Mum at school giving evil looks to my child

londonsurrey

I think the other mother is immature and a bit of a coward. Granted, she may well believe that the OP's daughter is undesirable company.

If that is the case, one option a mature mother may choose is to instruct her child to stay away from the other child, give her mechanisms to cut short any conversations, and aid her with little things like calling her child over when talking to said undesirable.

What an immature mother does is none of the above, but instead engages in unproductive attention drawing attempts like eye rolling and tutting.

thatgirlsam

Agree with londonsurrey

It really doesn't/shouldn't matter wether the other Mum likes your child or not. Her behaviour is disgraceful, and I bet the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree

As for the comment your dd made OP, it probably wasn't the smartest but I'll bet she got fed up with having her face rubbed in it. You can't lay down forever and let people wipe their feet all over you, good for her. What she said wasn't even that bad imo - and if she was jealous... yeh, she's 9, that's a fairly normal reaction.

jellyhead

When is your daughter's birthday? Could she have a party where the mums all stay and chat? You could get to know some of the other mums that way, or perhaps if you have a day off work you could stop and natter with the stay at home mums on the corner (I'm one of those and we are very friendly towards newcomers).

Doesn't Chloe go to this after school club? What about the school holidays, is she going there while you work?

Who picks your daughter up? Could you pick her up one day and witness how Amy's mum behaves?

I think Amy and Chloe's mums being best friends probably means that they will want their daughters to always be best friends, and your daughter is going to find it difficult to be friends with Amy if that's the case.

It sounds as if your daughter doesn't have much in common with those girls anyway, so the best solution would be to cultivate a friendship with another girl in the class.

milliebear00001

suki1001 wrote: »

I'm playing devil's advocate here, but I have a very good friend who has a very sweet DD. Your DD is in a very similar situation to my friends DD. The thing is, she is a very sweet girl and I do think some of the situation is the truth. Her mother believes exactly the same as you and the other parents have acted in a similar way about their little darlings. It's an area with a lot of money and some very spoilt children and parents who can be very rude.

The problem is this dd of my friends can actually say very hurtful things to my children, although I've never said anything to the friend. My friend would never think that her daughter would do it and it's purely because she would feel left out that she'd be mean, but I don't think you can be 100% certain that your dd isn't saying things. I understand children can be very prescious, especially the one's who are like your dd's "friends", but comments like "It's a bit pointless" when people have put an awful lot of effort in to work hard (even if they are princessy) are not going to be seen in a good light.

I must admit I was very surprised about this girl who is my friend's daughter myself, but I guess she was just frustrated.

I'm not sticking up for these other girls in any way, but to have a parent who is so upset even if she is behaving in a very outrageous and childish way, is it possible there's no smoke without fire? I don't mean that your dd is to blame at all, but that it's not always black and white.

I can't believe it took this many posts until somebody made this suggestion.

9 year old girls (and consequently their parents) often have VERY different interpretations of the same scenarios and events. The retelling is very interesting and I would be interested to see the other side of this story. Without it, none of us can really know what (if anything) is actually in this woman's mind.

I am not saying this is the case with the OP, as I don't know the full ins and outs (as she doesn't) but I do know I see many, many parents who have no concept of how their child is capable of behaving when out from under their eye, or how their child is truly perceived by other children and adults, or of the extremely complex pecking order that can exist within groups of nine year old girls.

Spendless

maggirl wrote: »

But now my DD has been saying that Amy's mum has been giving her really dirty looks, rolling her eyes and tutting whenever she is near my DD, turning her back on her, and deliberately moving her chair away if my DD has to sit next to her, or calling over another child to sit in between them, presumably because she can't even "bear" to sit next to my DD...she does this eye rolling and tutting even if she just overhears my DD talking to another child (not even her own daughter) The description of what she does is so accurate that Im positive that what my DD is saying is true.

She comes into contact with my DD when she picks Amy up from afterschool club and inevitably Amy and my DD do play together sometimes and my DD says whenever Amy's mum sees them together she grabs Amy and gives my DD awful "looks"

Can you explain further what you mean? Why is Amy's mum sat on a chair when picking her daughter up from asc? I walk in, sign my daughter out and tell her to put her coat on. If you mean when she is playing at Amy's house, can you limit the visits or ask Amy to play at yours.

jellyhead wrote: »

It sounds as if your daughter doesn't have much in common with those girls anyway, so the best solution would be to cultivate a friendship with another girl in the class.

Having posted a saga of my own on here re 3 x 9 year old girls including my dd, I'm inclined to agree. Encourage other friendships

Sambucus_Nigra

milliebear00001 wrote: »

The retelling is very interesting and I would be interested to see the other side of this story. Without it, none of us can really know what (if anything) is actually in this woman's mind.

Well, the problem is that we can't get the other side so [as is usual on forums] we can only go by what the OP has said.

If you can't respond without knowing the other story, then what is the point of your post? Are you expecting the OP to be omnipresent?

milliebear00001

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Well, the problem is that we can't get the other side so [as is usual on forums] we can only go by what the OP has said.

If you can't respond without knowing the other story, then what is the point of your post? Are you expecting the OP to be omnipresent?

My point, which I'd have thought is fairly obvious, is that nobody, including the OP, is wise to take their own child's version of events as the only version. Nor are people replying on the basis of the one side of a story given here, wise to accept that version of events as the whole story. Unfortunately, many of the replies here seem to be doing just that, which I think may be unhelpful to the OP.

Sambucus_Nigra

milliebear00001 wrote: »

My point, which I'd have thought is fairly obvious, is that nobody, including the OP, is wise to take their own child's version of events as the only version. Nor are people replying on the basis of the one side of a story given here, wise to accept that version of events as the whole story. Unfortunately, many of the replies here seem to be doing just that, which I think may be unhelpful to the OP.

But she has quite clearly thought of that, and has witnessed it towards herself from the mother. It was quite clear she had gone through what her DD had said and thought about it and how the things she had said were things she herself had seen - she just hadn't seen it towards her DD. Hence asking the afterschool club to keep an eye out next term.

If kids can't go to their mums when they are having problems, especially with an adult - then what is your solution?

CruisingSaver

To be honest it all sounds like typical 9 year old girl behaviour. When my DD was in primary school all of the girls were constantly falling out with each other and there were endless tales of 'being mean'.

However, when you scratched the surface there really wasn't very much to be getting upset about and the falling out was over as quickly as it began!

In DD's class this went on until Y6 and then they all started to get on much better with each other (apart from one girl but that's a whole different thread!). In fact most of them are still in touch even though they're not all at the same secondary school.

As for the Mum's behaviour, well on the face of it it does appear to be childish, but that's her problem not yours. I know it's hard to fit in with the other Mums when you change school, we changed schools when DD was in Y1, so I've been there and got that t-shirt but it does happen if you make the effort.

CS x

milliebear00001

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

But she has quite clearly thought of that, and has witnessed it towards herself from the mother. It was quite clear she had gone through what her DD had said and thought about it and how the things she had said were things she herself had seen - she just hadn't seen it towards her DD. Hence asking the afterschool club to keep an eye out next term.

If kids can't go to their mums when they are having problems, especially with an adult - then what is your solution?

It isn't a question of children going their mums with a problem. It's a question of mums being adult enough to recognise that different people often have different versions of the same circumstances and events - and that this is even more so with children.

If I really felt the woman had a problem with me, then I would ask her if I'd upset her. If I didn't care what she thought of me, I'd probably ignore it.

If my DD came home telling me another adult was rolling their eyes and sighing and didn't like them, I'd be watching and waiting for evidence of this (which probably wouldn't take long) before asking for a quick private word and asking if my DD had done something to upset her daughter.

What I wouldn't do, would be to assume that my version of events (and even less so my nine year old's) was the only version. I certainly wouldn't be dismissing the idea that my DD could have done something to upset the other child (and therefore her mother).