How do I change my husband

londonsurrey

BugglyB wrote: »

'How do I change my husband'

:rotfl:

I just got that.

*visions of rows of husbands perching in a shop window display, ready for swaps*

System

londonsurrey wrote: »

I just got that.

*visions of rows of husbands perching in a shop window display, ready for swaps*

I'll have one with dark hair and with less of a mouth please .

Tiddlywinks

HOW DO I CHANGE MY HUSBAND?

Do you still have the receipt? Might be difficult without it... maybe they might give you an exchange but then would he meet your requirements?

Annisele wrote: »

I think the more fundamental issue is that you want to change him - but you can't change another person; you can only change yourself.

.............

Presumably you loved and respected your husband when you married him. So, assuming he doesn't change one iota - would you still want a baby with him?

^^^ This - you married him knowing his personality. Live with it or don't live with it - your choice BUT don't start a family with him until you know you can live with him as he is... he won't change, people don't really fundamentally change their personalities, that's life!

Don't bring a little person into your unhappy life - sort it out first for everyone's benefit.

System

^^^ This - you married him knowing his personality. Live with it or don't live with it - your choice BUT don't start a family with him until you know you can live with him as he is... he won't change, people don't really fundamentally change their personalities, that's life!

I agree to a point. I am a different person from the 22 year old that my husband married. My husband is a different person from the 21 year old i married. The majority of changes have been due to us spending so much time apart. We have both morphed into different people.

Tamsin_Temrin

How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Notice that the OP has not come back.

floss2

Tamsin_Temrin wrote: »

..Notice that the OP has not come back.

Give her a chance - she may be an evening poster...not everyone spends all day on here

January20

I think you should be careful not to judge the OP to quickly and too severely. I have the feeling that there is more to the story than is written in the first post. I find it puzzling that she is afraid to be penniless whilst she is on maternity leave. She says her OH is tight with money, that she has paid off his debts. Perhaps he thinks his money is his, whilst her money is theirs, perhaps he is awful with money? Who knows? I hope she hasn't been scared off by all the criticism and comes back.

meritaten

January20 wrote: »

I think you should be careful not to judge the OP to quickly and too severely. I have the feeling that there is more to the story than is written in the first post. I find it puzzling that she is afraid to be penniless whilst she is on maternity leave. She says her OH is tight with money, that she has paid off his debts. Perhaps he thinks his money is his, whilst her money is theirs, perhaps he is awful with money? Who knows? I hope she hasn't been scared off by all the criticism and comes back.

That is exactly the impression I got too. and I have seen marraiges where the woman has scrimped and worked while her OH can afford expensive hobbies and evenings down the pub - while the kids and missus are hard put to have decent clothes on thier backs.
Not everyone has a marraige where finances are on an equal footing. not every man has scruples - some are selfish barstewards who are quite happy to see the family struggle while indulging themselves.

Tamsin_Temrin

January20 wrote: »

I think you should be careful not to judge the OP to quickly and too severely. I have the feeling that there is more to the story than is written in the first post. I find it puzzling that she is afraid to be penniless whilst she is on maternity leave. She says her OH is tight with money, that she has paid off his debts. Perhaps he thinks his money is his, whilst her money is theirs, perhaps he is awful with money? Who knows? I hope she hasn't been scared off by all the criticism and comes back.

Fair one. Could be that the husband is happy to spend all his money, then all hers and the OP is worried about how to keep a roof over their heads if she stops getting money during Maternity Leave.

Trouble is, if someone doesnt want to change, no matter what they say, the same stuff will keep on happening. You cannot change another person. You can make it in their interests to change, but it isnt guaranteed. And it isn't a stable foundation.

I wouldnt try and change someone, for me. I actually think it morally wrong. You can help change, you can support change - especially if it is something like addiction. But you cant change someone from the outside.

easilydistracted

OP does your husband want to have a baby and buy a house? It sounds strange that all the decision and responsibility is on you. My partner and I are in our early 30s. We are planning to buy a house next year and try for a family straight after that as I have an issue which can cause sub fertility and don't want to leave too late. This is a major adjustment as we are used to keeping our money relatively separate and our earnings are very different.

At the moment my additional earnings go on my shiny car and I will be saving the majority of the deposit. We will also both have to work four days a week when I finish maternity leave, and indeed he may take the additional part of maternity. We know this is a good idea as we've talked and talked about and are focused together on making it happen.

So my point is I think the important part is not who earns what, but how you will work together and whether you have shared plans and agendas.