It's over. Betrayed, heartbroken, jobless, homeless. (long, sorry, venting)

Padstow

Sorry to read of your total upheaval.
If the business is worth anything to you, see a solicitor for a free first appointment. He may have to pay you your share.

Download the council housing application from your local authority and send it in.

zaksmum

Stupid man. I know it's no consolation but you really ARE better off without him.

duchy

I think some men have a knack of convincing themselves their behaviour is reasonable -especially if they are usually "good guys" . My ex did this made every excuse under the sun for his awful behaviour (he was deluded -he had wanted a family but then realized he was working with a load of singletons and thought he was missing out) . It took three years for him to realize what an ar%e he had been and he did apologize. Too little way too late I left him as soon as it all came out and it was clear he wasn't going to stop. He's still not happy with his life -he has the most appalling girlfiend who has made a huge rift between him and his son with her jealousy (and her desire for a British passport-kind of ironic as his Mum did the same thing). Part of me feels sorry for him but I can't help him (and I'm not sure I'd even want to if I could if I'm honest). He's now terrified of been alone. Frankly she'll leave him as soon as a better prospect comes along so he's probably right to be.

I don't think you can do anything when they are in that "zone" except protect yourself and leave. If the business is a legal partnership then you need decent legal advice to ensure you get anything you are entitled to from the business (You may find he has a change of mind when he discovers what this is going to cost him).

I would talk to Women's Aid for general housing advice -expecting you to "share" is definitely a form of mental abuse and they can probably advise you the best way to approach finding alternative accommodation.

I think I'd be approaching his pastor too-and asking him to talk to you as a couple but probably for the wrong reasons eg to embarass him .

Good luck !!

FBaby

Ostrichnomore you sound like a fantastic person one I would love as a friend loving and caring, funny, realistic and with plenty of backbone. My view of the situation is that your OH had issues with the relationship. Instead of sorting them out by communicating he sought retreat elsewhere. He clearly likes to live with you maybe because you look after him fantastically with much love so he doesn't want to give this up. Like many spoilt people he wants his cake and eat it. However because he had some morals -that's the bit you say he isn't a bad man-he needs to convince himself what he is doing isn't so bad so uses his religion and flex it to suit him so that he can rid or at least lessen the guilt.

My gut feeling it's that it has been going on for a long time he reached the stage of accepting that he would probably loose you in the end but is giving it a try in case by some miracle his dream of his perfect double life came true.

You are not stupid at all and certainly not weak. The only mistake you've probably made it's treating your partners too well spoiling them so that in the end they just wanted more. Good luck ask I can wish you is that he realises one day all what he's lost by pushing his luck.

globetraveller

First of all- he is a git. Just because he is OUTWARDLY a pillar of a community doesn't mean he can't be a git.
He is very clever though. He has put you in a situation in which he knows you can't tolerate. You walk out on him and he is the poor husband as far as the community is concerned. He then miracously finds love once you are gone- as far as the community is concerned. His standing in the community is probably important to him.
He knows you are going to walk out- don't! Ask him how the community would feel if they what he had just told you. Go in to your work. Confront the woman infront of the others. Just don't make it easy for him to be the poor, brokenhearted man whose wife has deserted him, who turns to another pillar of the community(ie git) for comfort.

globetraveller

And just to add- love the username. Time to be a bird of prey now though:)

n_buchan

Good for you. Just keep strong and positive, and you will come out of it for the better.

Take care.

ostrichnomore_2

"He has put you in a situation in which he knows you can't tolerate. You walk out on him and he is the poor husband as far as the community is concerned. He then miracously finds love once you are gone- as far as the community is concerned. His standing in the community is probably important to him. "
oh yeah. Totally see that. Although if he isn't doing anything wrong...he shouldn't mind if people know what he is proposing, should he. I'm not out to cause him big trouble or wreck the business (which I could with this, but hey, one of us has to be a decent person), but I'm going to make sure certain people are aware so he can't twist it round to blame me.

ostrichnomore_2

Gosh now I see why he was so keen to recruit someone urgently recently to take over most of my work responsibilities and free me up for other 'more important' things. She started last week and he's been pushing me to get her trained up in all the essential bits ASAP. Wow. It's all falling into place.

Anyway going to try and get some sleep as I've been up pretty much all night crying my eyes out.

thanks everyone. It's really helped.

margaretclare

So sorry, and deepest sympathy from me. The previous posters have said it all. I can't say anything to express better how I feel about this.

I've been called a racist before now, but I must say it again: I am not a fan of this 'multicultural' thing. If people want to come here and live, it's a small country and we all have to get along with each other. There aren't huge empty spaces where different 'cultures' can set up house. DH's grandparents were immigrants yet DH is indistinguishable from any other Englishman. They did their best to fit in.

We're church-attending Christians, Methodists in fact, not 'evangelical'. My only comment on reading that your OH thinks polygamy is OK in Christianity is that he must have been going back to the Old Testament, Abraham and his descendants. Jacob, for instance, had 2 wives and 2 concubines, that was how the Israelites managed to become 12 tribes. My point is: except for the Mormons and minority sects like that, polygamy has AFAIK never been the norm to be accepted in Christianity. As Jesus put it 'A man shall leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they shall be one flesh'. One, not two, or three, or more, as your so-called 'culture' dictates!

I agree with the others who said this is a load of BS. Stay strong. Be true to yourself, to your own beliefs.