It's over. Betrayed, heartbroken, jobless, homeless. (long, sorry, venting)

Boots888

Wow!! Blimey O'Reilly!

OP you sound like a great lady and certainly no doormat.

I too, would like you to have been in my life, you're assertive, educated, funny and your honesty in opening up on here makes you human which I really admire.

I'll not slag off your man as I think only you have the right to call him all the names under the sun and you might find other comments about him hurtful.

But Boy, what a shock you must have had. You certainly aren't stupid, being betrayed by the closest person in your life is proper heartbreaking - especially having had such a long history together and thinking you know that person inside out. (right now I'd say you probably know him more than he knows himself)

I agree with a previous poster, you might get other "light Bulb" moments in the days and weeks ahead - ie where the writing is on the wall, BIG BOLD RED and UNDERLINED where you'll reflect on recent behaviour or things said that you feel you should have picked up on, thats natural (being the recipient of deceitful behaviour) I've been there, different circumstances, but nevertheless woken at 2am thinking "ahhhhh! ting ting!!! that makes sense!!

I want to wish you luck and hope you'll let us know how you get on ahead.

Also ignore the hurtful posts on the benefits board, some do it all the time.

Also, don't rule out confiding in your parents, Mum is still a woman and Dad is still a Man, so they may be more understanding than you think and would want to help - only you'll know that.

& btw, I'm of Irish descent. Mammy always used to tell me how we derived from the King of Ireland!!!

Looked it up and it's true, all us Irish descend from royalty but fact is
1. Brian Boru was one of 6 kings
2. Dates back to 14th century
3. 6 kings each with 4 wives and about 100 concubines

If that's not polygamy I don't know what is, but basically I was probably born out of an illigitimate relations, so blood not so blue, if you get my drift.

Finally, I have 3 cats and we are all very, very happy !!!

Padstow

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Who the hell suggested she was a doormat I was dead impressed with your response Ostrich!

I definitely don't think Ostrich is a doormat, so not me.
Ostrich is like lots of us in that she'd never be so devious, so couldn't see it coming when someone else was.

Pollycat

ostrichnomore wrote: »

Dear God, I've just been attacked by a lynch mob on the benefits board as I told them I currently earn £10,400 for full time work, so a low salary, and they went mental. What a horrible bunch. They are all saying that despite the circumstances I'm lucky and should stay living here and stay working with him.

Unfortunately, on the Benefit board there are some nasty people who just pop up to have a go at posters.
I can usually guess who will have something nasty to say.

Ignore them.

You did get some some support and some pretty good information, especially in post #7 from kingfisherblue.

If you haven't been back to your thread since, I'd suggest you do so.
You don't have to reply on there.

ostrichnomore_2

Hi

I will go and have another look then, thanks.

Everytime I read one of the nice things someone has said about me on this thread it makes me cry. I hope I am all those things. It's a shame it's not appreciated in real life.

Still not good, had rather a Jeremy Kyle style night last night, half the time I was like Jeremy and showing up what rubbish he was talking, half the time I was going loony like one of the guests, which I am ashamed of, but there you go. There's bound to be a bit of a reaction.

*sigh* he seems to have finally accepted that I'm not going to agree to this and we did have quite a session on whether what he was asking was ok or not. I think some of my points hit home to some extent, not that it makes any real difference, but it's just adding to my anger that he is refusing to accept responsibility for ending this.

He's still trying hard to persuade me to stay in the business. I'm going to think about that for a bit, not rush in or out of anything, as I have to do what's best for me long-term. No point adding to the damage done to me by acting rashly. I still don't see how I can go into the office and act normal every day though. We'll see. I suppose I have to take that as a compliment of sorts - hell hath no fury and all that, if I'd stuffed someone over I'd be removing all their access to the business immediately just in case. But he knows he can trust me. I have no interest in damaging the business even though I could pretty much destroy it in a few hours if I wanted without even leaving home. For one thing, I'd be stuffing over my employees and they don't deserve to be harmed by all this.

So, still desperately hurt, still very confused, but calming down a bit. I want to speak to 'her' and I tried phoning a few times yesterday but no answer. so I've told him to tell her to pick up the phone to me later as I think I deserve a few explanations from her side as well. And I'd much rather do that on the phone than be forced to go and do it face to face. And seeing as the only place I know I'll find her is at the church, I'm sure she'd much rather do it on the phone as well. I just want a few answers, and yes, the opportunity to say a few things to her as well. Maybe I'll chuck some of those bible quotes from earlier at her. I'll try and keep it dignified.
I haven't told anyone in real life yet, I was in such disbelief I think, I woke up this morning wondering why I was in the spare room and it took me a few seconds to hit me. I still can't believe it. It's all so bizarre!

According to him last night you can't trust any man. You are all at it, at least he's being open and not doing it behind my back. With lots of examples and anecdotes about men we know who are cheating. apparently one of our neighbours has an 'arrangement' as well. Good grief. Who cares what anyone else does? I talked to him about why is he aspiring to that level instead of aspiring to do what he knows is right, and he did look for the first time a bit ashamed. I also then said I hope he's advising his daughters and sisters and little grand-daughter that they should be ok if a man wanted to do this to them, all reasonable women say yes, and would it have been ok if a man did this to his mum? He got a bit angry at this but it obviously struck a chord. He couldn't answer why I deserved less respect than his sisters, mum, daughters, granddaughter.

It probably seems silly that I'm even bothering. Its not going to change anything. But I want him to acknowledge my point of view and accept he is doing something wrong, not normal, not acceptable.

j.e.j.

Pollycat wrote: »

Unfortunately, on the Benefit board there are some nasty people who just pop up to have a go at posters.
I can usually guess who will have something nasty to say.

Ignore them.

You did get some some support and some pretty good information, especially in post #7 from kingfisherblue.

Agree with this 100%.

That particular board does seem to play host to a group of nasty little keyboard warriors, who knows why.. maybe they just see it as an opportunity to vent and air their daily-mail style views safe behind the anonymity of their computer screens.

kingfisherblue's post has some good advice. A lot will depend on where you stand legally with regard to the business arrangements, ie are you an employee, is it half yours, etc.

good luck with it all.

choccybuttons

Hi

Have you thought of asking his pastor for marriage counseling? Just might get everything out in the open. I would go to his pastor and explain the situation - tell him you would like his help to see if there is a marriage to save etc (even if there's not). You might see some swift backpedaling.

thehappybutterfly

And his comments that all men are at it are, frankly, insulting and a load of !!!!!!!!. I know plenty of men who are utterly faithful to their wives/partners, including mine! So please don't let your EX-husband put you off men for life.

DitaVonTee

ostrichnomore wrote: »

Oh and to add to the fun the woman is a business contact of our that we deal with regularly. I'm supposed to deal with her at work and then let him trot off to her dinner and her bed every other week. That's his plan. alternating weeks with me and her.

If I were in your situation, I'd stop doing business with her. It really would be that simple for me.

ostrichnomore wrote: »

Despite all this, I don't think he is a bad person or a git. I've been cheated on twice before and they were gits. This is a decent man. A kind hard-wroking pillar of the community type man.

He may not be a bad person but he is FAR from a decent man. No decent man would put you through this and no decent man would expect you to ''share'' him.

I really hope you find all the strength you can to walk away from someone who can inflict this kind of emotional abuse on you. You deserve so much better.

Suspiria

choccybuttons wrote: »

Hi

Have you thought of asking his pastor for marriage counseling? Just might get everything out in the open. I would go to his pastor and explain the situation - tell him you would like his help to see if there is a marriage to save etc (even if there's not). You might see some swift backpedaling.

Hi op..i would try the above ^^^ If your partner is a Christian then he should believe in being monogamous and truthful with you.
Also please go to womens aid. As i have said previously in my posts,i dont know where i would be without them.
*Hugs*

Padstow

I just read the benefits board and apart from a couple of chippy posts, they were well meaning.

What concerns me most is that she appears to be receiving a set figure PW when it should be a split according to her % of the partnership.

This is no criticsm, as I accepted exactly the same. Doing myself out of thousands each year. We tend to accept less I think, in a relationship. Pull as a family /couple and all that.
It's only when the relationship breaks down that we realise we were fools to have given too much.

If you wish to read the Partnership Act 1890 Oz, I will provide the link. It hasn't changed since then.

http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/manuals/bimmanual/bim72505.htm