HELP! I'm married and now I want to end it! :(

Mr_Vee

hsgamboy wrote: »

Oh yeah a troll? THen he should love my reply. Arrange Marraiges are slowing but surely getting wipe out of Indian culture. Now it's more like blind dates been arranged and letting the sons and daughters to decide for themselves. I doubt that his folks will get their uni son to India and get him married.

How is is meant to look after his Indian wife

Last year I was in my penultimate year of my degree, unfortunately I did not pass 2 exams so had to resit them at the next opportunity – i.e. this year/ the exams which are coming up in a few weeks time. As I didn’t have to attend lectures this year, I thought hey, I might as well the most of my time off and visit the old “homeland”! So off I went! My parents went one week earlier than me, and when I arrived I discovered that they had been placing adverts (Yes! Adverts!!!) in the local newspaper and asking relatives to find suitable girls for me. I initially was laughing it off but thought, hey no harm in trying! Don’t want to upset anyone and what’s the worst that could happen? It was definitely not my intention to end up married after a month! But over there it’s such a fast-track approach and any glimpse of interest and you are away and married!

To please the family & relatives, I must’ve “interviewed” around 20-30 girls and then just as I got fed up of it all, I met one final girl (now my wife). My parents and hers seemed to have hit it off, she was much nicer overall than the 20-30 other girls and everyone seemed to be waiting for my decision. My parents took a liking to her as she was prettier than the others and said comments like “she’s beautiful”, “you won’t find a nicer one than her”, “the family are great”, “if you don’t say yes straight away then someone else will take her away” etc etc….Even though all those things really didn’t matter to me (Plenty more fish in the sea and all that!) In all, I felt very pressurised! And now ere I am, married and not wanting to be!!

Hope that that has cleared up any misunderstandings…

Mr_Vee

achtunglady wrote: »

Tell the family you are concentrating on your exams and will sort out the paperwork after they have finished, this should buy you a bit of time,use it well to study, the next biggest "shame" in indian families is an educational failure, say you need a clear head to concentrate because you don't want to fail, but don't make any comments regarding the "wife" as yet.

Was the marriage the main reason for her to come and live in the UK? Does she have a university education as well?

Yes, that’s correct. I think 99% of the girls in India aspire to marry a UK or USA guy so they can “escape” to a better way of life. So I guess she is very much biased by the fact that this is a UK chappy and he’s not too bad looking (LOL) and he’s on his way to being in a respectable profession. So its clearly the jackpot for her…

As far as her degree goes – she was doing Nursing and Midwifery but was half way through her first year. She has now stopped that and is pretty much sat at home awaiting her “call” over to England, getting all excited about being here and the new life and new family, etc. She is also taking classes to improve her spoken English and is doing a few training courses too.

So as you can see, the fact that she has halted her studies half way through her first year, will also be a major issue in this fiasco…

Mr_Vee

Lusignan wrote: »

He's been registered for a year and has posted reasonably, looking at his past posts. I'm inclined to take this as a serious dilemma, unless proven otherwise.

OP - getting legal advice is your best bet, but I've no idea how you're going to handle the family fall-out. When you spent time with the girl, what impression did you get of her thoughts about you?

A little story… With reference to my previous post where I mentioned the “interviews”. My mate said to me, “I don’t know what you’ve done but one thing I know is, when I go to any interview I lie my A$$ off! Anything to get the job!”

Looking back at it, that’s most likely the case for this situation too. The girls at interviews will say anything to please. They want to “sell themselves” but at the same time, I’m pretty sure that these girls have been brought up in such a way that the first guy that shows interest and is accepted as a spouse, that’s it - Automatic love!

In her emails/ phone calls she says “I love you, I miss you…” “Do you miss me?”

I tell her, “look, I don’t even know you well enough to miss you let alone love you.” “it’s something that will develop with time – I think that love is not automatic.” I guess it’s different over there eh… some sort of fairytale to them… hmm

Mr_Vee

Bettyboop wrote: »

How long have you been married? and go to your CAB ASAP, the have brochures in there about arranged marraiges and what you can do to get out of it.

Good Luck

Thanks for the advice. Will pop over later today.

The registered marraige was just over 4weeks ago.

Voyager2002

I'm afraid I do not believe this story.

Middle-class Indians are bright, and perfectly capable of reading websites such as that of the British Embassy. And if they are serious about getting their daughter settled in Britain, they will certainly find out what the rules are and avoid the very basic mistakes that we are told they made.

Firstly, the marriage of a British resident (such as Mr Vee) will only be regarded as valid for visa purposes if the British resident first obtains, from the Embassy, a document called a Certificate of No Impediment (CNI). And this can only be obtained over a six-week period. Mr Vee was not there for long enough and does not mention completing the formalities at a British diplomatic mission. It is therefore not possible for his "bride" to obtain a UK visa for settlement.

Secondly, he says that the bride's family are constantly telephoning him about applying for a visa for their daughter. This is odd: SHE is the person who would be applying for the visa. He would have to send evidence that he earns enough to support her and has a home in which she can live (and since he is a student he probably cannot provide such evidence).

No, try to invent something more interesting, and get the details right.

Mr_Vee

Voyager2002 wrote: »

I'm afraid I do not believe this story.

Middle-class Indians are bright, and perfectly capable of reading websites such as that of the British Embassy. And if they are serious about getting their daughter settled in Britain, they will certainly find out what the rules are and avoid the very basic mistakes that we are told they made.

Firstly, the marriage of a British resident (such as Mr Vee) will only be regarded as valid for visa purposes if the British resident first obtains, from the Embassy, a document called a Certificate of No Impediment (CNI). And this can only be obtained over a six-week period. Mr Vee was not there for long enough and does not mention completing the formalities at a British diplomatic mission. It is therefore not possible for his "bride" to obtain a UK visa for settlement.

Secondly, he says that the bride's family are constantly telephoning him about applying for a visa for their daughter. This is odd: SHE is the person who would be applying for the visa. He would have to send evidence that he earns enough to support her and has a home in which she can live (and since he is a student he probably cannot provide such evidence).

No, try to invent something more interesting, and get the details right.

1) You are making many assumptions:
- the family are middle class, correct. Well done!
- they are computer literate and capable of browsing the correct sites to get the relevant info for their own interest. Probably not, my wife has only just started emailing and only her older brother just about knows how to use a computer (doubtful he can browse the internet properly.)
2) All this happened within 5days so tell me who is going to actually be thinkin of surfing the net to check the British high commision website or whatever when they are faced with the so called jackpot! And that is presuming they are capable of doing so, which you are pretty sure they are!
3) the marraige IS valid for visa purposes... but it is not valid as a UK marriage. So according to the UK marraige reg, im never married. So if i were to annul the marraige then it'd be annuled over in India and not here.
4) the settlement criteria is basically, that I am a uk citizen and that I and my household are able to support her while she is here. Now for that, any simple mind would think that I would need to show income/ money but to the intelligent it could also mean a statement from my father saying he will provide free accomodation or providing his bank statements to support my bank statements. So get that whole student idea outta your head.
5) perhaps I was a little unclear, and for that I apologise, but her family are not hounding me to do the paperwork (as in the visa forms) but to do the paperwork (i.e. supply copies of my bank statements, electoral register, P45s, etc, etc.)

Finally, I think if you have time to pick faults at this topic rather than contribute a valid point across, you have far too much free time on your hands!

It's people like you who waste time saying useless/ bad things! Why? When it takes an equal effort to say something nice/ useful! And the thing is, on here, your comment could well have convinced a few dozen or so helpfull people from putting up a valid comment... :T

No doubt you will want to argue your case back, but I really didn't intend to open up my personal private life on here to all the thousands to be told I am a fraud and making it up!!

Narrow mindededness will get none of us anywhere!

Voyager2002

Mr_Vee wrote: »

1)
3) the marraige IS valid for visa purposes... but it is not valid as a UK marriage. So according to the UK marraige reg, im never married. So if i were to annul the marraige then it'd be annuled over in India and not here.

If a UK resident marries a foreigner in that person's country, without first obtaining a CNI, it is then impossible for the spouse to obtain a UK settlement visa on the basis of that marriage. So your 'wife' will not be able to come to the UK: if and when you provide proof of income etc. and she applies for a spousal visa, her application will be declined.

I must say, if her family regard marriage to a UK resident as being like winning the first prize in a lottery, I would have thought that they would have checked things out and avoided getting into this situation. That is why I find your story implausible.

Anyway, a wedding that has not been consummated (no sex has taken place) can be annulled. This is not a divorce, but is rather clarifying that there never was a valid marriage. And since the woman remains a virgin, she retains her honour and continues to be marriageable, so the trouble with the families is less than if it were a question of divorce.

thesaint

Mr Vee, why have you got a poll at the start of this thread?I

think you are inviting serious doubt when you include 'Skip the country and run off to Spain'.

Mr_Vee

thesaint wrote: »

Mr Vee, why have you got a poll at the start of this thread?I

think you are inviting serious doubt when you include 'Skip the country and run off to Spain'.

Yes, perhaps youre right there... I could say "i may be in this situation but my sense of humour will never leave me" but then some other wiseguy will comment on that...

Just can't win really can I...

Perhaps we should just close this topic... it's been hijacked after an initially promising start!!! :mad:

Rupa

No, please don't close the topic! It's great! Poor girl in India, but she will find someone else I am sure. Maybe time you left home??? Any student accommodation going spare?