Lost everything now.

Tiddlywinks

Saturnalia wrote: »

It's not. This was a place I felt secure & like I belonged and that last remaining scrap is now gone. There's nothing left. I could bawl the whole night (probably will) and no-one will hear or care. I'm unemployable, unloveable and have no friends. If I stopped breathing it wouldn't matter to a soul, in fact I'd be a problem solved.

You'll find somewhere new that'll make you feel just as secure... 'home' isn't bricks and mortar, it's taking your cat (that you love and loves you), your photos, your books and all your personal stuff along with your memories.

You sound really down (depressed?) and seem to be looking at everything as a big problem which is beyond you... why?

Why do you think you are unemployable? Unlovable?

This could be an opportunity for you to move on!

I'm not just saying it to be all pink and fluffy. Think about it - you're clearly not *that* happy where you are, given what you've just said in your posts.

You are now being forced to change - which is uncomfortable I know - but may actually help you to change things for the better.

No friends? Use a house move as a chance to change area and then you have an excuse to go to local book / friendship / social clubs. Let's face it, you can then turn up alone and say 'hey, I've just moved here and don't know anyone... can you help me get to know the place and the people'.

Then, there's your 'employability' - can you volunteer somewhere? A cat rescue, local charity shop, hospital visiting? They're also great ways to make friends.

You have three months to find somewhere and you will do it... lots of LLs take well-behaved cats. I'm sure your current LL would give your cat a reference as well to confirm that it didn't ruin furniture, carpets etc. Also, just because an advert says 'no animals' doesn't mean you can't still ask the agent to contact the LL just in case - particularly as you'll have a good reference confirming that 'kitty' is an angel .

Give change a go - use it to your advantage... really, grab it and make it work for you.

ali-t

Saturnalia wrote: »

It's not. This was a place I felt secure & like I belonged and that last remaining scrap is now gone. There's nothing left. I could bawl the whole night (probably will) and no-one will hear or care. I'm unemployable, unloveable and have no friends. If I stopped breathing it wouldn't matter to a soul, in fact I'd be a problem solved.

You say you want to be settled and to belong but describe yourself as having no friends and unloveable in the place you currently live. That doesn't add up.

If you like the area, you should be able to find another place to stay. Would you consider a houseshare for you and the cat so you can make friends and new acquaintences? try spareroom.com or myflatmateclick for possible options.

jumpingjackd

Saturnalia wrote: »

I don't want freedom though, I want to be settled and to belong.

Things will get better, doesnt always happen when we want it but someday you will just say "this is it", please dont give up, maybe this is the best move for you right now. You have got three months to find a better place and who knows, that next place might just be the one?

aggypanthus

As someone else said, you posted before so I had a peep, you do sound very depressed and floored by this new let down, but, I note you said you were at a wedding recently, you must have a friend or someone who valued you enough to invite you, focus on that. Also you seem to be an intelligent interesting person. Best of luck with what you do next.

Trixi

Please try not to feel so down, this could be a real opportunity for you. As someone else said - you are now free to move to anywhere in the country and make a fresh start. Being settled will only happen when you are settled (if that makes sense), you might have felt 'safe' where you are now but you don't sound happy.

A few years ago I applied for a job I'd always wanted to try (nothing special, minimum wage). Like you I was free to move anywhere in the country so I emailed a lot of potential employers with an introduction and a CV. Part of the reason I ended up getting the job I got with was down to my willingness to relocate - this can honestly be a big positive to some employers so use it to your advantage.

Wishing you well x

sassyblue

Saturnalia wrote: »

I have a cat and few rented places allow pets so I'll have to leave her for the happy couple to enjoy while I come home to an empty flat.

It's all over.

you have a cat how are you going to come him to an empty flat?

Give yourself tonight to be upset then tomorrow look at the positives.... You could move somewhere nicer, or cheaper and make new friends, find a better job or anything else, as long as you put your mind to it.

I used to be like you, always looking at the negative, but that has GOT to change for your own good, otherwise everything that happens to you will drag you down. You do sound depressed or are you lonely? .

Good luck, keep us posted and use us on this thread for support if you need to. Xx

Saturnalia

I have quite a few people I'm getting to know here, no-one who is really a close friend yet but things are coming into place. There are also a few people I know from another forum I was in for years, I don't go there anymore but we are all on FB and we meet up every 6 months or so, again not close friends but people I like and who like me too.

Since I came to London, I've rented rough flats on 1-yr contracts and this is the first place I've been where I've stayed longer-term and felt I belonged. I took a charity shop job, joined a political campaign group and have been active in the street Residents' Association. I had something going on, I belonged to the community. Now I don't even know if I can afford to rent in the same town. (Which is where I really want to stay).

This is the first place that has been nice, well-decorated, clean and in good repair. My room is exactly how I like it, it's like a sanctuary. That's what I mean by being settled here. Now I'm going to be back to living with people I don't know who'll make mess & noise and a slumlord who lets it fall to pieces around us.

FatVonD

If I was in your position I'd be looking for a live-in pub job. You'd then have three things sorted in one, a home, a job and a social life.

If you were prepared to pay for its keep there might be an animal charity that would foster your cat until you get on your feet again?

Lara44

It is a nightmare finding good places in London. But you've got some fantastic local networks to draw on. Spend a whole day telling everyone you know you need a place to stay, and ask them to keep an eye and an ear open for you. Friends of friends can be a good match, with similar things in common. This move might actually help you to get closer to those people that you are starting to get to know.

It is miserable to have change forced upon you, don't feel bad for stressing about it. I agree with over posters you should visit your Dr and explain how low you're feeling though, it sounds more than just everyday stresses and strains.

Why not keep a diary thread like those on Debt Free Wanabee? You could tell us why you're unemployable and we can tell you otherwise! You are a good person

Welshwoofs

Saturnalia

Here's what you do. You spend a day having a good old wallow and luxuriate in feeling sorry for yourself and then when that's done, you pick yourself up and you start thinking about what you want to do. Why? Because long-term wallowing isn't productive and won't help you change your situation in any way whatsoever.

Ok, so you need to break down the issues you say you have:

1. You say you're 'unemployable'. Why do you think that? What are the practical steps you can take to increase your employability?

2. You say you are 'unloveable'. Unless you are a seriel killer, the chances are that you are loveable but here's the thing, if you don't start to love yourself you can't expect other people to. Self-assurance is attractive, self-pity is not.

3. Place to live. If you've come to like the area you're in then get out there and start checking for flatshares, bedsits etc. Look in the local paper, spread the word amongst people you've come to know, put an advert up in the local newsagent etc. Lots of landlords will accept a cat (I had a cat for years when living in London and never had an issue getting places) it's dogs that people have problems with. Even places that advertise as 'no pets' via agency often will allow a cat if you ask...the 'no pets' just seems to be standard spiel they pump out.

I actually agree with FatVonD. When I first went up to London at age 18, not knowing a damn soul and going into a flat share, the first thing I did was lobby the local pubs for a job. I got evening shifts secured in one of them and within a couple of months I knew heaps of people, had acquired a circle of friends and a social life. If your housing is shaky, living in a pub to work is a good option.....works for numerous Aussie and Kiwi backpackers!