Support and information after multiple miscarriages thread

jules68

MV So sorry that you are going through all this x

I don't really know anything about cps but here is my journey

Have 2 wonderful boys 15 and 8, met someone really special and fell pregnant, had 12 week scan and lost it at 8 weeks. Had ERCP.

Fell pregnant again and thought all was well , had 20 week scan and baby had died at 18 weeks. Gave birth to a little boy. He had several deformities.

Fell pregnant and lost it at 7 weeks, but this was an ectopic in c section scar.

Fell pregnant and a week later lost it, poss cp.

Really felt the longing for a baby so decided one last time, Am now pregnant with a little girl and am currently 27 weeks.

Sorry for long ramble, nothing will take away that longing you have

Just to add I am 44 today!!!

Metranil_Vavin

Thanks jules. So sorry to hear about all your losses too, but so happy that you are expecting your little girl.

x

skintchick

YEs thanks Jules, that sounds a hard journey. Thank you for sharing.

Mv, I know where you are coming from. Bereft was the word I'd have used, too, after my last one. It's that feeling of it being hopeless, the 'certainty' that if you get PG again you will lose it.

Don;t beat yourself up about testing early. Do you really think only suspecting rather than knowing for sure would make it any easier? I don't think it would. A loss is a loss.

One thing I did find when I was in a similar position was I felt that one way or another something would move on. I'd either have a baby or I'd get to go and have tests. The rules are three in a row, and I'm afraid they sometimes don't count very early ones (they wouldn;t count mine) but they might do, and you could maybe fudge that a bit and say they were at 6 weeks. Ahem.

My friend had two mcs, then a child, then 2 more mcs, and as she was 43 she got referred by her GP even though the rule is 3 in a row, so your age might help, but i'm 37 and it didn;t help me.

I have two friends who have gone private and I can get the costs for St Mary's in London for you if it would help to know what it might cost privately.

Personally, I've found that getting an answer and a solution has not helped with the grief at all. It has made it worse because now I know that my babies were all fine - there was nothing wrong with them, so it feels worse to me that they died than if they had been, to use that hideous medical term, 'incompatible with life'.

I had another counselling session today and ended up doing a fair bit of crying so it's helping but it is very draining. I would definitely recommend some counselling though.

I don't come on here every day but please do post. There are a few of us on here. Ask any questions you want, and maybe we can find some answers together.

SusanC_2

skintchick wrote: »

Don;t beat yourself up about testing early. Do you really think only suspecting rather than knowing for sure would make it any easier? I don't think it would. A loss is a loss.

I agree. I actually hadn't tested with either of my early miscarriages but I knew for sure each time that I was pregnant so from the point of view of me knowing a test didn't make any difference. With the first one though, when I had the scan that confirmed the MC the lady doing the scan didn't seem to believe I had been pregnant until I told her I'd seen the baby in a scan in that same room a few days earlier so because of that I feel I need to have a positive test as early as possible as "proof" to others (although the second MC happened so soon after that I hadn't got as far as deciding that). I think also for me personally (though I know it's different for others) having a positive test would have "validated" the earliest loss for me as even though nobody has ever called it into question I hate the fact that I have no "evidence".

skintchick wrote: »

Personally, I've found that getting an answer and a solution has not helped with the grief at all. It has made it worse because now I know that my babies were all fine - there was nothing wrong with them, so it feels worse to me that they died than if they had been, to use that hideous medical term, 'incompatible with life'.

I'm so sorry that whilst knowing does give you hope for the future, it has also made those past losses feel worse - I wish I could say something that would make it better.

cleofish

Hi everyone,
sorry I havent been on here for ages and ages, partly due to trying to forget the whole pregnancy not happing sort of thing and trying to put it to the back of mind.


I dont think I have updated for a while. I had seen the consultant in august, had blood taken and went for my ultrasound. My ultrasound was carried out ironically by a pregnant woman (does the universe sometimes mock me!) but she said it all looked fine but results would be sent to the consultant.


Finally my 3 month appointment is next week, so we are a bit apprehensive on what they might say, but im trying not to worry and think too much of it until the day before anyway


This week has made me feel a bit down as this Halloween a year ago I was in the hospital after having another miscarriage ( I remember waiting for my scan thinking whether it was going to be a trick or treat to find out whether I had miscarried) and the due date for the last baby I miscarried is going to be the end of novemeber, it seems the last few years have either been due date reminders or miscarriage reminders.


How is everyone else, sorry that ive been away and not been catching up.


How are you skint chick? I read that you had some sort of problems with your blood clotting? Will they do anything before you get pregnant or wait until you are pregnant first? Its great that you got some sort of answer from going for the tests.


Abi21- how is everything going for you? Are you on regular check ups now?


Im sorry to hear about the other news from the ladies, sometimes life is just unfair and I send my hugs and thoughts.


I try my very best to put it to the back of my mind and get on with other things in my life, but you cant plan for the 'facebook scans' or news from family, I plaster a smile on my face but sometimes it feels like I crumble inside.


Sorry to bring it down, I hope everyone is coping well and looking after themselves, sometimes we all just need to be given a break.

skintchick

Susan - thank you hon. I don't think there is anything anyone can say, it is just a matter of me working through all of this. Thankfully the counselling I'm having is designed to do exactly that, so it's come at just the right time.

cleofish wrote: »

Finally my 3 month appointment is next week, so we are a bit apprehensive on what they might say, but im trying not to worry and think too much of it until the day before anyway

How are you skint chick? I read that you had some sort of problems with your blood clotting? Will they do anything before you get pregnant or wait until you are pregnant first? Its great that you got some sort of answer from going for the tests.

Hey Cleo

Sorry you're not feeling so good right now. I really hope that your appointment goes well this week. Which day is it?

Yes, I've got Factor V Leiden so my blood is sticky. They don;t do anything for it till I get PG but then I go on baby aspirin and daily injections of 20mg of Clexane, which is heparin. I suppose I could take the baby aspirin while TTC, it won;t do any harm but I know that on it's own it won;t do any good either as I took it last pregnancy and it had no effect, or at least I still lost the baby.

I just have to have my bunions done first (in 4 weeks!) and then we can TTC from January when I'll be mobile enough to DTD! :rotfl: Hoping to get a baby by this time next year, that would be so amazing.

will definitely be needing lots of support from you lovely ladies through it all though.

how is everyone doing?

portsmouthali

Hi all, just found this thread. I guess most of you know me from the other thread but if not:

I'm 39 and have a 10 year old son with my current partner. In the last 3 years I've had 5 miscarriages, all before 11 weeks, usually around 8 weeks. I had the recurrent miscarriage testing after the 3rd loss, including hormone profiling, thrombophilia, and karotyping (where they check for problems in the genetic structure of both parents) All tests came back clear.

Since my 3rd pregnancy I've tried aspirin, high dose folic acid and in my most recent pregnancy, clexane injections. None of them have worked and although we'd still desperately love another child, I seem to have run out of options. I wonder if it's my age, and whether my eggs are just no good anymore, but then again I was only (!!) 36 when I had my first 2 miscarriages.

Jules, I remember you from before and am absolutely delighted to hear your news :T do you mind me asking, did you do anything differently this time? Did you get any extra scans, or any treatment? I seem to remember that we live in the same area so I guess we'd see the same consultants etc.

skintchick

Hi Ali

I didn;t properly know your story so thank for sharing, it must be hard with no reason for your losses, I remember reading that around half of women who are investigated for recurrent miscarriages are 'diagnosed' as unexplained.

It must be hard not to know, and to have no idea what to try next. If you find anything else out can you please post it here for other people?

Where did you go for your investigations?

Do you know if your eggs can be tested to see if they are OK? I have no idea if this is possible but if that is your worry it might be worth looking into maybe.

But if you get PG then I'd have thought that wasn't the issue?

I'm so sorry you feel at such a loss to know what to do, it must be very hard. I know I have a moan but I do feel grateful to have something treatable that will hopefully mean we can have another baby soon. I think if I didn;t have an answer I'd be a total mess, you are so strong Ali, I do admire you. xxx

abis21

Hey cleo,

Yes am on 2 weekly checks and will be complete from that in 2.5 months - so getting there now. It does get me down from time to time. I had a little hissy fit the other month after AF arrived saying I wasn't going to do the testing anymore etc etc I still did tho the next week. It just drags on and is hard sometimes.

All the results are coming back normal so I should be grateful for that, but as we're TTC again now it would be nice to see the numbers rising! I even got a negative result the other week when AF was due which was a bit of a kick in the teeth - could I have >been< any less pregnant :o Sheffield monitor it differently from charing cross and they do a calculation with keotones or something to reduce the concentration of urine as a factor. Less than 0.35 is normal, and I managed to be -0.11 that week.

I think there are often dates and memories we wish we didn't have. And pregnant people everywhere It feels like I am being left behind in a lot of ways, which I know is not true, but it feels so unfair sometimes when I think of how long I have waited And I know others have had it far worse than me, so then I think I should just be grateful Doesn't stop me moaning tho from time to time

Hope your appointment goes ok. I do think of you often - hope you come back to update us on how you get on xxx

Skint - I feel so sad that they waited to test you and you lost your babies Did you read the poem I put on the miscarriage board? They read it at that ceremony I went to. It said that our babies are living their lives in God's house, and they come and visit us every night on our pillows whilst we sleep. I don't really believe in any religion, and have previously been quite against it - but I can't tell you how much comfort I got from that poem - to think that my baby is somewhere beautiful I know its not for everyone tho.

Ali - so sorry you don't have any answers for your heartbreak.

skintchick

Abis, I'm not sure if I read the poem, but I am a Christian and I do believe my babies are in heaven and that I will meet them one day. I had a vision of them being inside angels until they were born properly there, and I believe they are growing up and that I'll meet them when I die. That may sound morbid but I truly believe they are with God and very happy and healthy in heaven.

I just wish they were here with me I know that's a bit selfish; heaven is the best place anyone could be, after all.