Lost everything now.

Welshwoofs

PasturesNew wrote: »

Maybe, as she's nobody to talk to, to turn to .... she's just dumping her thoughts here, the same as others would have a moan with their mates/OH. I don't think she's being negative.... just getting it out there - and having got it out there it probably spurs her on and clears the decks for her next plan.

I totally understand the need to rant, but what she's saying about having nobody and the facts she gives in other posts are contradictory. From the facts she's given she does have people to turn to and talk to - she has friends and family.

So, at least from my perspective, I don't really understand the contradition of saying you have someone on one post and then saying you have nobody on another....unless it's simply a change of perspective and swinging between positive/negative thinking about the same situation.

IGIP

It sounds like the OP is having a tough time at the moment but it also sounds like they may also be suffering from depression (as some other posters have mentioned). This is nothing to be ashamed about at all and to anyone with strong negative feelings of self worth I would recommend seeing your GP asap - you shouldn't have to battle with these on your own. The sooner you are able to start receiving help; the sooner life's knocks will seem more manageable.

It really is true though that positive things happen when you think positively.

(I can't post links but the NHS and Mind websites have some really good information. Someone else also mentioned the Samaritans and they will also be able to point you in the right direction for help)

Mr_Toad

Saturnalia, I know you'd rather be where you are but have you considered going home for a while? You'll be with friends and family, people who love you.

You can recharge and regroup, get a little TLC. There's nothing to stop you from going back to where you are now once you've got your strength and spirit back up to speed.

londonsurrey

Welshwoofs wrote: »

I totally understand the need to rant, but what she's saying about having nobody and the facts she gives in other posts are contradictory. From the facts she's given she does have people to turn to and talk to - she has friends and family.

So, at least from my perspective, I don't really understand the contradition of saying you have someone on one post and then saying you have nobody on another....unless it's simply a change of perspective and swinging between positive/negative thinking about the same situation.

My tuppence worth:

I suspect that what she means is that she hasn't got the ideal Mills and Boon setup, i.e. loving faithful husband, 2.4 children, successful careers, financial security, being able to look back on three decades of a marriage that one can present with pride to a wider circle of friends and family.

This idealised version sold to females is can be so damaging, but not recognised as such, not in the way the idealised la-la-land supermodel skinny perfection is beginning to be recognised as damaging.

I'm not unsympathetic, but I know what it's like not to even have that fallback support of parents and family that she casually dismisses to concentrate on the fact that she hasn't got a husband.

If she was my daughter/best friend, I'd tell her to go to the GP, get anti-depressants and counselling set up, get her on a regular routine of nourishing food and exercise and socialisation, and get those CVs out, including posts in sunny countries like the Cayman Islands in the search. It can be done, my mother lived there for a few years, because that chance was taken in a job search.

byjimini

It's not times like these that shape you though, it's how you deal with them and bounce back.

Don't let the !!!!!!!s get you down.

rozmister

Saturnalia I know it probably isn't very comforting but my life used to be like yours. I was always moving about from one dive to the next, was very lonely (was estranged from my parents for a year in my teens which didn't help), had no money and just wished someone would come and save me and hold me and make it all better.

I don't know quite how it happened but eventually I came to accept that as lovely as it would be for a Prince/Princess Charming to come charging in and sort it all out they just weren't coming I know that sounds brutal but once you get to the point where you don't wish for that all the time you feel amazing; that independence is truly priceless. Sure sometimes when someone close to me dies or a boy breaks my heart I do still wish for it but it passes.

I know it all seems rather pants right now but it can only get better when it's all pants. You made some really positive points about being good friends with your landlord and the space helping, having some temping work and having your dad's 65th birthday to look forward to.

I try to count at least five blessings everyday (I'm not religious so it's not like that it's just to focus on the positives). Sometimes my list contains stuff like; saw an episode of CSI I'd never seen before and it was really good or made chowder for the first time. It's not earth shattering stuff but it makes me feel better to focus on the things I have enjoyed or I can do rather than the things I haven't managed to get how I want then.

Plus having this rubbish times means when things do go right (and they will) you really truly appreciate them. Now I am more settled and happier in myself I find myself thinking how lucky I am every single day. Some of the things I'm grateful for some people wouldn't even think about for a second. But to me every day I can wake up and feel happy with my lot is a true blessing and you'll get there one day too

Welshwoofs

londonsurrey wrote: »

My tuppence worth:

I suspect that what she means is that she hasn't got the ideal Mills and Boon setup, i.e. loving faithful husband, 2.4 children, successful careers, financial security, being able to look back on three decades of a marriage that one can present with pride to a wider circle of friends and family.

This idealised version sold to females is can be so damaging, but not recognised as such, not in the way the idealised la-la-land supermodel skinny perfection is beginning to be recognised as damaging.

I do think you're right in that the pap we're fed, especially when young, do rather lead you to believe that we all have a 'soulmate' just waiting to charge in from the side lines and 'rescue' us. If we've not found this perfect relationship then we look at every couple we see in envy thinking their life must be perfect. I certainly don't fit the idealised view - in my 40s, never been married (3 long-term cohabiting partners), no children and no family within 3hrs other than a 92yr old Grandmother with dementia.

Of course, whilst there are happy 3 decade marriages, but there are many more that are short-lived, or kept together for convenience (financial or because of children.)

When I think back to my early 20s I can actually remember thinking along the same lines of 'I wish I had someone to take care of me' and wanting to have someone shelter me from life's knocks. I guess, over the years (and without even realising it), I've learned to deal with them myself - I'm definitely much stronger and more confident as a person than I was in my 20s.

If she was my daughter/best friend, I'd tell her to go to the GP, get anti-depressants and counselling set up, get her on a regular routine of nourishing food and exercise and socialisation, and get those CVs out, including posts in sunny countries like the Cayman Islands in the search. It can be done, my mother lived there for a few years, because that chance was taken in a job search.

It does sound as though a talking therapy would be extremely beneficial, yes. Like you, I absolutely believe that good nutrition, exercise and socialisation helps mood - apart from anything else, the more time you have on your hands, the more time you have to be introspective.