Husband incapable of budgeting, help!

daska

Is his mother aware of the level of debt you are in? If not I suggest that next time you talk with him you make it clear that she needs to know that she can help by not lending him money. If he knows the supply is cut off then he won't be able to take the mick that way.

Why is he still buying food? Is it a matter of 'face' because all his workmates do? Not sure what the solution is if that's the problem but it might be worth asking the question. Perhaps he could be on a 'special diet' that precludes boughten food.

And don't bail him out by running around after him. If he runs out of petrol he can walk home or get a lift or sleep in the car. Take all the household money out of the a/c at the beginning of the month and leave him with only enough for the necessities. Make sure the bank will not allow him to go overdrawn.

Mands

Mumandhousewife83 wrote: »

I have sat with him over and over, explaining the budget, how it works and we can and can't afford. I have sat with him following many a month with a bank statement breaking down his overspend and explaining the consequences to him. He knows all this, yet he's STILL doing it! It's like I'm repeatedly banging my head against a brick wall, and frankly, I'm sick of it (physically at times). I always find myself reducing the budget elsewhere to accommodate his unnecessary spending.

This is not a criticism, it's an observation on what is going on.

You are treating him like a child; he is responding by behaving like a child.

You know the state of your finances, you define the priorities, you determine the budget, you decide what money should gets spent and when. He gets told what to do, he gets no say.

We know that you have a better handle on how things should happen, by virtue of your understanding of your finances, but by excluding him from the decision making process he has been marginalised. He doesn't feel like he gets a say, he doesn't feel like an equal. You are the parent and he's the child and sometimes children play the system.

You could try turning things around by sitting down with coffee, pen and paper and asking him how he thinks things should be prioritised. How should the budget be constructed: what are the wants and what are the needs?

Get him engaged, turn this back into an adult-adult relationship and things might change.

Best of luck,
Mands

GobbledyGook

I think the first thing you have to do is find out if he is incapable of budgeting or unwilling to stick to your budgets.

If he is incapable there's lots of ways of working it so that you can help him stick to the budget or learn to budget.

If he is unwilling to stick to the budgets then the issue isn't just the money.

Spendless

You can't change how someone is only they can change that, what you can do is change how you re-act. Also diff people fetch diff strengths and weaknesses to a relationship. For example my husband never deals with any paperwork, apart from to dump it in a tray or looks at the bank accounts, meanwhile I don't iron, he does. You sound very good at organising and budgeting and to pay off 1/2 your debt is brilliant. Well done. I totally see that you don't want to make pack up on top of the rest of yoru chores, but I also see your husband doesn't want to at the end of a f-time working day. See if you can come up with a suggestion that appeals to both of you, as well as giving him a set amount as his spends, you could devote so long to making sandwiches between you on a weekend and freeze them or if it's the extras that are racking up the bill eg the crisps, biscuits, bottles of drink, then what about picking up a weeks supply at somewhere like poundland or home bargains and they are his 'grab and go' lunch items, put them in a carrier bag that hangs over the front door handle before you go to bed, or put them in the car -ina cool bag if need be the night before.

Expecting you to walk to your job, isn't really fair. Is there any alternatives if you really can't afford more petrol, cheap bus ticket or borrowing a bike?

Have you had a look round the other boards. There's a fiscal fast (not spending any money at all) on the old style board.

*Louise*

Just asked hubby for a bloke's view on this...

He suggested you ask him to give you his bank card back, give him money designated for fuel every week and a nominal amount of money to have in his pocket weekly because no one likes being totally skint (hubby's exampe was last minute syndicate lottery money etc)

Also....he said just in case the fuel thing was deliberate (and yes, he should hve known if there was enough fuel to get him to work and back) then you should hide £10 in the car somewhere for emergency fuel money.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

He has to actually run out of money. No little hidden tenners, no coming to get him. Nothing.

It was the only way I could deal with somebody doing similar with food.

I warn you though, he won't like it. Expect tantrums aplenty.


The phrase are 'we don't have it'. 'there is no more money'. No telling off, no moaning, just a matter of fact no.


And I don't believe the petrol thing wasn't deliberate.

pleasedelete

Can you get a permanent job and increase the income? Is this casual job in addition to a full time job - I am guessing not from your user name.

Tbh if I was working and my oh wasn't or was working part time I would feel A sense of injustice about having to have a packed lunch - does he? Have you talked about how he feels? Have you told him how you feel?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

pleasedelete wrote: »

Can you get a job and increase the income?

Tbh if I was working and my oh wasn't I would feel A sense of injustice about having to have a packed lunch - does he?

She has just got a job and he sounds like he's actively hindering that by insisting he has all their money so she is forced to walk.

If I were that skint, I wouldn't treat it as my god given right to stuff my face on takeaways at the expense of everybody else.

*Louise*

pleasedelete wrote: »

Tbh if I was working and my oh wasn't or was working part time I would feel A sense of injustice about having to have a packed lunch - does he? Have you talked about how he feels? Have you told him how you feel?

That could be how her husband feels....and look at the problems it's caused

It's quite selfish. What's so bad about a packed lunch?

liney

MY DH used to have a winge about a packed lunch, mainly because he'd rather buy nasty baked 'meat' things from a visiting van. The compromise is that he takes lunch (sandwiches or salad) Monday to Thursday which I prepare in the evening whilst cooking.

On Fridays he has a pub lunch paid for out of the £10 he has for lottery, collections etc. He is also given petrol money, in cash each Friday.