Adoption

Dunroamin

memoryoftrees wrote: »

Yes - there is still a surplus of prospective adoptive parents compared to the number of children in need of homes though, unless as you mentioned they are from a specific ethnic background or have very demanding needs. That is true in my area: I don't know what other areas are like of course.
(

I never mentioned ethnic backgrounds, please don't put words in my mouth!

You are totally wrong about their being a surplus of adoptive parents. As the Fostering network says,

"There is a shortage of foster carers and adoptive parents right across the country, especially for teenagers, sibling groups and children with disabilities."

http://www.fostering.net/media/2011/government-campaign-recruit-foster-carers-and-adoptive-parents-welcomed

ETA

Your area, Staffordshire, is no exception!

"There is always a shortage of families for sibling groups, older children (5 plus), children with disabilities or with developmental uncertainty and for children with other specific needs for example children from ethnic minority background."

http://www.care4child.org/Adoption/HowdowePrioritiseEnquiries.aspx

memoryoftrees

Hey - just a minute Dun, I wasn't putting words into your mouth, or that wasn't the intention anyway! I was just musing aloud really - think you misread the tone of my post a bit there

I was purely answering based on the information I was given when I made enquiries about adoption. I was told that there was a long 'waiting list' for under 3s and that there were more adoptive families than there were children for children in this particular age group.

As I acknowledged in my post, I don't know if that included people like me, who decided it wasn't for them, or not - what I mean is, say you had 100 people "wanting to adopt" but 40 decided "this isn't for us" and 20 were deemed unsuitable that would knock the stats a bit - do you see what I mean?

Fostering is a bit different - well, very different.

kj*daisy

Don't take this the wrong way but is your desire to adopt/foster/have another child a way to try and make up for what happened in the past - you want another chance and this time you'll do everything the right way etc - I think that's a natural feeling when your children are growing up and for reasons that may well have been out of your control (I can't remember all of your previous threads, sorry) their early years were not ideal. I think you may need some counselling to help you deal with your feelings over this but another child will not fix the past, if things are improving with your daughter then that is good news,
take care.

*Chattie*

merlot123 wrote: »

I don't normally go back and read previous post, but I have on this occasion.


https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3819763

Have things really changed so much in six months you can even consider another child? I don't think so, you are doing it for the wrong reasons, having another child will not make you happy or complete, only you can do that for yourself.

Concentrate on what you have, and not what you want.

only read the first post in the above thread but in that you say your OH doesn't want your daughter living with you what makes you think he will accept someone with no blood ties at all?

Dunroamin

memoryoftrees wrote: »

Hey - just a minute Dun, I wasn't putting words into your mouth, or that wasn't the intention anyway! I was just musing aloud really - think you misread the tone of my post a bit there

I was purely answering based on the information I was given when I made enquiries about adoption. I was told that there was a long 'waiting list' for under 3s and that there were more adoptive families than there were children for children in this particular age group.

As I acknowledged in my post, I don't know if that included people like me, who decided it wasn't for them, or not - what I mean is, say you had 100 people "wanting to adopt" but 40 decided "this isn't for us" and 20 were deemed unsuitable that would knock the stats a bit - do you see what I mean?

Fostering is a bit different - well, very different.

Sorry if I misunderstood your post.

There may be waiting lists for under 3s but this really isn't what adoption is about these days. As I said before, there are enormous shortages of adoptive parents throughout the country, including in your area, nothing to do with how statistics are compiled.

sunnyone

The poor kids waiting for adoption are very, very safe because no one in their right mind would even consider allowing the Op to adoped a child :eek:

Welshwoofs

darlyd wrote: »

From Going through a tough labour with my youngest (female who is 5) to now I still crave that new edition, I love kids I want another one running me riot BUT ss have said no to us as we have them involved because of my eldest (female who is 13 going through diagnoses right now, perhaps ADHD). Where do we go from here?

I'm going to be very blunt - sorry!

Where do you go from here? Nowhere. You have zero chance of adopting from abroad if you're already been turned down for adoption here in the UK. You still have to get approval from the UK adoption agency before going abroad. In fact I very much doubt, given the fact you have SS involved with the family already, that you'd have a cat's chance in hell fostering either. Those kids need stable homes.

Lastly - and I'm sorry if this is harsh to hear; but you feeling that you have so much to give is not the same thing as what you have to give being what an adoptive/fostered child needs.

A mere 6 months ago you were posting about awful behaviour problems with one of your kids and you stated you couldn't cope. I'm sorry, but from where I'm sitting it sounds as though you've pulled a pair of pink fluffy sunglasses on and are naively thinking that another child will 'fix' everything. It won't.

FBaby

The responses are quite clear and it must hurt to read them. In the end, you are just experiencing one very strong overwhelming feeling, broodiness. It takes over and stops you from seeing reality. It makes you justify anything and convinces you that you would be the best mum/family to have. It gives you a false sense of secuity that you could cope with parenting a new child without having any detrimental effect on your other children.

I have been broody, so desperate to share a baby with my new partner, I refused to listen to the inner voice that wanted to tell me that instead of fighting at any costs what I couldn't have (infertility issues), I should accept that maybe, having a baby together wouldn't be as picture perfect as I convinced myself and that if I trully focussed on what I have already, I would realise that it is possible to fight the feeling of broodiness. I am almost totally there.

FunWithFlags

I got curious and had a nosy at some of your previous posts and I really hope everyone is right and that you would not be considered for adoption. To put a vulnerable child in the situations that some of your threads have described would be so cruel. It's pretty hard to see what it is you could offer another child apart from masses of stress.

If you want that baby feeling again, would it not be an option to train in childcare and work in a nursery? That way you could change nappies and cuddle babies for the rest of your life if you wanted!

Errata

Lady, you don't need another child, you can't cope with the ones you already have.