Christmas family stuff (already)

barbiedoll

I think that your mum is taking you for granted, but as she sees you frequently, speaks to you often and you consider that the two of you are "close", she probably doesn't even realise that it's offensive to you to be let down at the last minute. It does appear that she's "hedging her bets" but to me, it just seems that she takes it as a given that she's invited to your place if no-one else wants her. This is not a bad thing and she probably doesn't realise that even though you're a trained chef, the time and effort that you spend on her very specific meal requirements mean that you resent it when she doesn't turn up. (Mind you, you do make a rod for your own back.....if she wants a snack, why can't she have a cheese sandwich or something?)

You should speak to her frankly about this, if she is going to demand specific home-prepared meals and special items for snacks etc, then she should be prepared to make a commitment. You are quite prepared to go to the effort to make the day special for her, it is quite rude of her to suddenly let you down, so tell her that. I quite agree with the other posters, Christmas at your place sounds lovely, I wish I had a veggie chef on call too!

And speaking as one of two daughters who have a brother, my sister and I can tell you that if the prodigal son says "jump", our mum will say "how high"! There's something about mothers and sons that often infuriates daughters. My brother sometimes doesn't speak to my mum for weeks but as soon as he turns up at the door, all is forgiven. When I didn't call my mum for a week, she phoned me and said (in a very sarcastic tone) ..."just thought I'd better call and make sure that you weren't dead"

It's the way of the world! :rotfl:

Hanging_by_a_thread

Edwardia wrote: »

My mother would be really offended if I gave her a Waitrose ready meal. If it wasn't Christmas it would be OK but for Christmas lunch, total no no. From her point of view it's nice to have something special cooked by someone else.

I think she has a nerve to be honest. Expecting something special to be home cooked, yet feels it is fine to pull out of xmas with you at the last minute, without a second thought for how that would make you feel.

I think you are far to thoughtful toward someone who needs a lesson in etiquette and good manners, whether she is your mother or not. Why do you feel so worried about discussing how you are feeling with her, tiptoeing around her reaction.

If only she showed you such consideration. I think you are a saint for jumping in and offering to host her this xmas. You are entitled to confirm that it isn't all going to be a waste of your time and effort and just be thrown back in your face again!

Edwardia

Other people say the house looks beautiful, amazing, relaxing etc. It's just home to me and isn't something out of Ideal Home magazine.

I want our home to reflect us not whatever is in fashion. It's certainly not formal, I want it to be something really comfortable. I started collecting what my parents believed to be old junk aged around eleven ie leather suitcases, Victorian typewriter, fedora, prints, postcards, old books, 78rpm records, brass side table etc.

My stepdaughter lives in the USA, no rumbunctious kids here just a labrador. I don't have Twister but have cards and loads of board games.

Last year I bought a brass toasting fork, crumpets and chestnuts and went out foraging pine cones for the fire. I'd happily buy my mother her favourite French milk at £2 a litre if it made her happy.

I do feel a tad taken for granted actually ie not the shiny new toy.. I did feel let down last year.

I don't mind pampering her, because well she's my mother.

I am tiptoeing around her a bit because my father died suddenly September 2010 and I get the 'you don't understand how terrible it is'. No, I don't but tbh I don't think she's dealing with it at all. I've suggesting grief counselling but she refuses. I can't bring him back and I give her as much support as I can. It feels rotten to say this but I think she's using the fact that he died to guilt me into doing stuff for her which isn't fair because most of the time I would do it anyway.

Thank you for the kind words.

Edited: OH says in his opinion she tries to make me feel guilty as I have him and she's on her own rather than trying to guilt me into doing more.

minnty

barbiedoll wrote: »

I she probably doesn't realise that even though you're a trained chef, the time and effort that you spend on her very specific meal requirements mean that you resent it when she doesn't turn up.

I would hardly call providing vegetarian food a very specific requirement. Maybe the OP is fussing too much over her diet, it's not hard to serve up a meal without meat at very short notice.

Sambucus_Nigra

I'd just tell her it isn't a problem and that last year's meal you made her is still in the freezer so as long as she lets you know by 6pm on Christmas eve you can still defrost it in time.

Edwardia

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

I'd just tell her it isn't a problem and that last year's meal you made her is still in the freezer so as long as she lets you know by 6pm on Christmas eve you can still defrost it in time.

That's hilarious ! :T Wouldn't dare say it though.

arbroath_lass

Make something that can be served hot or cold. Then if she does cancel you can have it another day OR you can take it round to her and let her see what she's missed.

It's only Christmas. People make too much fuss and stress striving for perfection.

minnty

arbroath_lass wrote: »

Make something that can be served hot or cold. Then if she does cancel you can have it another day OR you can take it round to her and let her see what she's missed.

It's only Christmas. People make too much fuss and stress striving for perfection.

Agreed, it's meant to be a time of relaxation and celebration not stressing weeks ahead to make one day resemble a magazine article.

Chill, so what if she decided to go somewhere else. Maybe it would tell you to relax a bit when it comes to forward planning and just take and enjoy things as they come.

Sambucus_Nigra

Edwardia wrote: »

That's hilarious ! :T Wouldn't dare say it though.

Why not? I would.

Having said that, we don't make a huge deal out of Christmas - we have nachos at 11, after we get back from the allotment and we have veggie chilli at about 6. Apart from that, just a normal day. With more chocolates.

daska

minnty wrote: »

I would hardly call providing vegetarian food a very specific requirement. Maybe the OP is fussing too much over her diet, it's not hard to serve up a meal without meat at very short notice.

Normally I'd agree with you but Edwardia's diet is extremely low carb so a fussy vegetarian expecting fussy dishes is not so easy to accommodate without additional work.