Devious Auntie influencing elderly Grandfather

philipswoox

After much talk between myself and my wife, I thought it apt to air my thoughts on here, in the hope anunrelated person could offer some independent advice.

Here's the scenario inhighly edited form:

My Auntie (one of 4children) recently left house/savings by her father. Other 3 offspring left nothing. Will clearly states this, so unfortunately one of those things - other3 offspring miffed but not planning to contest as facts are harsh but in black and white.

In the meantime (andbuilding steadily over last 4/5 years) said Auntie has paid increasing attention to her elderly Grandfather who has no offspring and a reasonably valuable estate. She's increasingly made him dependent upon her for groceries/cards/general running around, where other close family (namely her 3siblings) were previously helping instead.

Trinkets now appearing more frequently around Grandfather's house, gifted by said Auntie e.g. coaster with 'To the best Grandfather in the whole world' - seems a case of slowly build him up.

One of the family recently finds a piece of paper (in complete innocence, when searching for a shoppinglist) in Grandfather's kitchen, written in Auntie's handwriting with 'before 'and 'after' columns with edited versions of will and monies distribution. 'After' column favours Auntie massively (suggesting she will gain the house in its entirety).

Grandfather now 'jumpy' about people going out of his sitting room into the hallway to hang up coats (well known fact that his will is stored in cupboard in hallway). He's never been like this before and always been relaxed about family visiting and strolling around.

Grandfather now clearly elderly, not particularly well and extremely forgetful. I would imagine if changes have been made to his will recently (which is highly likely) that he wouldn't necessarily be of sound enough mind to be able to make independent decisions.

Auntie is now snubbingclose family. One close family member wishes to have a frank discussion with Grandfather about what is clearly unfolding and how he is being brainwashed,but decides not to, as the concensus is it is potentially going to upset an unwell elderly man, and provide Auntie with fuel to raise her own profile as a 'good guy', which she's clearly trying to achieve.

As offspring of one of the close family, I'm increasingly concerned that the Auntie involved clearly has intentions of influencing the Grandfather's decisions and continuing to do so until she has the lot signed over to her. I'm also concerned that her direct family are aware it's happening but are too afraid to broach the subject witheither her or said Grandfather for fear of upsetting the Grandfather and giving the Auntie fuel to turn the Grandfather against said family (which she already seems to have started).

Thoughts welcomed.

Fire_Fox

Will people really care that much about the 'unfairness' of the financial distribution of money they didn't actually earn when they have lost their father/ grandfather/ other relative? If so what a sad indictment of your family. Nobody is stopping all the other relatives buttering up gramps are they?

Toto

It's his money to give to/not give to whom he chooses.

Take a step back and take the money out of the equasion. Gramps is old and possibly won't be around for many more years. How about the rest of the family use their energies spending time with him and taking care of him so he enjoys the remainder of his life and they have lovely memories.

It's very distasteful to be picking over someone's estate, worrying about what they might or might not get when a person has died, but to do it while they are still here is shameful. If I were your grandad I would spend the lot and then leave the house to charity.

philipswoox

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Will people really care that much about the 'unfairness' of the financial distribution of money they didn't actually earn when they have lost their father/ grandfather/ other relative? If so what a sad indictment of your family. Nobody is stopping all the other relatives buttering up gramps are they?

Thanks for your thoughts. Maybe you've misread me; I'm more than happy with my lot. What I'm concerned about are the family values and principles, and the fact that family are allowing someone to 'diddle' an elderly gent. I don't like the fact that my family seems to have a devious, unpleasant member who seems determined to rock the boat and stick two fingers up at everyone else. It's rather upsetting to be honest.

sulkisu

Your aunt hasn't actually done anything wrong though, has she?
She just seems to be devoting a lot of time and effort to her grandfather - even though her motives may be purely financial. If nobody else is really bothering with him, then I suspect that her grandfather appreciates it. Perhaps she genuinely cares for him and wants to spend time with him. If the rest of the family are unaware of what is going on, this suggests that they have very little contact with him. So perhaps instead of worrying about what who he leaves his money/property to (it's his, he can do what he likes with it), family need to try spending more time and effort on him aswell - not for the money, but because it is the right thing to do.

Fire_Fox

philipswoox wrote: »

Thanks for your thoughts. Maybe you've misread me; I'm more than happy with my lot. What I'm concerned about are the family values and principles, and the fact that family are allowing someone to 'diddle' an elderly gent. I don't like the fact that my family seems to have a devious, unpleasant member who seems determined to rock the boat and stick two fingers up at everyone else. It's rather upsetting to be honest.

How exactly is auntie diddling him? Is she siphoning money whilst he is alive that he could otherwise have spent? What difference is it to him who gets the money and how it is spent once he is dead? Nope: it is the rest of the family that feel diddled, which IMO says a lot about their priorities.

Since you have written evidence by all means contest the will after grandfather is dead, she will end up convicted if she has broken the law. In the mean time let gramps enjoy the attentions of one of his grandchildren. Maybe the rest of you could put as much effort into making his twilight years happy.

philipswoox

Toto wrote: »

It's his money to give to/not give to whom he chooses.

Take a step back and take the money out of the equasion. Gramps is old and possibly won't be around for many more years. How about the rest of the family use their energies spending time with him and taking care of him so he enjoys the remainder of his life and they have lovely memories.

It's very distasteful to be picking over someone's estate, worrying about what they might or might not get when a person has died, but to do it while they are still here is shameful. If I were your grandad I would spend the lot and then leave the house to charity.

Fair thoughts - cheers!
Again, maybe I've not explained clearly enough - other family members are continuing to spend time with Gramps and as always, and are intentionally NOT letting things get in the way. They have no interest is anything else. After all, it's family. As a slightly further removed relative, I merely posted my thoughts as I'm frustrated by the actions of one family member, who is clearly trying to influence an unwell old chap. I'd feel exactly the same if I learnt of a similar tale of the old lady who lives next door to me. Surely most people with an ounce of morals would feel the same?

mrcow

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Will people really care that much about the 'unfairness' of the financial distribution of money they didn't actually earn when they have lost their father/ grandfather/ other relative? If so what a sad indictment of your family. Nobody is stopping all the other relatives buttering up gramps are they?

Inheritance isn't just about money.

It's about possessions. Some of which may have been in the family for generations or may have been informally promised by either parent. To suggest that children shouldn't be bothered about the distribution of their parents' possessions is ridiculous.

BEAR

mrcow wrote: »

Inheritance isn't just about money.

It's about possessions. Some of which may have been in the family for generations or may have been informally promised by either parent. To suggest that children shouldn't be bothered about the distribution of their parents' possessions is ridiculous.

Well said! If I had my wish it would be for my parents to have spent all their cash on enjoying their last years and to hell with anyone who wants it. But...I would fight tooth and claw for my right to the tacky worthless ( moneywise) ornaments which have been ther since my childhood

gingin_2

I would sit down Auntie to discuss things. It doesn't have to be a confrontation but you could mention the list that was found and were wondering what it meant. Maybe aunt is sensing hostility and pulling away from you all as a result from this, so it might be a good chance for her to put her side across. I can never understand why people can't discuss things, rather than create tension by making assumptions behind backs.

For what it's worth, my gifts to my Grandma tend to be trinkets these days, "Best Grandma" balloons, bears, mugs. Visual things she can look at to know that we care about her and not a practical pair or slippers, or hand soaps like everyone else seems to get her! I wouldn't have done it 10 years ago but when you are housebound with memories to live off, I think it means a lot. I would be devastated if my family felt my intentions were anything but genuine.

Fire_Fox

mrcow wrote: »

Inheritance isn't just about money.

It's about possessions. Some of which may have been in the family for generations or may have been informally promised by either parent. To suggest that children shouldn't be bothered about the distribution of their parents' possessions is ridiculous.

Please read my posts instead of making erroneous inferences. I said "... care that much about the unfairness of the financial distribution of money they didn't actually earn ..."

Most people don't have valuable items that have been in the family for generations anyway and how do you know auntie wouldn't keep them in the family when she passes? In my family there are few valuable possessions: I'd want photos, a few low value ornaments, the pearl ring my student father gave my mother for her 21st. My sibling could have my grandmother's gold charm bracelet (even tho it is technically mine) and the sapphire/ diamond ring since it was worn at my sibling's wedding. I'd want my parents back far more than a few £K of gold.