and MSE Friends, :hello:

I should not be here. Indulging in distraction activity despite having a couple of urgent items on the Communication To Do List. Baaad Robin.

missrlr wrote: »

hide your nuts, a la secret squirrel style!

Sorry sun madness and a rare nice day in work means I have this image of a Robin done up in a squirrel costume sneaking nuts into bed to find CD munching them too .......

:rotfl:

Glad you had a good day, and thanks for a chuckle-worthy image, Missrlr!

Wish Clever Dog would eat nuts as they're a great source of protein and minerals. Still having trouble persuading her to eat anything apart from raw chicken. It's ironic really; am putting more effort into devising menus for CD than for the two-legged inhabitants of the Nest. Fat Dog thinks it's wonderful; she's learned to hang back and see whether CD eats her lunch, as if not there's a good chance it will get more interesting because I add extra tastes to try and tempt CD. FD isn't beyond snaffling CD's left-over entr!e while I'm not looking, in order to speed the appearance of their main [the chicken]. Need to keep an eye on that habit as FD is already at the top of her breed's recommended weight.

missrlr wrote: »

Flowers sound fab and hope a present can be found ....

I have really enjoyed the scent of the roses pervading the house, but they're fading now. Reminded me that building a raised rose bed in front of the patio was another job on PC's To Do List - really am not doing very well on that side of things.

Still can't think of a suitable gift; am uneasily aware that there are a couple of big bills looming but no idea just how much ££? Would like to be generous because this birthday is a biggie, but Conscience is warning: Be careful..

Right. Enough procrastination; bite the bullet time - must pay a bill I do know about: Leaseholder wants 12 months' service charges for the flat - it's going to be a spendy day (if I can get through on the 'phone, of course).

ETA: For the record; watered everything in the garden yesterday - 500lts.

debtfreewannabe321

Just catching up ....happy belated mother's day!

*Robin*

debtfreewannabe321 wrote: »

happy belated mother's day!

Thank you DFW! Am doing well; two Mummy's Days a year.

Not doing so well on the communication tasks; managed half, but must try again tomorrow with the service charges.
At least that means today was a NSD.

*Robin*

Hello Diary and Dear Friends, :hello:

Happy Birthday to Martin! :bdaycake:


Today I am distracted by yet another 'first': It's the anniversary of the day PC and I arrived at home-home, and [on advice from the now defunct NHS Direct] we went straight to hospital.
With hind-sight, it was not an auspicious introduction:

While PC lay wracked with pain on a trolley, I handed over a very fat file containing all the results of tests done by the Spanish doctors, including discs of the various scans.
The F2 who was apparently in charge of A&E took it dubiously, so I pointed out translations of the written reports (just in case he didn't speak Spanish ).
Then we waited. And waited. Completely ignored until it was time for PC's painkillers, when a sudden flurry of nurses arrived to object to my giving PC the drugs prescribed by his Spanish GP. Despite PC obviously being in a lot of pain, they were not offering any alternative - so that was the first fight.
I won. :cool:

At that time of night it wasn't busy in A&E; just three other patients besides PC.
One was a very vocal, confused old man wearing pyjamas and slippers. He must also have been a little deaf, because everyone heard the Doc's raised voice explaining to him that he had a water infection.
Shortly afterwards, I watched a nurse usher this old man to the exit. Collared her as she returned; he'd been discharged. In his pyjamas, at 2am. ?? :eek: Nurse said that the old chap had the 'phone number for a taxi..
I wondered out loud whether he had money or a mobile 'phone in his pyjama pocket? Nurse shrugged and walked away.
"Go on," PC said, so I followed the old man; found him in the foyer looking perplexed. He had no money, just a slip of paper with a 'phone number on it, although he couldn't tell me whose number it was. I called it, rousing a somewhat irate taxi driver from his bed. He explained that he'd found the old man wandering in the middle of the road while he was on his way home at the end of his shift. The old fella wasn't making any sense and didn't seem to know where he lived, so the taxi driver had taken him to A&E.

The old man told me his son lived in the city, but he didn't know the address or 'phone number. Luckily the foyer was equipped with pay-as-you-go computers kindly supplied by the NHS. MrGoogle found me the son's number so I 'phoned him.
He turned up within minutes, wrapped his Dad in blankets and took him away. I suggested he should complain as Dad was clearly unable to care for himself, and it should not be down to another patient's relative to ensure Dad's safety.

Shortly after returning to PC's cubicle, the F2 arrived.
"I know what's wrong with you," he told PC triumphantly. "You've got fibromyalgia."
PC had never heard of it, but as it's very similar to and often lumped together with ME, I had..

All consideration for social mores and politeness evaporated instantly: Made darn sure that everyone in the room heard my opinion of the F2's professional skills and fitness to be in charge of A&E if he couldn't tell the difference between fibromyalgia and probably stage 4 cancer, after looking at all the scans and reports!
Ward Sister made a dive for PC's notes-file while the F2 stood pop-eyed and gulping.
He fled.

We waited. Ward Sister read our file. PC was getting very fed up; wanted to leave because nothing was happening.
"Don't worry dear," I said, loudly. "In eight minutes' time you'll breach - it's not busy so there will be trouble if you aren't sorted out by then.."
PC looked at me as if I were speaking Mandarin.

Fair Play to Ward Sister; took her exactly three minutes to secure PC a bed in AEU, and two minutes later a Registrar turned up. He was much more reassuring; had a look at the file and scans, then himself pushed PC's trolley through to the ward.
After the previous kerfuffle about PC's pain meds, I stuck around until Registrar had written them up on PC's chart in front of us.

<sigh>
The next morning PC wondered whether it had been a mistake to undertake the journey?
Truth was, it didn't matter which hospital he went to as PC was already flying along a course with only one possible conclusion; he was the one in ten of the one in four who cannot recover from cancer.

We squeezed so much into PC's last couple of months, when not distracted by numerous medical appointments. Can honestly say that I treasured every day of that time with PC, and I think he did too.. :A


PC's spirit feels very close today, which perhaps is why you've just read the story above.
To those who believe such things are not possible; my apologies.
To everyone else; PC is here with me, an almost palpable presence.

He has driven R out - though I'd be willing to bet that R could not explain the unease which has sent him back to the caravan every time, after brief interludes in the house.

Yes, there's a reason: R has lied to me, and is about to break one of the most important conditions I put upon agreeing to his residence at the Nest. No, R doesn't know that I know..

All my El Divos are out of reach. It would not be wise to provoke an explosion, so am telling the world instead.
Have until tomorrow morning to work out what to do. :think: