Divorce (through mediation) what can I expect to retain

VestanPance

1. Your dad isn't a solicitor, so he's taking through emotion not law. There is no law that says you get x percentage of the home, so you get the same percentage of the debts.
2. Sorry to say but the debts being solely in your name will most likely mean they will fall on you to pay. No matter what they where spent on.
3. Capable of working is a non-issue. The fact is she didn't. Even if she got a job tomorrow with a gold plated pension at the end of it she'd still be entitled to a share of your pension, as your solicitor has outlined.
4. If your solicitor is the one suggesting that she will be entitled to 70% of the home, then expect that to be the case. The court has no interest in how you afford a new home, or it's location. A harsh truth.
5. I'd be very surprised if any money lent to either of you by family would be payable.

Her entitlement may be well beyond what you think is fair. It may fall way short on what she thinks is fair. Either way if you don't agree terms quickly with each other you'll have high solicitor fees to add to the money you have to pay out.

alwaysonthego_2

You will not win the case of 'Well she could have worked' rather than be a stay at home mum. The courts see a full time mum being at the same level as the full time worker and she will not lose out because of that. I am a full time mum and I do the childcare, cooking, laundry, cleaning, pay the bills etc.

Fire_Fox

Can you extend the mortgage temporarily? If so maybe do so, pay off all the formal debts, then put the house on the market whilst mediating how to split the equity. Given that you are still living under one roof, she is still accepting money from you and you are still paying for her car you are still husband and wife in the eyes of the law so you can use joint assets to pay personal debt. She couldn't claim benefits as a single mother for example.

AFAIK you don't have the legal right to limit maintenance based on personal debt, you base personal debt payments on your disposable income after essential outgoings like mortgage and maintenance (DMP if necessary). The sum your wife/ children are entitled to is based on your income and takes into consideration that if you are paying the mortgage. Child Support Agency website should have guidance on what you should pay once the house is sold.

I believe the above to be accurate but please check, it's possible things have changed or I have misremembered.

Vikingfan

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Can you extend the mortgage temporarily? If so maybe do so, pay off all the formal debts, then put the house on the market whilst mediating how to split the equity. Given that you are still living under one roof, she is still accepting money from you and you are still paying for her car you are still husband and wife in the eyes of the law so you can use joint assets to pay personal debt. She couldn't claim benefits as a single mother for example.

AFAIK you don't have the legal right to limit maintenance based on personal debt, you base personal debt payments on your disposable income after essential outgoings like mortgage and maintenance (DMP if necessary). The sum your wife/ children are entitled to is based on your income and takes into consideration that if you are paying the mortgage. Child Support Agency website should have guidance on what you should pay once the house is sold.

I believe the above to be accurate but please check, it's possible things have changed or I have misremembered.

am I legally allowed to do this while she has served divorce papers?
This sounds my best bet.

Fire_Fox

Vikingfan wrote: »

am I legally allowed to do this while she has served divorce papers?
This sounds my best bet.

I don't know, that is why I said you need to check. If you aren't then you are legally separated, in which case I would take her car and sell it and stop giving her pocket money, she may be able to claim benefits. Use the money you save to pay debts off as fast as possible.

Vikingfan

I think I need to have a serious talk with her,I don't want to sell the car as she runs the kids around a fair bit in it,but if she is just going all out to 'take me to the cleaners' as she has put it too me.
The I have to look at my best options

marisco_2

If communciation between you both hasn't completely broken down, I would suggest talking things through and trying to reach an amicable agreement regarding your finances. The less you need to agree on via your solicitors the better.

newcook

Vikingfan wrote: »

She does not to stay in the marital home

Sorry but your first sentence isn’t clear as to what you were getting at. If you meant she does not get to stay in the marital home, you may be incorrect. When the settlement of marital assets is being done, as she has been the main carer of your children its possible the house will given to her (as rpc said earlier in the thread)

Vikingfan wrote: »

yes Motherhood is full time,but not when my kids are at school all day.
I am full time Father when I am not working

Unfortunately though, it will be seen that your wife has done the majority of raising the children while you have been at work – in effect it could be seen that she has given up her chance of a career to raise the children. As others have said, whether she could have worked or not is neither here nor there. Its also swings and roundabouts though – if she has a private pension you will be entitled to claim half of that, same goes for savings etc.

Fire_Fox

newcook wrote: »

Unfortunately though, it will be seen that your wife has done the majority of raising the children while you have been at work – in effect it could be seen that she has given up her chance of a career to raise the children. As others have said, whether she could have worked or not is neither here nor there. Its also swings and roundabouts though – if she has a private pension you will be entitled to claim half of that, same goes for savings etc.

I *think* the OP was raising the issue of choosing not to work now/ recently giving up her cleaning job meaning she has no income and effectively chooses not to make pension provision of her own. I don't think he was complaining she didn't work before the kids went to school.

Vikingfan

newcook wrote: »

Sorry but your first sentence isn’t clear as to what you were getting at. If you meant she does not get to stay in the marital home, you may be incorrect. When the settlement of marital assets is being done, as she has been the main carer of your children its possible the house will given to her (as rpc said earlier in the thread)




Unfortunately though, it will be seen that your wife has done the majority of raising the children while you have been at work – in effect it could be seen that she has given up her chance of a career to raise the children. As others have said, whether she could have worked or not is neither here nor there. Its also swings and roundabouts though – if she has a private pension you will be entitled to claim half of that, same goes for savings etc.

I offered her the chance to stay in the marital home and she declined under the terms proposed by my solicitor that if she moved a man in the house would go up for sale.