Weekly Flylady Thread 30th July 2012

Jazee

Walk dogs (weather permitting) The weather has not permitted, raining torrents here. Will see if we can do this later
Cut grass & weeding (weather permitting) This will have to wait till tomorrow earliest now
Vaccuum living room - done
Get up to date with washing - all back indoors on airer. 3rd of 5 lots in WM
Washing up - done

I have also groomed the dogs quickly to make up for no walk yet.

As my plans have been scuppered, I'm going to start flying on a change round upstairs. DS has announced he doesn't need a room of his own when he returns in September as it'll only be for 2 nights a week term time. So planning to put gym bits in there and a z-bed for when he is a home.

Honey_Bear

rita-rabbit wrote: »

How many of you are getting your other half to do chores? Even 30% of it?

Like Ionafan I met Mr HoneyBear later in life, and he was used to living on his own. As a result he considers the cooking, washing up, cleaning, washing and ironing a shared responsibility but doesn't always treat it as a priority. He empties the kitchen bin when it needs it without being asked and I put the new bag in. He's the one that sorts out the fridge when it gets cluttered, but I'm the one that defrosts it. We buy the groceries on alternate occasions and cook on alternate nights.

However, there have been times of the past (nearly) 20 years when I could, quite cheerfully, have gone back to living on my own and a lot of that has been about responsibilities that haven't been shared either equally or well. It always feels, when it's bad, that he's being disrespectful.

I have sometimes dealt with conflict very badly, but when things have improved it has usually been as a result of my being very clear about what I find unacceptable, and what I expect him to contribute. It is sometimes much harder to work out what you actually want from someone than it is to communciate it. What may be important to you might not be to him. My joining this thread is part of a re-negotiation we're having at the moment - which is going well, I think.

It seems most men truly appreciate being told what women want.

helen_jelly

Inside car done and so am I

Helen

dragonette

Hi everyone *waves* birthday wishes and hugs as appropriate

Well, the flat is just as bad as I feared, unhappy cat and completelu non-functional OH. I had a horrendous IBS attack about an hour after getting home and couldn't move without pain. OH got me to order food then looked after me. He went on the comp at 11 for half an hour, and woke me up at 3am to go to bed

Everywhere is disgusting - the half batch of dishes he washed are stil filthy but a batch of washing was nearly dry. I'm nipping into town for a few things so have left him sleeping (he didn't sleep till 8 this morning as too upset and sore) after putting out more washing n throwing begging in the WM - it better stay dry.

We've got a long weekend at a festival next week n I want the place reasonable by then, esp as a mate needs somewhere to crash after flying home from the continent while we're away. Its gonna be a busy weekend for me! Only got 24 hrs left till I'm away again. Rapid cleaning may be my exercise this weekend!!

rita-rabbit

!"Ask him to do one job on a daily basis (my DH always gets the breakfast for both of us) and only add to his list of regular chores when he can do the first one without having to be reminded!?" list of regular chores - there is none - before he moved in he said we could do cleaning in turns - his never came so I texted him specific requests on his days off (he said he will not do any on work days - he works 4 days on & 3 off) & he said "not to worry about how he spends his time off & he needs to relax & read".
arguements obviously ensued after these comments - I believe he spoke to some of his friends & relatives & relented - doing something (badly) the next time I asked him.

"BUT IF YOU ARE OFF WORK SICK YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING! Other than sip soothing drinks;)" part of why I went back to work before really well was the mess indoors would depress me. I must eat decent food - whereas he would live on junk until poorly - so waking hungry from all night coughing I cooked & then ate - putting 1/2 on a plate for him to have when he woke up & then returned to bed. Himself woke up & started watching Olympics on TV - then went 2 kitchen & come back to bed with 1 bag of crisps & two mugs of tea!

What chores do the men do in your home? So I can then say "I've done some research & this is what others do" as the turns for cleaning is not happening! Note: he has no DIY skills - the cupboard that needs wall hanging has been in middle of living room floor and the cupboard door hanging off it's hinges - items outstanding for several months now.

"It seems most men truly appreciate being told what women want." I have been told that being irritated to come home (from work on one of his days off) to a sleazy pit & him smiling reading is nagging!! However on my days off he has come home to a cooked meal & clean flat. He cannot cook (not really - micro/readymade oven meals/pizza is what I discovered he meant by `cook' - before moving in he said he would happily learn on his days off!.....

I accept that I do all the cooking when possible (I do study part time & work full time) but constantly wiping down surfaces/walking through a trail of crumbs/drips because he doesn't want to dirty crockery to avoid washing it?!!

Should I write a rota of exactly what is necessary within the flat? My aunt says let him choose the jobs he would prefer to do - I did not as the ones that cause the most contention are the kitchen and bathroom - where the most dirt is left - so I would choose the bathroom (someone feels it unnecessary to clean bath with anything else but water after use!) but I do most of cooking from scratch I feel the kitchen should be one of his jobs.

I have 2 cats. I groom them often. I do not ask he do anything in relation to them. So feeding, litterchanging etc I do alone (am totally fine with that). However yesterday he was getting annoyed with one having a hairball attack stating that she should do it in the littertray?!!

He has suggested we entertain. He has even offered his Hungarian relatives to come & stay with us when they are in the UK. This worried me - alot. Should I take him up on this to get him to pull his weight indoors saying that having guests is a large hands-on job & as I will be doing the cooking he will need 2 get the place ship shape prior to their arrival?

He has a nice disposition & is tidy - guess that why he was still on the market when we met.

Rowan_tree_2

Hi there Rita-rabbit. Re BF moved in with you; I am the same as Ionafan and Honeybear in that my OH and I got together when we were older (in our 40s) both after previous marriages. Although he'd lived on his own a year and coped ok, once we were together guess who got to do most of the household chores? You've guessed it - it wasn't him! After many years, and many times by me when I'd had enough, we have finally reached a compromise. I still do more indoor chores than him, but he does most of the gardening and maintenance. I now just say 'you hoover' or whatever, 'while I do this,, and 'your turn for dinner tonight - make one of your yummy wot sits, we've got all the ingredients' and usually it works! Ionafan is right, men can't usually multi-task as we do, although there are exceptions. I've sometimes been so fed up I've gone on strike in the past, but now find I just say what I want.

If the rest of the relationship is ok then I would say stick with it and just see how it goes once he knows what you want. Good luck Rita, I know how frustrating it gets.

Well, Dusty and Froddington, just get off your podiums right now and make room for me! Have watched everything, and am so proud of our athletes - they have done our country proud - big WELL DONE cheers from me!!!

And tomorrow, again, come on Tim!!!! Hurrah!!!!

Flying, have done several QHC (in between sets of rowing) and cleaned bathroom, kitchen, tidied bedroom and OH hoovered through. I then mopped kitchen and conservatory floors and he's done DW. So we are tidy enough for now, as I want to do a good hour in each room next week, as we are away the week after. OH popped to shops now for paper and a couple of things I needed.

For the bird lovers, had the adult male wren in the garden this morning, a very rare sight here, he was as big as a sparrow, hobbing and bobbing up and down!

Well, I'm back to it, tennis now! It's hard work at these Olympics!! Good vibes to all those feeling poorly (hope you are soon better Helen Jelly) and warm vibes to all those feeling low. Happy birthday to Squeak and I hope all that hard work paid off, Pigpen, and that you feel better soon, too.

R x

dragonette

Rita Rabbit, I wrote a list of every single step of every single job and told my OH to pick what he would do (when well, and a minimal list for when ill).

While I'm away his mess is his responsibility. At weekend I do kitchen, hall and LR. He does bathroom and gaming room. Both pitch in as needed in bedroom.

He has been informed that I am not his skivy and if that's what he want he can damn well pay me for it. Or get a happuy housework slave cos I will NOT pick up his slack when he can do his share. As he's really quite ill atm, I ask for equal effort. If a task takes him more time and effort atm then I count that as equal.

Would showing him the lists on here help maybr? If he's on 3 days and off 4 it must be long shifts, in that case I would ask for at least things to not be worse on day 1 of his off days, and more on the other days off. If his mother has always run after him than good luck! On my case she would still tidy his bedroom at 25 yearsold!

It should get better, with time and reminders - some genuinly can't see dirt. OTOH, if he's taking the p!ss then call him up on it. I know it sounds cheeky when I'm complaining about my OH, when he's well he does pull his weight pretty fairly.

HTH *hugs*

Mrs_B

Really struggling with all sorts of stuff at the moment - and flying is somewhat spasmodic.

And I may be somewhat keen on the Olympics - thank goodness the rowing has finished though as that was super addictive.

Rita Rabbit, I'm not sure I'm the best at giving advice, as I'm rubbish at putting into practice what I say, but I did once do some training where someone talked about the fact that what "annoys" you, may not even be on the radar for someone else - so just tell them - put up and shut up. It just so happened that there was something happening on the course itself that was bugging me, so I gathered the courage to tell everyone, who just all sat there open mouthed over the petty thing that was irritating me - but they didn't do it again for the rest of the course.

My major effort of putting the washing out this morning, is now in vain, as the rain has come down quicker than I could get it in, so it is now dripping.

I have dug up some potatoes for dinner though - before the rain!

dragonette

Ok, can put this off no longer. Lets see what i can score off so far! Again aiming for Lvls 1 and 2, no point in anything else atm


Monday - Living Room, Hall & Stairs
Level One
Clear the floor or at least a HHC doing this
Level Two
Hoover any of the floor you can see
Dust any fluffy surfaces
Level Three
Clear and wipe the fireplace
Clear and wipe the windowsill or a shelf
Wipe telephones
Extras
HHPaperwork
Empty all bins

Tuesday - Kitchen and Dining Room
Level One
Clear surfaces or spend at least a HHC doing them
Level Two
[STRIKE]Wipe surfaces[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]Declutter floors[/STRIKE]
Level Three
Mop /hoover floors
Clean hob
Extras
[STRIKE]Wipe and water plants[/STRIKE]
Clear a hotspot
HH Me time!

Wednesday - Bathroom
Level One
Deep clean toilets
Level Two
Clean bath, shower, sink, etc
Clear and mop floors
Level Three
Sort out medicine cabinet
Wipe skirting boards
Extras
Pair socks
Catch up on any phone calls


Thursday - Master Bedroom & Landing
Level One
[STRIKE]Strip, wash & replace bedding[/STRIKE]
Level Two
Clear floor
Hoover floor that you can now see
Level Three
Sort out your underwear
Wipe lampshades and bulbs
Dust any dusty bits
Extras
HHPaperwork
Clear a hotspot
Wipe skirting boards

Friday - Kids'/Spare Bedrooms
Level One
Level Two
HHC Floor clearance
Hoover cleared floor
Level Three
Sort out children's clothes - are any too small?
Clean a window or 2
Wipe off any sticky fingermarks
Extras
[STRIKE]Me time[/STRIKE] running to thecity centre for expensive nail care things - to be used after work this week.


Hmmm mostly a weeks worth of dishes and floors. I hate dishes, so OH :rotfl:at least i get them clean! Rain started pelting down mid post so need to find somewhere for that, then the second batch. Got a kitty cudle while typing this (might count as another HH me time:p) And judging by the happier tone, all I need is nice nails to make me happy about cleaning!!

Floors willbe ok once tidy, it s a small flat so 20 mins with a hoover is enough (after 20 mins with brush to get the cat hair and raindeer hide hair - white hair is everywhere! Not so much dustbunnies as mini yetis :eek:)

Spending_Vs_Saving

lindsaygalaxy wrote: »

Monring everyone.

Had a lovely birthday yesterday, but now its back to reality and catch-up time!

Happy Belated Birthday!

mrs-moneypenny wrote: »

havent been on for a week as i really couldnt put into words how i was feeling.

Massive hugs for you and your family

SpiritoftheSouthWest wrote: »

I'm not too sure what to do with the surplus.

Animal shelters are always in need most have donation boxes located in the local supermarkets.

Bossymoo - Massive hugs to you and your little ones
Pippen - Happy belated Birthday wishes for LO

Well i did a bit of washing and dailies during the week but its now time to start it properly ..... who is up for a HHC AKA mad dash starting now!!!