How do I change my husband

gfplux

This thread reminds me of the old saying:-
Women marry men expecting to change them.
Men marry women expecting them never to change.

Often both sides are disappointed

rosered1963

Dear Thirtysomething,

I wish you luck whatever you do. I know you want children sooner rather than later, but don't you deserve, and need, to have them fathered by someone a bit more grown up, responsible and enthusiastic than your current man? It sounds like you are the driver in the relationship and you already have a kid to look after/watch/advise. I wouldn't do it to be honest - it sounds as though you are the tugboat pulling him along. You are going to get very bored and worn out of doing that ten years from now. If he is your one and only, it doesn't come across in your posts. No offence but perhaps you are not really very well matched.

dark_lady

Pollycat wrote: »

How would that work if you had a child together and you were off work for 6 or more months, or even became a SAHM?

I'm not sure if the OP hasn't expressed herself very well in her first post, but I think maybe she is worried about money if she doesn't work.

I can understand this as a friend of mine had a similar experience when she left work to be a SAHM.

Her OH became a right pain with money and even expected her to pay one of the household bills and run her car with the small amount she got from her p/t job, CTC and child maintenance.

He was even reluctant to increase the housekeeping he gave her when her CTC went down because he'd had a pay rise.

This is called financial abuse.

dark_lady

January20 wrote: »

I think you should be careful not to judge the OP to quickly and too severely. I have the feeling that there is more to the story than is written in the first post. I find it puzzling that she is afraid to be penniless whilst she is on maternity leave. She says her OH is tight with money, that she has paid off his debts. Perhaps he thinks his money is his, whilst her money is theirs, perhaps he is awful with money? Who knows? I hope she hasn't been scared off by all the criticism and comes back.

Agree with this. i think exactly the same thing.

Taadaa

CCStar wrote: »

Change your husband

For another one!

Hehe this is what I thought when I read the title!

You need to have the discussion about it before you even think about conceiving.

My husband and I have separate bank accounts. We will be a bit more joined up when I am on mat leave, but both of us would rather have a bit of financial independance to fund our own interests, as well as looking after the family jointly. We have been saving like mad, personally I would not be happy about having to ask for pocket money from a bloke though.