Taking one step at a time-after death, before birth

lilmissmup

Hoping to hear that she is here soon

Lizloz

What a wonderful, inspiring and emotional thread to stumble across on a forum I don't usually look in to. I'm so very sorry for your loss but you do sound as though you are quite a strong and sensible person..you need to be for everything you've achieved and been through!

I'm not going to lie (as my daughter is almost 18 months old so the memories are still quite raw..!)...having a baby is one of the most tiring, exhausting and emotional life experiences you will ever go through...but it is the most rewarding and wonderful. She WILL bring you so much happiness that you never thought possible and you will love so much more than you ever thought capable and I'm sure from reading your thread that you will make up for the fact that her daddy isn't around, but you will also make sure that he will never be forgotten no matter what happens in your life from now on.

As for what to do with yourself now you're on maternity leave..?!...make the most of the rest because you are going to need it!!

I think having a doula is a really good idea as being a new mom is very over whelming and I'm sure she'll be a massive help for you.

I can't wait to hear that you've had her and I'm sure that although you will never meet us, I hope you know that we're here for you and if there's any advice you need you only need to ask (but I'm sure you'll be fine).

Good luck with the birth, I hope it all goes smoothly for you!

xx

kavics17

Thank you so much for your words, really appreciate them.

Still no baby girl, I'm waiting. Not patiently but still waiting.

I finished everything on my to do list and today the photoalbum arrived as well. Very, very emotional, lots of tears... I miss him more than ever, being at home alone doesn't help. I realized that the past 6 months I burried my feelings in the sand, I had no time to mourn him, work took over everything. I am very glad for that, that's what helped me through it but now I need to really concentrate on myself and on my little girl. It's hard to see that it's just the two of us but he will always be with us just not physically.

Financially, I did some spreadsheets and basically if I stay here I will need to go back to work at the beginning of May. At the end of the month I will be on zero and will not have quality time during the weekdays with my girl. If I go home than I can stay at home with her till she is 2 before needing to go back to work. I have no idea what to do, I need to do some research back there... Both options frightens me, going back to work full time when she is 6 months old or going home after 10 years?

poet123

Hard decisions. Do you have a supportive family back home or is it just a cheaper way of life? Could you get work in your chosen field when you would want to go back to work? What childcare options will you have here? What about your own quality of life, friends, location etc.

Try to see how things pan out after the baby arrives before making any life changing decisions. You have enough to deal with right now. Hope all goes well, take care.

Triker

Don't forget Kavics17, you may be entitled to some help in some form of benefits for childcare.

However I agree with Poet, it's a wait and see job. Good luck.

kavics17

Thank you for your inputs.

Yes, I do have a supportive family, a large one actually. It is a cheaper way of life there and the income I receive from rental properties would cover my expenses without going back to work. I won't look for work there, I see the move as temporary only, just for a year or two, I would most definitely come back after that. The quality of life would be better just because I wouldn't need to work while baby is small and family is there but I have no idea how I feel once I am there. It is a different world, much slower than here. Location is good, it's a city so there are plenty of opportunities to spend quality time with baby girl. As for childcare? I will have my parents, sister, brother fighting to spend time with us or just with baby girl. I agree not to make any decisions until baby is here but I keep thinking about it. I just feel I need change and not sure that having baby girl will be enough or I need a complete lifestyle change.

As for benefit or childcare. No, I am not entitled to anything. We were not married and my salary is too high to qualify for anything. It is enough for us to live and pay the rent/bills and not to get in debts if I go back to work in May but I would certainly need to watch my expenses. It's not really about the money, it's all about our life. How it can be, how it is going to be, what is the best for baby girl and I.

PurpleFairy26

Kavics, your Strength you have shown through this is inspiring. I'm due only a few days after you so have been keeping track of your progress. Just something to consider on benefits. I too earn too much to get anything, however, when I was on mat leave with DD1 I WAS entitled as my annual salary fell below the threshold for the 9 months I as off due to th substantial drop in income and only earning statutory mat pay for 27 weeks.

You may have done this already but if not, if you go on the hrmc website and put in the income you will earn for the year in question. I just put my DD details in for the previous year to when she was born to see if I could get anything. It worked out at about £1200 over a few months, which meant I could have an extra few weeks with her. I hope the same will happen this time

I wish you all the best

Lizloz

I can only say that you are in a very fortunate position where you can make that decision - I know which option I'd go for! I try to be very realistic about life and thought that by going back to work (full time sadly) when my daughter was only just 7 months old would be quite easy...which it was...until she started getting that little bit older.

The hardest part is when they start reaching certain milestones and I've missed one or two through being at work...it seems that once they hit the age of 1 they change so quickly it's mind blowing! On the salaries we're on, we should be able to afford for me to work part-time so I can make the most of the precious couple of years before school starts but past stupidity with money has meant that this has not been possible and I regret that so very much right now.

I'm sure you will make the right decision for the both of you and I wish you all the luck in the world with that.

xx

brizzledfw

Hi Kavics..just popping by and just wanted to wish you all the very best with this most amazing time. I have 2 darling girls ( 9 and 12) and despite the complexities of looking after them whilst also working at full pace it is the best of times...much love xx

kavics17

jonno7 wrote: »

Kavics, your Strength you have shown through this is inspiring. I'm due only a few days after you so have been keeping track of your progress. Just something to consider on benefits. I too earn too much to get anything, however, when I was on mat leave with DD1 I WAS entitled as my annual salary fell below the threshold for the 9 months I as off due to th substantial drop in income and only earning statutory mat pay for 27 weeks.

You may have done this already but if not, if you go on the hrmc website and put in the income you will earn for the year in question. I just put my DD details in for the previous year to when she was born to see if I could get anything. It worked out at about £1200 over a few months, which meant I could have an extra few weeks with her. I hope the same will happen this time

I wish you all the best

I did that already but i get two sets of maternity pay (2 jobs) and that takes me over the threshold.