HELP! I'm married and now I want to end it! :(

Bunnyinthelights

Sorry folks,
I'm thinking troll here as well....

Bunny

alwaysonthego_2

Bunnyinthelights wrote: »

Sorry folks,
I'm thinking troll here as well....

Bunny

troll alert

Lusignan

He's been registered for a year and has posted reasonably, looking at his past posts. I'm inclined to take this as a serious dilemma, unless proven otherwise.

OP - getting legal advice is your best bet, but I've no idea how you're going to handle the family fall-out. When you spent time with the girl, what impression did you get of her thoughts about you?

Bettyboop

How long have you been married? and go to your CAB ASAP, the have brochures in there about arranged marraiges and what you can do to get out of it.

Good Luck

Nenen

Lusignan wrote: »

He's been registered for a year and has posted reasonably, looking at his past posts. I'm inclined to take this as a serious dilemma, unless proven otherwise.

You could be right and if I'm wrong I'll certainly apologise. I just found the story of someone who couldn't say 'no' to his family about an arranged marriage wanting advice from people (whom he himself said probably wouldn't understand the cultural issues) about how to get out of this situation which, from my knowledge of Asian culture would certainly devastate his family.

Maybe I'm just getting too suspicious in my old age and should be more inclined to give the benefit of the doubt. I just got really annoyed with a recent troll who had people taking endless time and trouble to give all sorts of advice and then finished up laughing at everyone who had tried to help. Left an unpleasant taste... but then again it's not fair to 'tar everyone with the same brush' and I'd hate for a genuine problem to go unhelped. So, like you, I did look at Mr Vee's previous posts before commenting that he could possibly be a troll. The thing I found strange about his previous posts (which individually all looked very genuine I might add) was that he claims in this thread to be a student at uni and yet many of his previous posts were from May/June last year (exam time for uni students) about how he was doing endless DIY projects including laying a new floor, installing a new kitchen and buying a £500 fridge/freezer. Now I know that not all students are poverty striken (lucky them) but I do find it slightly odd that a student is doing this sort of thing during exam time! Perhaps I'm getting too suspicious again or maybe I should change my name to Miss Marple! :rotfl:

I really wish Mr Vee all the luck in the world if he's genuine and a rotten egg if he's not!

babs

Sorry, I've gotta ask....

Whats do you mean by a troll?

pboae

The Foreign Office has a Forced Marriages Unit and phone line
FMU site
The number is 020 7008 0151 and it's a confidential help line.

From your description I am not sure you will be able to claim it was a forced marriage, as you need to show you were under duress, but I don't know what the definition of duress as compared to just family pressure is. In any case, try the FMU and at least you'll be able to talk through your worries with someone who understands the problem.

babs: a troll is someone who is just trying to get a response and/or wind people up, and not someone with a genuine problem. Personally, I'd rather give the benefit of the doubt, because even if one post isn't genuine there maybe someone with similar problems who finds that post and the responses, so they can get the help they were looking for even if they were too frightened to ask for themselves.

Nenen

pboae wrote: »

babs: a troll is someone who is just trying to get a response and/or wind people up, and not someone with a genuine problem. Personally, I'd rather give the benefit of the doubt, because even if one post isn't genuine there maybe someone with similar problems who finds that post and the responses, so they can get the help they were looking for even if they were too frightened to ask for themselves.

Pboae... that's a really good way of looking at it... :A It might sound stupid of me but I've never thought of it from that angle before... I just got cross about seeing people sniggered at when they were trying to help. I'm definitely going to take your approach if/when I can now.
I suppose it's a bit like something I remember a spokesperson for Childline saying a while back, namely that for every hoax call they get (often from a group of giggling children) they always try to stay sympathetic, calm and non-judgemental as there might be one child in the group who genuinely needs to speak to them and this is their way of 'testing the water'. Thanks very much for a good point well made.:beer:

Morglin

In case the post is genuine, then these arranged Asian marriages (and any problems with them) are generally sorted out within those communities.

A place to start may be:

http://www.asianfamilycounselling.org.uk/

Lin

Mr_Vee

Nenen wrote: »

If you didn't have the courage to stand up to your family whilst in India and say a loud "NO THANKS" to their wedding suggestion then I doubt very much if you will have the courage to completely dishonour them now. I'm sorry to say I suspect a troll here.

I think you have an extremely valid point there. This is going to be EVEN tougher than the initial plunge. The legal side of it (divorce/ annulment i am not too worried about... it's the family/community side of things that could prove to be the worst bit.)

And sorry to disappoint all you "troll watchers" out there, but i am serious!

I am a student and I am a bit of a DIYer too. In fact, I'm 26 and a mature student. I don’t have my own place but live with my parents. Last summer I renovated most of their house including the kitchen which needed its floor levelling and nice new kitchen deserves a nice new £500 fridge, surely?!