Flying solo

HeadAboveWater

Wow! What a story!!

What you're saying now about how you 'must' help RTL makes sense. I understand. But I also am still concerned. Much as you feel responsible, he is not your responsibility. If this is what you've decided to do then please, please be careful. You need to put yourself and your family first.

*hug*

PS. Glad you liked the sunshine! Don't think we've any spare today

Sun_Addict

Robin all I can say is you are a saint!!!! What a story! You've been through so much - have read your diary from the first page.

please-let-me-be-lucky

You must do whatever feels right Robin. I believe everything happens for a reason, and perhaps visitor's impact on your life was indeed to enable you to correctly deal with Roger now.

Just stay safe and look after yourself too Xx

missrlr

Hi Robin

Well that is a recount and a half (story is not the right word for that). Of course we must all learn lessons of life, and do our best to help others where we can. There is a difference between taking it all on your shoulders and providing a friendly face. Lets put this is context, take the ultimately sad scene above but add into it you visiting Visitor once a week or so, it may not have affected the ultimate outcome. But you may have seen a change, perhaps it was the wrong meds, wrong help, wrong place for Visitor and I suspect the not knowing is worse of all - it always is for me.

You have learned from that experience and you have changed behaviour BUT you could not have put your children in harms way. Equally you now cannot put YOURSELF in harms way.

You must not take on more than you can cope with, this is not fair on you or RTL. If you are permanently stressed and tired then you are likely to miss the nuances of speech and actions and the subtle changes for the better (or worse). Plus being calm and level is the absolute best grounding for any MH issues (as you clearly know).

Please sometime the best answer for everyone is "no" and passing on to someone with the energy and expertise until you can say yes again. This is not walking away as you will be taking action and knowing there will be a positive outcome at the end. And there is nothing to feel guilty about on that score you are not letting anyone down, you are not walking away.

Do you think RTL would respond to you explaining your health needs again to him (might be drifting info in the jumble of space and time in his head) so he could respond to a "helping someone else" scenario - sometimes this "responsibility" can help those with MH issues, sometimes it is the worst thing to do - you are in a position to know far more than I.

Oh hugs for you please don't feel guilty about previous or current situations, we sometimes don't have the skills and circumstances to be as effective as we would like, this is part of us growing and maturing. But don't cause yourself damage and perhaps RTL in the process.

Sorry if this reads as a lecture, it really is not intended to, you are amazing and that is precisely why we need to make sure you don't spread yourself too thin.

Glad the tests are being done and this may help RTL. Let's hope the results are available soon.

More hugs (but seriously that icon is soooooooo dodgy I can't use it)

NewLeaf_2

i understand what you are saying but please do put yourself first

dorothy52

:eek:Oh my goodness me:eek:

I read your post last night, Robin, but didn't have time to post. As so often happens, your writing affected me at a visceral level, and as I read of the Visitor attributing the voices in his head to mini El Divo (and foster son), my heart was racing.......it almost seemed to stop when I learned of his ultimate fate. What a sad, tragic story, and yet I fail to see what else you could have done, you certainly don't have anything to reproach yourself for.

Thank you Missrlr for writing so eloquently and saying so succinctly what all Robin's (and your) friends were thinking, and I echo the sentiments of every one who has posted since. You are such a good person, Robin, I feel privileged to be your friend, and one day, I swear, we will all meet up and get to know one another properly.

I'm still chuckling about last weekends debacle, the funniest part was seeing DGD's face when we picked her up and she realised that her baby brother was coming as well; I don't think she had realised until then that we are his grandparents as well.

Right, off to see Hi to NL now, she will be wondering what's happened to me.

Take care love

Dot xx

*Robin*

Hello Diary and Dear Friends, :hello:

Thank you all for your concern. :A
All is well at the Nest but am finding it very tiring, trying to keep up with R's progress in the garden. He's suddenly very enthusiastic about the idea of physical exercise, so far be it from me to dissuade him from digging more vegetable beds.

*Robin*

Oops, run out of time to update - will try and come back later to respond to the excellent points raised by you all, but must get into town and back before the impending thunder storm arrives!

Sun_Addict

Robin if your friend is feeling so enthusiastic about gardening you can lend him to me! I have plenty for him to do! Ooh to the thunderstorm we didn't get one in my neck of the woods (central England). We have had weird mixture of hot sunshine and windy rain!

*Robin*

Hello Diary and Dear, Dear Friends, :smileyhea

Thank you for your supportive comments and concern for my safety. It is surprisingly comforting to know you are all looking over my shoulder, via the magic of the Box.

Something has changed when I try to update my own Diary; page only works on full-screen and looks very odd. Anyone else experiencing this?

Am struggling to respond to everyone's individual comments without writing yet another saga, so let's start with a short progress update instead:

Made it in to town yesterday, where Clever Dog held out her paw for the vet to take another blood sample <bless her> (did have her in a head-lock at the time, whispering in her ear: "Goood Girl - this is worth a whole packet of sausages if you don't make a fuss!" ..Bribery works. ).
Fat Dog received a share as well - she's terrified of the vet, but managed to walk in to the clinic on her own paws for once, and then behaved impeccably while nothing awful happened to her! This is turning into great therapy for FD. :rotfl:

After a rapid but shamefully spendy visit to the supermarket we ran for home - wind and cloud were ominously threatening. R did an amazing job of getting all the shopping up to the house in the time it took me to make us a cuppa and give Daft Dogs their fresh chicken.
Then as we sat on the patio, the weather cleared while we watched. Within scant minutes, the sky had brightened as glowering banks of cloud vanished behind the mountains, then the wind dropped and birds started singing; it turned into a glorious evening..

R knows from recent experience that if he doesn't co-operate, I will act; either to get him back into hospital or simply remove the offer of accommodation and support. Don't know what DS1 said to him after he freaked out on me and left, but it's marked a huge change in R's attitude towards me. He seems to get a lot of pleasure from using his strength to help me, doing the tasks I struggle with. Very positive and therapeutic all round.
Plus the pills are taking effect, and R is actually much more stable now that his Doc has removed a couple of meds which would clash with the potential endocrine problem diagnosis; calmer yet able to think clearly enough to spend short bursts of time working on his pc (picking up his 'day job').
Being more active is also obviously helping R to sleep better - no longer needs the pill that made him really dopey - so he's a lot less frustrated. Says he doesn't feel incapacitated except that he can only perform any mental or physical task for a short time, before needing to sleep.

At the moment, I am not concerned that there is any chance R might harm Daft Dogs or me. If that changes, he'll be gone - El Divos will make sure of it. They are all keeping in very regular contact [between them, usually several times a day] and being super-supportive, which is great (don't think I've seen so much of 'em all since they each moved out of the parental home! :rotfl:).

As for finances. R has offered me 'housekeeping' several times, but I've refused until he's paid back a personal debt that he ran up while he was ill (just before arriving at the Nest). He's still waiting for his wages/sick pay to arrive (- keeping an eye on this as there's a potential for sneakiness just in case it turns out that R is still delusional or a better actor than a friend, and has me fooled. Don't think so, and would be surprised if Spanish Social Security operates faster than in the UK where it takes - how long? - maybe six weeks to make a claim?).

Vet has just 'phoned - Sunday afternoon; how's that for service? [:D] CD's blood results are much better than they were, but Chief Vet would like to see her next week. Apparently he has A Plan to discuss. Overall, that is good news. I think. :think:

CD has taken R for a four mile walk to fetch fresh free-range eggs. While they're out I really should get away from the Box and do some house-work.
..Or there's half a bed of spuds waiting to be lifted. :cool:
Guess what I'm going to choose, dear friends? :rotfl:

Thank you again everyone for watching my back; much appreciated. :T

<Right, where's m' mattock?>