Allow kids to know your adult or financial business .... or not?

Piggles12345

I don't have children so I'm speaking from the child's POV.

When I was young, I wasn't really told of how much my parents had or didn't have. When I was very young I knew we were ridiculously poor because our house was horribly decorated, we had a 3 bar fire that threw out no heat but loads of carbon monoxide, all of the bedrooms were freezing and my mum used to have to bathe her feet in hot water every night in winter because she had massive holes in the soles of her shoes.

My parents never said we were poor but having been to other people's houses, I just knew.

When I was older, my parents did better and we decorated, got central heating, I was supported through university etc but I never really knew how much they had stashed away.

Fast forward to me in my late 20s and my mum happily shares everything with me and expects the same in return! I know exactly how much she earns, how much she's got tucked away, how much she's got in her current account, how much she spends a week on shopping. In return, my mum also knows all of this about me because she just comes out and bloody well asks!! I think she likes to know because I've done well; I've got money saved, I've got a good job etc and I think she likes knowing that I'm happy and secure

I don't really see any of this stuff as being secret or too personal, especially not amongst parents and grown up children.

tiff

My parents never discussed money with us, ever.

My kids are 14 and 12, they know how much we earn as they asked us not long ago. We have struggled since I was made redundant but I'm now working again. They asked us how much we earn, when we told them they thought that was loads of money, so we explained that out of that money we had to pay mortgage, bills, petrol, food and that there isnt loads of money left once all that is paid. They also know we had credit card debt, because since the "credit crunch" they have been discussing certain aspects in school, then come home and want to find out what it means for our family. They know we paid it all back and that we now dont use credit cards and we save for anything we want. They never worry about us not being able to provide for them, things have never been THAT bad, but they do realise that you cant always have what you want.

If I only have £x left till pay day at the end of the week, I'm not afraid to tell them. When they were much younger it was just a case of we cant afford that this week but maybe next week.

We never tell them when DH gets a bonus though!

We havent been on holiday abroad for 4 years, their most favourite holiday was Florida in 2006 and they asked if we could go there again. I said its possible if we dont take a UK holiday this year and we all do what we can to save money. DD11 now has £60 saved since this discussion, by doing jobs, saving loose change, saving anything given to her by grandparents. I felt quite proud that they both want to work together to make that holiday happen.

FBaby

I am a strong believer that parents nowadays are much to incline to protect their children from...well anything... they prime insuring they never get upset and therefore protect them from any information that could harm their confidence/happiness/self-esteem etc... This is all very well when they are children, but I believe it makes them grow into self-centered, confused adults, who struggle to cope with the reality of life and being able to show empathy.

I don't want my children to experience hardship, but at the same time, i want them to build the skills to deal with the inevitable challenge that life will undoubtly show at them, so I do tell them about my life, my feelings, my choices. It's not just about money, but all the challenges I face as an adult. What I make sure is to show them how I deal and cope with them. The other day, I had a job interview and I really wanted the job. I told them about it, and when I didn't get it, I told them that I was upset about it (they are 9 and 12). They already know how much I earn (that discussion prompted explaining why this was personal information that shouldn't be shared), how much the mortgage is, how long it will take to pay it off, why I've made the choice to work full-time, why it is important to save etc... All I want is for them to be prepared when they become adult to avoid as much as possible the shock OP faced when she was thrown into the harsh reality of life!

System

I'm another one who's parents never discussed finances with. Even when my dad was doing my student loan forms he sent me out of the room. To this day i'm still not even sure what his job is or how much he earns. And the same for voting-they refused to tell me who they had voted for as they said its private.

The only thing i was vaguley aware of was how much the food shopping cost..which for 6 of us was quite a lot at the time :eek:

Northern_Princess

Growing up we were never party to knowing what money came in or went out of the household. We were aware roughly of what the livestock sold for but only because we went to the market with dad. I can never remember thinking oh dad made x today at the market though. We also had drummed into us that money was made in summer and little in winter but actual amounts were never discussed. It wasn't until dad's death we found out his income and expenditure.

Our DD has been brought up knowing she is fortunate but we never discuss what income we have with her. She often tells us what her friends parents earn and this shocked me that kids knew what their parents earned :eek: I wouldn't like to think our income is being discussed with school friends so she will not know for the foreseeable future either.

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

I don't want my children to experience hardship, but at the same time, i want them to build the skills to deal with the inevitable challenge that life will undoubtly show at them, so I do tell them about my life, my feelings, my choices. It's not just about money, but all the challenges I face as an adult. What I make sure is to show them how I deal and cope with them.

We do this too. If children just know that A happened and you dealt with it by doing B, it doesn't give them the skills they need to handle events in their own life.

Keeping things age appropriate, we have discussed things with our children, talked about problems (financial or otherwise) and how we felt about them and discussed how to come up with a solution. Showing children how different options can be considered and why one might be dismissed and another put into action is important for them.

Showing them that we might chose one option and other people would prefer to do something different also lets them develop their own skills in coping with stuff that arises in their lives.

Jinx

Agree with children knowing about finances in an age appropriate way... As my daughter got older we discussed all things money related, she knew as she got older I was paying debts though not the details. Following this she budgeted her pocket money and we discussed funding of her uni years, driving lessons etc. Shes now a dedicated MSE'r and totallly understands the value of money, what APR is and costs of overdraft, insurance etc as well as the dangers of credit cards!

bossymoo

My two are very small, but just yesterday DS said "I don't want you to go to work any more mummy". I explained to him about bills, for cars, homes, holidays, how they all need lots of pennies. And mummy gets given pennies for doing a good job. He said "no mum, pounds and pounds" :-)

I'm actually a widow, and when they are a fair bit older, I will explain to them that there is some money for their future. It will be for college fees, or whatever. But before they learn about that, they will learn that we save for things. We have our holiday tin, where we put spare coins to go towards spending money (no it won't pay for a hol, but we are just sowing the seeds here).

But I don't think I'd tell them how much I earn.

coolcait

Just a quick reply, for now anyway.

I think that the personality of the child also has an impact.

My kids don't know the ins and outs of our financial circumstances, but they are aware that we need to be careful what we spend, and they have seen how we budget.

My DD has a sensible approach to money, and is good at budgeting. She has fully taken on board the message that 'money doesn't grow on trees'.

Her younger brother, on the other hand, seems to think we're practising some kind of reverse psychology on him, to keep him away from the money tree!! :rotfl:

GobbledyGook

I knew exactly how much my grandparents struggled. As a younger child when my brother and I wanted to go to the zoo my Grandad explained it in 10 pounds (as in he got £10, the mortgage, electric etc was £7, the food was £1 etc) and made us think of how the zoo cost £2 which was more than our food. As we got older we knew in more accurate amount detail.

I think it stood me in fantastic stead. When I went to uni I had a realistic budget for utilities and food. I also knew how to budget my money and was one of the few who didn't blow all my money in the first few weeks. When I left I had to pay back a % of my money and the staff who dealt with it were gobsmacked that I still had money halfway through a term.

It's something that frightens me with my children. I knew the value of money because I knew what it was like to have nothing and I knew what it was like when something being on offer meant we could afford a treat (like the heater on ALL evening!) whereas financially we're good so mine will never experience any of that. I don't want them to suffer anything obviously, but I worry coming from a well off house could mean they don't have a true sense of money. I think that's why I'm such a strict meanie about pocket money and treats. I'm trying to teach them that you only have so much (be it money, sweets etc) and once it's gone it's gone and you can't just "go to the money machine, Mummy" (my younger daughter couldn't understand why not having my purse/card meant we couldn't just go to the money machine) :rotfl: