THE CHALLENGE OF A FUTURE WITHOUT Mr 3Dogs ..... but friends will make it possible

NorthernLas

3Dogs and MandyLou -

My advice would be to do as much administration 'stuff' while you are numb.

Also, let the tears flow, it helps to howl when you need to. I found howling in the car, in the rain while driving to work (on the motorway) was good for me ... with hindsight, maybe not the best place to do it for the other drivers tho'

When Mr NL died suddenly 5 years ago, I did fairly well during the 'numb' I'm in a movie/nightmare (insert which ever word is most appropriate). Though, I had a few moments with both British Gas and Virgin media even though I'd rehearsed what to say when they asked for his signature to change the name on the account (we were not married, so I am not his next of kin). I survived because of the help and hugs of friends, family and neighbours (all of whom know me since he hanged himself at home ).

My life has been enriched by the late Mr NL and I wouldn't have missed my 'rollercoaster ride' for the world. It has certainly been a roller coaster since then, but I look back with good memories filling the Mr NL shaped hole in my heart. I am so touched by how many people he mattered to and helped as well. I still am 3 steps forward 2 back but that is a net positive, so things are looking up.

I have a 'new' Mr NL (who is 5 years older than the last one). I am hanging on to him under my terms ... as Oscar Wilde said 'To lose one person is careless, but to lose two ...'

I am originally from Consett and went to college in Mackamland. I sent SWB a msg on FB when I heard (I have been 'cold turkey' on MSE for a few months). From what I read you and Mr 3 Dogs had a wonderful relationship and I wish you all the best at this shocking time :A:A:A

I have the pictures I put up of Mr NL at the funeral and all of the sympathy cards in a memory box in the bottom of my wardrobe.

If you have lots of Mr 3Dogs stuff, homeless men's charities are always short of stuff. Some will collect and if they can't use it they will get paid by weight from the rag man. Or you yourself could get paid by weight and save the spends for when you are feeling better (or for your fave animal charity).

You may find this a little strange, but I have sponsored toilets via Oxfam in memory of Mr NL and this year I'm clubbing together with a friend to get a school toilet block built in Uganda. He did love a good toilet, so it makes me smile :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Much love and hugs

NL x

3Dogs

Hello NorthernLas - what a beautiful post, thank you so much for the advice and good wishes. It must have been so horrible for you when your Mr NL died like that, but I am so glad that you have moved on somewhat and have a new Mr NL in your life. Most of Mr 3dogs' stuff has gone to a cancer charity already. He was eager for me to clear his old stuff that didn't fit to make the bedroom less cluttered, and I have the last couple of bags to go to the tip today

I had a good night's sleep last night, even though I didn't get there until 2 am Other than letting the dogs out for a wwee about 9am, I slept on and off till about 11am so that was good. dogs have been really good. Having said that, I just looked around my laptop screen to find Molly chewing at the edge of my new rug :eek: she's gone back to playing with the toy I brought her back now

I am just going to get dressed and pop down to the car boot cafe for a cuppa and chat, then get some shopping done. Weather is ok, quite bright with just a few drops of rain in the breeze, so I have washing on the line and it is drying ok

CookieRaider

So sorry for your loss and the fact that i was not around at the time ( work and then family holiday ) but ur a strong woman and i know you will deal with this :A xxx

3Dogs

3Dogs wrote: »

I am just going to get dressed and pop down to the car boot cafe for a cuppa and chat, then get some shopping done. Weather is ok, quite bright with just a few drops of rain in the breeze, so I have washing on the line and it is drying ok

Well I was all dressed and ready to go out when I got a visitor. It was the lovely District Nurse who got on so well with Mr 3Dogs and who ensured he got referred to hospital when he was so dehydrated and halucinating. She'd called a few times since to try to catch me and find out how things were but missed me each time as I was away after the funeral. She was very sad to learn of his passing, though it was no surprise to her, seeing as how he was when she last saw him. She stayed and chatted what had happened for about 45 minutes which was lovely I thanked her for all the help and support she'd given us both and for caring enough to call back, and we had a big hug when she left :A

Anyway, this delayed me, so by the time I got down to the cafe, it was all locked up. They close at 3pm but normally there for about an hour clearing up, but must have just missed them as I got there at 3.55 So just called at Tosco and then Asda for some shopping for Linda and straight home. I had forgotten her ciggies :eek: so had to pop out again after walking the doggies but managed to pick up a few whoopsies so made the most of the extra trip

I've just been chilling tonight, watching the Olympics as I caught up on the Tosco thread. Two fantastic Gold Medals today - Go Team GB

3Dogs

CookieRaider wrote: »

So sorry for your loss and the fact that i was not around at the time ( work and then family holiday ) but ur a strong woman and i know you will deal with this :A xxx

Thanks Cookie :A Much appreciated :beer: I hope your results are good for you tomorrow

solventsoon

Hi hun

Well having got through quite a few tissues reading this thread I can say that you are definitely still standing.

You are an amazing person, very strong, very capable and very loving and you will get through this even though you may well have more days/nights like Monday.

It's good that the dogs are home, they'll be good company and, as Angie says, they'll pick up on times when you're feeling sad and give you lots of doggie cuddles.

Take care hun, we're all rooting for you and here to prop you up on the days when standing is a bit more difficult.

(((Hugs)))

spoon xxx

3Dogs

solventsoon wrote: »

Hi hun

Well having got through quite a few tissues reading this thread I can say that you are definitely still standing.

You are an amazing person, very strong, very capable and very loving and you will get through this even though you may well have more days/nights like Monday.

It's good that the dogs are home, they'll be good company and, as Angie says, they'll pick up on times when you're feeling sad and give you lots of doggie cuddles.

Take care hun, we're all rooting for you and here to prop you up on the days when standing is a bit more difficult.

(((Hugs)))

spoon xxx

Well, I have had a couple of whiskeys tonight so might be a little wobbly on my feet:rotfl: :rotfl: Only kidding, just a couple of small ones and I am fine :beer: Thanks hun

3Dogs

Well, I must get off to bed now as I have to be up early to shower, dress, have my breakfast and then get the pups to the vets for 9am :eek: :eek: Anyone who knows me well will know that getting up early which I class as any time before noon is not my thing and I have perfected the art of 'multi snooze button pressing until it gives up', so I have my fingers crossed that the clock/radio/alarm gets me up or, if not, my mobile phone alarm will

So I'm signing off now - night night everyone - sleep well :beer:

SpiralingDown

Thinking about you. I agree with those who said to get all the paperwork done while you still feel numb.
I too had the moments while on the phone trying to sort out DH's accounts after he died last year when they asked for him to contact them regarding changes, I just ranted to them about how they'd have to reserect him for that to happen otherwise call in a medium to get them to ask him. :rotfl:
I must admit that the companies he had loads of debt with we're very helpful for a change and sent out SAEs for me to send them copies of the permission for burial certs then wiped the debt, but there was one CC company who he owed 14p to that are still hounding me, they can take me to court over it as they've said they will, I don't care

I still haven't sorted out DH's stuff, it's all sitting in my bedroom in the boxes it went into storage in, can't face looking in them.
I too feel that he's just going to walk in at any moment, it feels really strange that me and DS have moved and he won't ever see the place, I feel very angry that we had to move so soon after he died then have been living with family until we got this new house allocated to us.
I think the situation hasn't helped as I feel we've been in limbo for 8 months so think stuff's just starting to hit home now so have booked my self in for counselling but doesn't start for a few weeks, DS is being referred to the child development team for some anger issues.

I think I should remember to have a box of tissues handy at this time of night if I'm going to post about this stuff because now I have a very damp pillow from all the tears
I hope you get some sleep tonight Susan
Hugs
Julie

MandyLou66

Hi all
Hope all are well

Thanks for all your kind wishes it really helps to hear from everyone and to realise that I'm not the only one who has had to deal with this and won't be the last.

Love the toilet idea NL! Before Billy bag Nick was quite happy to sit in there for ages, we still have Darwins Awards and The Guiness book of hit singles in the loo!

Susan having the girls home will be a godsend, I have to get motivated to take Nemo out, he won't let me drown in self pity. He has taken to sleeping Nicks side of the bed instead of at my feet!

Hi SSA Nick will definitely be leading Alan astray (if he needs it!) with a pint or 2, he really missed his beer towards the end, bound to be making up for it.

Aesop I'm sure we had a conversation a while ago about all work and no play.......!!

Not a bad day yesterday, had to take Dom to pick up his first car!! Gave me something else to worry about! Our little boy behind the wheel of a real car, he's like a dog with 2 tails! Something about boys and their motors, our first together car was a really ugly red with black roof cortina called Eric!

People are keeping me from the sadness during the day, off to lunch with a friend today, but the nights are awful, I still wake up at 5.30 each day to give the first drugs and am awake till late at night 'thinking I have to make sure he's ok', am sure it will get better.

Take care all
ML
XXX