Allow kids to know your adult or financial business .... or not?

poet123

gingin wrote: »

We are lucky in that financially we are steady. I am more inclined to err on the negative side, or rather down play what we have with my children, because realistically I don't think their generation are going to have it as easy as us, or my parents ( baby boomers) and to instill a false sense of security in them, that everything will always be fine, is wrong.

I don't discuss personal finances with them, they have no idea what assets we have but they do understand that we have a mortgage and what that means and that we only buy what we can afford. We are also strict with their pocket money, in that when it's gone it's gone and no extras.

This is how we have always done it too, because we have been fortunate that we have never really struggled financially. The kids were not over indulged because of it though, only yesterday at the table the eldest two were bemoaning that when they were younger they shared a game for their birthdays (they are two days apart) and yet the youngest got a netbook! The usual sibling "he has it better than we did routine;)"

It seems to have had a varying degree of success, one is still a spendthrift, two are savers and one is a miser, that said, they all have reasonable/ to excellent savings accumulated (guess who has the most ?) So, I am not sure whether how you do it really matters as they all seem to turn out differently anyway.

aliasojo

mrcow wrote: »

I wouldn't say to them "We only have £20 to live on".

My feeling is that at 12 (very nearly 13), my daughter is old enough to be party to some of the decision making process simply to help her understand better.

I grew up with no real clue about anything, it was always just because 'Mum says'.

I wanted my kids to have a level of understanding so if I said to them I have x amount left (to be fair though, it's always a reasonable amount that wouldn't make them worry we couldn't eat iyswim, like maybe £80 - £100 as an example), then daughter actually now enjoys helping list a supermarket shop that will fall under that amount. Much like they did in the BB House with the blackboard and everyone chipped in to buy for all within the budget given.

As said earlier though, I feel supremely confident that for my girl this is the right way to be with her. Perhaps for another child this would not be right at all.

Errata

Ah, I hadn't thought about such things as salary when writing the OP but I wouldn't discuss that as that type of thing falls under the 'in depth' umbrella I think and I think they don't need to know stuff like that.

Many children don't know what their parents earn, and some of them are seriously cheesed off as adults when they discover their parents earned a good wage but were natural scrooges and made them go without a great many things unecessarily.

Saturnalia

I remember at about 14, for one school project we were doing we had to ask our parents how much the utilities cost. (It might have been for science & something energy-saving-related, I forget now.) My parents discussed it all with me and were appalled the next week when I said that half the class' parents had told them it wasn't for them to know.

My parents' argument was that it wouldn't be all that many years before I was taking care of my own budget so it was about time I did know what necessities cost.

CKhalvashi

I'll take my kids round Tesco's on Saturday morning (I do the main shop on a Weds), and it's a case of 'we have £75 to spend, and can't go over it', whilst if there's something left, my girls get to keep it (up to a reasonable amount), to spend as they wish. Saturday shopping bill is down to about £40 now, plus lunch in the Portuguese cafe and occasionally dinner in a Chinese restaurant (in lieu of the cafe, though).

I'd never discuss what I earn with them, though, and certainly wouldn't discuss credit card bills, although mine are well known for saying across the playground when 'mummy or daddy have a new car!!!!!!!' (which is a company car, of course!)

I use their bank statements (I put £x in for doing x job around the house/office/car, up to £100/week, £80 of which goes in their Junior ISA's), and have lovingly asked HSBC to give them cash cards to use. It works well!

I feel that showing them that they have to work for their money is more important than giving it to them, and they know that they have to have £80 in each week to cover bills going out, which if they want to take over my company, they're going to need to learn to live on a variable income.

CK

balletshoes

Desperado99 wrote: »

Although I had a fantastic/stable childhood I was aware of the fact that we didn't have as much money as other people. But that came from observation rather than my parents out and out telling us.

Oh, and I certainly knew who my parents voted for.........

this was my home situation too. During my childhood one parent or other would generally have 2 jobs while the other had one, our cars were always bangers which my Dad would be tinkering with each weekend to keep it running during the week etc.

We got what we needed, and I couldn't fathom at all how my parents managed to buy us all our Christmas presents when I was younger, it just seemed like such a lot of money to find to pay for everything (I know now that my Mum put money away every week into Christmas clubs, or paid our new bikes up at the cycle shop etc).

My daughter is 11, and she knows roughly how much I earn, roughly how much her Dad earns, she is also aware that you have to work to get money to pay your bills and then have spending money to treat yourself.

I haven't discussed politics with her, but we certainly have around her (its not a subject I have strong views on), but things like religion, culture, morality etc, we do discuss with her as situations arise.

Mojisola

It's got to depend on their ages. Little ones don't need to know details but it's part of a child's education to learn about money - how hard it is to earn it and how to spend it wisely - so, as ours got older, the information about finances grew more precise.

Little ones shouldn't be given anxieties about money but they need to know from a young age that everything costs and that different people have different amounts of money to spend so they won't always get what some friends get and may get more than others.

xxlouisexx56

I was made redundant just before Christmas and we told my 6 year old dd and explained the practicalities of what it meant for us as a family.

raven83

My parents were the older generation and very rarely discussed anything financial let alone private. I remember I used to probe my mum for information on certain subjects and would get told that it wasn't appropriate to asked them sort of questions. It was only as I got into my teens that my mum started opening up a bit but my dad was still quite old school. When I had my kids I decided I was going to be open with them, so yes I am open with my children about all sorts, my parents tried to get my to believe that babies were bought to you on a stork (it didn't wash with me though!) If they ask me a question I will do my best to answer it, without being too candid given as they are children but without sugarcoating it too much. I rebelled a lot as a child/teen and I think that some of that was down to being bought up the way I was.

aliasojo

raven83 wrote: »

I rebelled a lot as a child/teen and I think that some of that was down to being bought up the way I was.

It's interesting you should say that, I was terribly rebellious as a teenager.

I've always thought my rebellious side was directly attributable to my upbringing - I don't think it was with regards to money and not knowing about adult stuff though but more to do with my Father's ideas of parenting generally. That's a whole different thread though.