Christmas family stuff (already)

Bigmoney2

You could ask your brother if he's planning on asking mum over for christmas, and maybe come to an agreement between you, then present it to mum.
Does she normally come to you or do you take it in turns, maybe she felt like she'd been neglecting his family at christmas.

Padstow

Edwardia wrote: »

It's only August but on Saturday my widowed mother told me she didn't want to go to my younger brother's for Christmas. Taking the hint I did the daughterly thang and immediately invited her.

Last year the same request was made. Then two days before, when food was already bought/defrosting/being prepared, my mother changed her mind and ended up staying at my brother's house.

I'm worried that she'll do it again therefore. My mother is a vegetarian and we're not so it does involve extra buying, planning and cooking and once food is defrosted it can't be re-frozen.

c I'm a college-trained ex-chef and a former veggie myself so doing decent organic veggie food isn't a prob.

We have loads of movies and music, a black Labrador and always have a real Christmas tree. OH gets given quite a bit of booze at Christmas so there's always champagne, wine, port etc and I had already bought the Bailey's, Quality Street etc that she likes.

The excuse she gave was that it was because of the snow. I live nearer to her house in countryside of next county than bro, and there are A roads all the way, without steep hills. If she had wanted to she could have come day earlier by train which is an hour door to door.

So I'm thinking the excuse was feeble and I don't understand why she did it. I think we're pretty close, we talk every day and see each other once a week, alternating between houses. We also go to London and France together as well as food and clothes shopping.

I don't want to waste stuff again and be sitting there with OH and no guest. It didn't spoil our day but it did put a dampener on.

How do I tactfully tell her I'm not going to be happy if she does it again ?

Defrosting? Is that a Quorn roast by any chance? £4 to thow in the bin at Christmas.What ever next Mrs Bucket?
I think you're hilarious. I used to believe that you were real on the low carb thread. Now I know for sure that you are a WUM.
"A black Labrador and a real Christmas tree." Haha, and a log fire!

Just to check

The log fire, black lab and a real christmas tree sounds neutral to your Mum. Do you think the neighbour rifling through your parcels may have turned her off? Perhaps the intimidation from the local gangs then? No I don't think so either.
Ask your husband, he may tell you, but I doubt it.

minnty

daska wrote: »

Normally I'd agree with you but Edwardia's diet is extremely low carb so a fussy vegetarian expecting fussy dishes is not so easy to accommodate without additional work.

I would hardly call the Mother's diet "fussy". The only fussy one seems to be the OP, no wonder the Mother decided to opt for a more relaxed Christmas.

Mojisola

Padstow wrote: »

"A black Labrador and a real Christmas tree." Haha, no wonder your Mum cried off!

minnty wrote: »

no wonder the Mother decided to opt for a more relaxed Christmas.

Have you missed the bits about the Mother asking to come to Christmas dinner - she's not being pressurised to do so!

minnty

Mojisola wrote: »

Have you missed the bits about the Mother asking to come to Christmas dinner - she's not being pressurised to do so!

And she changed her mind, it shouldn't be a huge deal. Christmas for us has been very informal, people come and go it shouldn't require huge amounts of forward planning and trying to live up to a glossy mags ideal.

Yorkie1

jenhug wrote: »

Edwardia, I would so love to spend christmas with you! You seem to get it the same way I do! None of my family are half as excited as me about it.

You seem to have a good relationship with your mum, just say, "I'm happy you want to come to us for Christmas, but do you intend letting me down last minute again?"

Its a fair question.

I like this approach.

If I dared to cancel my family at such short notice, I'd consider it to be the height of rudeness - and so would they. People do go to trouble over the christmas period, and have expectations / hopes about being together or how things will go.

Mojisola

minnty wrote: »

And she changed her mind, it shouldn't be a huge deal. Christmas for us has been very informal, people come and go it shouldn't require huge amounts of forward planning and trying to live up to a glossy mags ideal.

That's your way and you might not mind someone canceling at the last minute but Edwardia's mother would be very upset if Edwardia didn't go to great lengths to produce something special and was still rude enough to cancel knowing the kind of preparations that would have gone on specially for her.

nearlyrich

I can't believe people are getting distressed about Christmas on 6th August to be honest...

Edwardia

The defrosting stuff included home-made quiches for a buffet tea to snack on while watching movies.

I don't live near the Eastern European gangs I try not to shop in that area either now. They have been violent to others, as I explained and I find groups of them intimidating.

When my father was alive our parents spent Christmas Day on their own by choice more often than not and came to see bro/us Boxing Day or New Year's Day.

I have no idea what a WUM is and I don't want to know. I'm fed up with being criticised. My labrador was a Christmas present from my parents, a rescue. That's bad ? Padstow go bother someone else, you live in a 4000 sq foot house after all.

I low carb as I have diabetes and it gives me normal blood sugar. Since going organic my consultant says my eye disease is reversing and if I keep eating this way there's a good chance I won't need laser treatment. I'd rather keep my eyesight than lose it so I put eating organic ahead of holidays or a huge TV.

My mother eats a low fat high carb vegetarian diet and as she has high blood pressure and has developed high cholesterol as well this year. A low fat, low salt, low dairy/eggs, high carb, vegetarian diet is quite difficult when you eat organic low carb and don't have carb staples in the kitchen.

She's my mother, I want her to be happy. She's seriously unhappy because she and my father were joined at the hip and she's not coping with her bereavement. What's wrong in trying to do that for her ?

I was upset that she suddenly decided to go to my brother's that's why I asked for advice on how to tell her that she has to let me know and then not pull out.

I now wish I hadn't bothered asking for advice.

burnoutbabe

I would have told her how disappointed i was last year, at the time. got to the bottom of the snow excuse then, if as you say he lives further away than you do. And yes, people could get the train (as i planned to do if the snow didn't let up last year and car wouldn't start)