Mum at school giving evil looks to my child

maggirl

no, at another (Seconday) school I dont know which one exactly, because, unlike most of the nosey cliquey mums at DDs school I dont grill people on their job or what sort of house they live in/what their husband does for a living......

Sorry, yes I am starting to get a bit of a chip on my shoulder about this!! My DD is such a sweet thing, wouldnt hurt a fly, and I know all mums would say this but she is genuinely a really caring (if shy) little girl it makes me so mad that she is getting all this grief when she has had to put up with so much, including changing schools 3 times already in her little life, and these complacent numpties who ahve all been cliquey since reception class can't even be btohered accepting her.

Another Chloe incident: My DD is a bit of a tom-boy and isnt interested in being in school performances etc. Chloe and Amy are, and were constantly practising their lines and songs in the playground, and showing off and being precocious at every opportunity. My DD said to another child "its all a bit pointless really", (her opinion of the production!) Chloe didnt actually hear my DD say this, but another child went and told her, Chloe then burst out crying for 10 minutes, got a teacher involved who told off DD quite harshly, then said "there there, Chloe I'm sure you are really popular" Chloe then turned around and smirked at my DD while every other girl in the class ran round fussing over her and said "are you Ok Chloe, dont worry you are brilliant in the performance"

My DD tok her telling off on the chin but both her Dad and I agree that its not wrong with having a different opinion to someone. Thats life. My DD should be allowed to think that the school production was a bit rubbish, she didnt say it directly to their faces, just quietly to one of her other friends!!! Grrrrrrr

I'm sure by the time it got back to Chloes mum (and subsequently Amys mum) it had been twisted out of proportion and became a story about how my DD stood up and told Chloe to her face that she was "pointless" or her role was "pointless" and she got tons of sympathy and tut tutting about my DD.

kiss_me_now9

maggirl wrote: »

no, at another (Seconday) school I dont know which one exactly, because, unlike most of the nosey cliquey mums at DDs school I dont grill people on their job or what sort of house they live in/what their husband does for a living......

Sorry, yes I am starting to get a bit of a chip on my shoulder about this!! My DD is such a sweet thing, wouldnt hurt a fly, and I know all mums would say this but she is genuinely a really caring (if shy) little girl it makes me so mad that she is getting all this grief when she has had to put up with so much, including changing schools 3 times already in her little life, and these complacent numpties who ahve all been cliquey since reception class can't even be btohered accepting her.

Another Chloe incident: My DD is a bit of a tom-boy and isnt interested in being in school performances etc. Chloe and Amy are, and were constantly practising their lines and songs in the playground, and showing off and being precocious at every opportunity. My DD said to another child "its all a bit pointless really", (her opinion of the production!) Chloe didnt actually hear my DD say this, but another child went and told her, Chloe then burst out crying for 10 minutes, got a teacher involved who told off DD quite harshly, then said "there there, Chloe I'm sure you are really popular" Chloe then turned around and smirked at my DD while every other girl in the class ran round fussing over her and said "are you Ok Chloe, dont worry you are brilliant in the performance"

My DD tok her telling off on the chin but both her Dad and I agree that its not wrong with having a different opinion to someone. Thats life. My DD should be allowed to think that the school production was a bit rubbish, she didnt say it directly to their faces, just quietly to one of her other friends!!! Grrrrrrr

I'm sure by the time it got back to Chloes mum (and subsequently Amys mum) it had been twisted out of proportion and became a story about how my DD stood up and told Chloe to her face that she was "pointless" or her role was "pointless" and she got tons of sympathy and tut tutting about my DD.

Sorry, I don't normally reply to these threads as I have no sense with children whatsoever but that bit struck a chord with me. I've had all manner of trouble this year at uni as I disagreed with the head of my dance club about how well we were doing and have now been pretty much kicked off the club for having a different opinion to the queen bee. It happens everywhere even when people are supposed to be acting as adults...

Hope you get it sorted soon x

Sambucus_Nigra

maggirl wrote: »

no, at another (Seconday) school I dont know which one exactly, because, unlike most of the nosey cliquey mums at DDs school I dont grill people on their job or what sort of house they live in/what their husband does for a living......

Sorry, yes I am starting to get a bit of a chip on my shoulder about this!! .

You are - I only asked a question!

I asked because obviously if she was then you could make a complaint - but you will need to find out if only to make sure your DD doesn't go to that one in a few years time.

I would go as suggested and ask the after school club to keep an eye out - perhaps if you have a meeting first thing next term and tell them what happened then they will be fully clued up to deal with it.

Either that or I'd tell the mother that if she doesn't start behaving like an adult you will make an official complaint to the school she does work for, as her behaviour is hardly encompassing the 'Every Child Matters' agenda and she is bringing her school into disrepute. Her call, and I'll be keeping an eye out next term.

And teach your daughter about 'the game' and how people play it. As she's obviously too sweet for her own good.

zaxdog

TBH Chloe and Amy sound like little bullies in the making, if not there already. I'd go with the OP who said to tell your DD to ignore both Mums and daughters. I would though also have a quiet word with the school/after school club although they are probably already aware of the pair of twisted little madam's behaviour.

I am sure your DD will soon make good friend with nice children and start to enjoy school/after shool club again.

That said I am afraid if I witnessed such "looks" and whatnot I would be inclined to give a murderous stare of my own to the mother. OH gives me credit for "pant wettingly scary" glares :rotfl:

londonsurrey

I do share your daughter's opinion about it all being a bit pointless, and do find this type of character facile and a tad wearing, and it was not a painless way to learn, but she can use that as an opportunity to learn how to express her opinion in a socially acceptable way that doesn't leave her open to a repetition of that incident, e.g. "They seem happy doing that, but it's not really my cup of tea".

Taadaa

Does Amy's mum work at the school in question then? It seems from the scenarios you have described that she has contact with your daughter during the day. If that is the case, I would be inclined to mention it in a professional capacity. It really does depend on how upset your daughter is becoming, and whether you think it will escalate. Whilst it is okay for you to tell your daughter to just ignore it, at the same time, if it gets worse she may not feel able to tell you about it for fear it will be dismissed.

It's really not on that your daughter was told off for having a different opinion, but it seems that in this instance, she was told off because what she said upset Chloe, or at least the spiteful little minx led the teacher to believe that.

thatgirlsam

You're probably not going to be able to change this woman's behaviour, and tbh might just give her more fuel for her fire. She sounds like a complete idiot.

If it were me I would have a talk with my dd and say that grown ups can behave in a stupid way sometimes, and really they probably don't have happy lives, and we should feel sorry for them.

Then I would try and encourage a friendship with another child, hopefully one that also goes to ASC. Invite them round during the holidays.

And I would either completely blank the woman or be as nice as pie in the hope it makes her look pathetic. She will move onto someone else soon, they always do. And when she does make sure you tell whoever it is that it was your turn previously.

maggirl

sorry Sambucus, I wasn't having a dig at you when I said I didnt know what school she worked at, its just that I'm quite shy myself and other than small talk I would be a bit wary of delving into someones details, I hate it when someone does it to me, I find I get nervous, start babbling and tell people my life story!

I don't think I'm going to win this battle, the other parents are well entrenched in the school activities, one is part of the PTA, the other one is very friendly with the head and deputy and always gets invited to any "parent and teacher" events.....parent and teacher football matches etc .....like I said very cliquey.

I think I will forget the idea of the cinema invitation, it was a bit stupid.

Thanks to everyone for confirming that Im not the only one that thinks this is odd behaviour for a grown up.

thatgirlsam

maggirl wrote: »

sorry Sambucus, I wasn't having a dig at you when I said I didnt know what school she worked at, its just that I'm quite shy myself and other than small talk I would be a bit wary of delving into someones details, I hate it when someone does it to me, I find I get nervous, start babbling and tell people my life story!

I don't think I'm going to win this battle, the other parents are well entrenched in the school activities, one is part of the PTA, the other one is very friendly with the head and deputy and always gets invited to any "parent and teacher" events.....parent and teacher football matches etc .....like I said very cliquey.

I think I will forget the idea of the cinema invitation, it was a bit stupid.

Thanks to everyone for confirming that Im not the only one that thinks this is odd behaviour for a grown up.

Get in there and volunteer for something yourself. I can't bear stupid cliqueyness (is that a word?) at school. I always make a point of saying hi to new parents etc. Must be horrible to feel like the 'new girl at school' when you are an adult!

londonsurrey

I don't think you're going to "win" as in a public apology from them all, and your daughter being vindicated in a public scene.

You are going to win however, in the sense that you end up with a daughter who is equipped to deal with the shallow morons that abound in life (she'll stand a better chance of weeding out immaturity in men when dating and be better able to deal with any stupidity in MILs and SILs, etc) and all the sensible teachers, mothers and daughters in the school will have the drama llama mothers and daughters pegged for exactly what they are. You just have to identify them.