HELP! I'm married and now I want to end it! :(

Mr_Vee

Hi folks,

A little background info about me first: I'm a UK-born and bred, Indian, male from the Midlands. Around January time I went on a trip to India with my parents for a month. It was meant to be purely a holiday and we visited Goa, Bombay, friends & family etc but somehow I ended up being "talked into" an arranged marriage!

I went through with an engagement ceremony (which is not a proper Hindu wedding as far as I know) and we exchanged rings and I signed the registered wedding application (that’s what it’s called over in India – i.e. I am registered married now by law.) After which, we spent a few days together but I DID NOT have sex with her as it just did not feel like the right thing to do and I had no attraction to her.

As you can imagine, our two families are now united together and my parents in particular are very attached to the new daughter-in-law. But there really are no feelings, attraction, or any sort of motivation on MY behalf to make a go of it. I’ve spoken to friends and they have said, “you rushed it”… “you’ve got to deal with it ASAP” etc. The girl’s family are always phoning and asking if I have done “the paperwork” for her visa application but I have totally neglected it (it’s the last thing on my mind and will suggest that I am happy with her coming over to the UK)

Now looking back on it, I'm convinced it’s the wrong thing to have done... I feel as if I have been the victim of a "forced marriage". To top it all off, I have MAJOR university exams coming up at the end of May and I really don’t want to risk failing them – or I will be without a degree.

So to sum things up: I got married; I don’t want to be married to her any more; Time is ticking, exams are coming up and I’m thinking of annulment? Or divorce? What is the legal status of my India-registered marriage?

Please could someone advise on what options are available, time-scale and how costly before I seek proper legal advice. Many thanks in advance.

(P.S. I know most people who read this, will have little knowledge on the situation and some may even laugh or joke about it, but any sort of positive suggestions are appreciated.)

bikerqueen

get legal advice.

sweetmoneysaver

I second bikerqueen. What a difficult situation to be in. Find out what your options are and then make your decision. It would be better to end it now then have a lifetime of misery. The only thing that may be a harder problem is the family(ies). Good luck!

mamamia

Firstly, you need to concentrate on your exams and get the degree sorted out.Then, need to give yourself time to get to know this lady, you may end up liking her but if you feel that there is no way you can spend the rest of your life with her then get legal advice. Going into an arranged marriage is difficult initially but it works. I have Asian friends who are happily married through arranged marriage.

Good luck

lotto-dreamer

What a dreadful dilemma -

Unfortunately, in this situation, whatever you do, someone is going to get hurt. But, a lifetime of misery and regret is a terrible price to pay.

It might help to write a letter to your parents to explain how you feel (as you have here) before actually speaking to them -to prepare the way for what will obviously be a blow to them.

Perhaps offering some sort of financial compensation if possible to your "fiancee" to ease the situation might help ?

You will need legal advice but I think the biggest difficulty is the emotional side of things and family expectations. You will need to be strong - it won't be easy - best of luck.

hsgamboy

what were you thinking dude? you're at Uni and haven't got into the real world yet. A world of 9-5, debt & mortgages and you went off getting yourself married.

One good news is that, a) your marriage took place in India and doesn't stand a leg in the British laws. b) you're a bloody poor student ( unless your happen to be that pixel.com student millionaire dude) so the only thing in your name is that student loan and overdraft. I doubt if she wants half of that:rotfl: :rotfl:

Now the bad news dude, is that you are not only married to this girl, but both families are now married to each other (African and India style). There are going to be a lot of massively p*ss*ed off guys both here in Uk and particularly in India. This p*ss*d-off will be past on from one generation to the next - long after you're gone. Now both families are joint now and are friends forever, until you pull out and they will be bitter enemies. You will not only disappoint your folks and family but dishonour them as well.

Now the thing is - this is your life and you only got one. Tell both families now that you don't wish to go ahead with this, finish Uni, get laid by a few women, get a job, party a bit, get laid by few more women, get your own place, meet a nice girl you love and settle down. Good luck:beer:

Ps -- watch your back as the girl's family in india are most like to hire an Indian hitman to wipe you off this planet:beer: :beer: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Nenen

If you didn't have the courage to stand up to your family whilst in India and say a loud "NO THANKS" to their wedding suggestion then I doubt very much if you will have the courage to completely dishonour them now. I'm sorry to say I suspect a troll here.

seven-day-weekend

Nenen wrote: »

If you didn't have the courage to stand up to your family whilst in India and say a loud "NO THANKS" to their wedding suggestion then I doubt very much if you will have the courage to completely dishonour them now. I'm sorry to say I suspect a troll here.

I had wondered, but will give him the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.

If you have not slept with her, get an annullment.

hsgamboy

Oh yeah a troll? THen he should love my reply. Arrange Marraiges are slowing but surely getting wipe out of Indian culture. Now it's more like blind dates been arranged and letting the sons and daughters to decide for themselves. I doubt that his folks will get their uni son to India and get him married.

How is is meant to look after his Indian wife

achtunglady

Tell the family you are concentrating on your exams and will sort out the paperwork after they have finished, this should buy you a bit of time,use it well to study, the next biggest "shame" in indian families is an educational failure, say you need a clear head to concentrate because you don't want to fail, but don't make any comments regarding the "wife" as yet.

Was the marriage the main reason for her to come and live in the UK? Does she have a university education as well?

Lady_S

Can't you just tell them that the government won't give her a Visa, jobs a good un.