Divorce (through mediation) what can I expect to retain

Vikingfan

I'm going through a divorce,we have been married for 5 years but living together for 17(since my daughter was born).
The house is in my name my parents gave me 5k lump sum towards the deposit but I cannot find any documents to prove this (going back 17 years)

I have always been the sole earner she has worked on and off part time shop work and ,domestic house cleaning.
She says my shift pattern has denied her having a job,But I suggest that this makes it easier to get child care as I am off work on at least 2 weekdays..

My assets are approx 150 k of house when the mortgage is cleared.
I have a pension cannot remember the cash transfer value at the moment but my solicitor has stated she will get approx 8.5 years (half the 17 yrs she has looked after the kids)

debts of around 7k and 2 cars,both of whcih are in my name.

She is diputing that the debts are hers even though I bought a new car as I didn't want her running around in an old car,she had private dentistry worth around 2.5k


Now my issues are first she is capable of working as the kids are at school and she is not disabled,in fact she has recently given up her cleaning jobs as she feels she won't get any benefits if she is working,therefore she was capable of saving for her own pension.

As we are in debt I have limited the money I am giving her as I'm trying to pay debts off,but she is claiming she has had to borrow off her own Mother to pay for such essentials as getting the dog groomed,Petrol £70 haircuts and Car MOT

I have been told she is entitled to 70% of the house (assets)Which would leave me unable to afford property Nearby to where the children will be,therefore making it costly to have the kids regular and run them to school when I am off work
I am considering asking for 50% custody

8.5 years pension equating to half of the pension while she has not worked,my arguement is she could have worked for at least 5 of these years.

Debts should be at least 50/50 split but my Dad says if she is getting 70@ of assets she should get 70% debts.

She is likely to try and claim back for any money her Mum lent her,which I think is an outrage as she could be earning herself and maybe we would not be in such debt.
Especially since she goes out most days in the car to get away from me

But if that is the case can I claim back my parents contribution to the house if I have no evidence.

Advice appreciated,I am only after things to be fair and yes she has made contributions in brinign up the kids and I respect this

rpc

What could have been, is probably not relevant unless she was waaaay off acting responsibly. It will probably be seen that she looked after the house and family to enable you to earn.

I'm sceptical that assets before the marriage would be included - that would probably be the main point of negociation.

If the daughter is 17, residence will be wherever she wants it to be. It is extremely unlikely that a court would force judgment on a 17 year old. She old enough to join the forces or marry - she's old enough to decide where to live.

As the daughter is 17 (or nearly), there probably wouldn't be much imbalance to take account of looking after her as she only has a year or two left. The financial settlement could well be drawn out until she is 18, in which case I don't think she would factor (this may be beneficial to do). You should be looking at 50:50 (pension, house, debts, cars, the lot), but whether it is 50:50 of 17 years or 50:50 of 5 years is a matter for debate.

Vikingfan

I have a son of 8 also

rpc

That changes things. She will, most likely, be seen as primary carer and the settlement will take account of his needs (possibly by giving her the house, although you may get a share deferred until it is sold or he reaches age 18 or she cohabits, etc).

I would expect something slightly in her favour because of this, but there is still a lot of room to negociate around the 5 years vs 17. As I see it, her claim to any of your assets prior to the marriage is shaky. But your solicitor obviously disagrees and he is the lawyer. That doesn't make him right, but he should have more knowledge than me.

As you are going for mediation, it depends what you both agree on as fair and less so what the legal position is. Of course, if you can't agree then you will end up in court and things will be different.

Vikingfan

rpc wrote: »

That changes things. She will, most likely, be seen as primary carer and the settlement will take account of his needs (possibly by giving her the house, although you may get a share deferred until it is sold or he reaches age 18 or she cohabits, etc).

I would expect something slightly in her favour because of this, but there is still a lot of room to negociate around the 5 years vs 17. As I see it, her claim to any of your assets prior to the marriage is shaky. But your solicitor obviously disagrees and he is the lawyer. That doesn't make him right, but he should have more knowledge than me.

As you are going for mediation, it depends what you both agree on as fair and less so what the legal position is. Of course, if you can't agree then you will end up in court and things will be different.

Yes we are going through mediation,one minute she agrees to stay amicable and the next she says shes going to take me for everything I've got.
She has told me she is top of the list for Affordable housing that is being built near where we live.Which she wopuld rent,so I cannot see why she needs 70% of assets plus pension.

Fire_Fox

Get your initial free half hour with a solicitor who specialises in such matters. If your wife is capable of working she should either be working or claiming JSA. You can't split joint debts, you are jointly and severally liable - if one of you does not pay they will chase the other. Any debts in your name are your debts, but you can sell your cars if you wish. If you gifted your wife the dentistry you gifted it.

IMO pay off as many debts as possible with the assets, that ensures you can make as clean a break as possible hopefully just paying maintenance for your child. Your parents gifting you a deposit or her mother loaning your money is irrelevant unless you both signed legal documents agreeing it was a loan.

She will not be eligible for affordable housing, she has a roof over her head and substantial assets.

floss2

Have you asked whether your parents have any documents, bank statement or cheque stub showing that they gave you the £5k deposit? It's the sort of thing a parent is likely to have kept hold of....even from 17+ years ago.

Othersise ask your original mortgage company if they have any record - my ex had to show that his now wife had paid the substantial deposit on their new home to prove he hadn't hidden any marital assets.

Tish_P

I have always been the sole earner she has worked on and off part time shop work and ,domestic house cleaning.

This doesn't quite add up, can you clarify?

Vikingfan

Tish_P wrote: »

I have always been the sole earner she has worked on and off part time shop work and ,domestic house cleaning.

This doesn't quite add up, can you clarify?

Meaning she has never paid towards bills and her work has always amounted to no more that 6 hours a week

newcook

Vikingfan wrote: »

Meaning she has never paid towards bills and her work has always amounted to no more that 6 hours a week

Im assuming you are talking about paid work as being a stay at home mom is a full time job (from what I’ve observed)

Please be aware that it maybe you that will need to leave the marital home rather than your wife so that minimum disruption is caused to the children

Vikingfan

She does not to stay in the marital home and yes Motherhood is full time,but not when my kids are at school all day.
I am full time Father when I am not working