MSE Pregnancy Club 25

dizsiebubba

A friend had a MMC of an unplanned pregnancy back in march...she had just got round to the idea when it was cruelly snatched away from her. Understandably she was devastated and as her friend i tried to be there for her... she found out at her 12 week scan, the same day as my Nan's funeral/memorial service but even still the next day I got a card and sent it to her to let her know I had been thinking of her...her baby was due this month sometime...the reason I don't remember exactly when is that since I told her I was pg (the day after my 12 week scan) she flipped out at me and hasn't spoken to me since....she was angry I waited so long to tell her and felt betrayed that she has confided in me how she felt about her MMC all the time I knew I was pg. I hadn't even told my parents before the 12 week scan so obviously wouldn't have told her, but I understood she was hurting so excused her being irrational and hope she would calm down and we could be friends again one day. Sadly it only got worse, to the extent that her and other friends of hers were making silly comments on facebook about karma and how hopefully I would know how it felt... I was totally disgusted by this, as was my OH and my family... I had to argue with OH and family to hold back because they were about to rip her head off... we all deleted her as a friend on facebook instead... I will never forgive her for those comments.

She knew I was trying for a baby, I told her before she told me she was pg, so to a certain extent I was suprised she hadn't guessed - she asked me how the trying was going the week before I had my 12 week scan and obviously I rather awkwardly had to say that we were ploughing on with the BD and I was waiting to see if I would get a BFP soon. I felt mean lying but I shouldn't have to tell and I had always told her that we both felt that we would never tell before 12 week scan so again i'm suprised she asked...

So now I realise that we are at the due date and find myself feeling incredibly sad for her...even after what has happened. I know she must be struggling around now and has next to no support from her family or OH... her family have always been a bit selfish and her OH is a divorcee who doesn't want to get married again, or have kids and actually asked 'are we going to keep it .. oh !!!!!!' when she told him she was pg...they don't live together, he lives in scotland and she lives in england and he works away from home so over their 2.5 yr relationship they have only spent the weekends (and odd week on holiday) together so it isn't really an ideal realtionship...

I don't know why i'm posting really, just felt sad for her but also still angry at her and just wondered how you think you would feel in my situation?

sexymouse

dizsie I can see both sides in a way. It must have been really hard for you in the early stages of your pregnancy knowing what had happened to your friend. I think the way her friends reacted on facebook was inexcusable behaviour no matter how hurt your friend may have been to find you were pregnant. I can see the fact that she'd be hurt by the fact that you hadn't told her - it wasn't quite the same, but my friend knew we'd been trying for ages and she had told me that she was planning to start TTC in August last year. However, she sent me a picture text message of her little girl wearing a t-shirt with their 12-week scan photo announcing that they were expecting in July on the day my period showed up! I think it would've hurt anyway, but the fact that it had been a mass text and so in my face made it seem worse. It also hurt that she knew she was pregnant when she told me that they were going to wait to try. I found it very hard to see her for a little while as I was jealous, but I got over it (largely helped by the fact that I met up with her quickly after the announcement so that I could get the first meeting over with and she was really good and talked about anything but the pregnancy, and then also as I got my BFP in January) and we're now in contact regularly. I was very careful how I announced my pregnancy as I was aware of how it doesn't always feel like good news to everyone. I can completely understand you not wanting to tell anyone before 12 weeks, particularly due to what your friend went through, and the fact that you're obviously a really caring person is why you feel sad for her now, as you're able to put yourself in her shoes. Try not to let it get you down though, and enjoy your pregnancy without feeling guilty about it. Hugs to you, and I hope this post doesn't upset you further. xx

dizsiebubba

I don't feel guilty in the slightest... my baby was planned and I had been trying before I knew she was pg!

Rups32

oh dizsie that is so sad. i feel for you. I can relate to that as my friend had 2 MCs and i was so scared of telling her when i fell pregnant. Lucky for me, she showed me happiness even though iknow deep inside she is hurting. i am so sorry that you feel sad for her. What she did to you was unacceptable. I mean i can understand going through a MC what it is like but if my friend told me she was preg i would be happy still. hugs hon.xxxx

we were in a long meeting where the director could see me falling asleep. boring commercial talk. meh.. now i have loads to do and dont want to stay late but am so tired that i dont want to go home and wish could fly...wanted to chill but BIL is there so i might be antisocial, and take DHs laptop upstairs and surf the net or have a nap.:( sadly mypositive from the list didnt work but i know i will get the perfume soon.

marta thanks for that. you are right. i shouldnt nag him because he will stay away and will resent coming back home, so should calm down. just wish he could spend some quailty time with me. saying that when he came back from kung fu, we sat and watched Supernatural after BIL went to bed!!

ohhh a set to watch is supernatural. i abs love it and the eye candy in there is lovely. im also liking greys anatomy and loved prison break.

Kitten_Pie

When we lost the boys in October my brothers girlfriend was pregnant. He never contacted me or came to the funeral. The only contact I had was a mass text in April telling everyone of the arrival of their boy. It felt like a kick in the teeth that he didn't even think of how we might have felt. The way it was written sounded like he was bragging that his child was born breathing. Probably hormones or accident but that was how it read.

I did get an email in July when he found out I was expecting again informing me that he had had a tough year. At this point I cut him out of my life and want nothing to do with him again.

We have had a few people who want to get in contact with us now we have a live child. Our thoughts are if you wanted nothing to do with us or our children when we had two dead children you can't enjoy our company when we have a living one.

It might be harsh but we have to protect ourselves and our children.

mrshappy

just popping in to say congratulations to emsbet xx

countrybum

(hugs) you guys, it sounds like you've got some pretty insensitive 'friends'. Sadly, its at difficult/sad times you find who your true friends are.

Savavge - re box sets, I can totally recommend Breaking Bad and The Boardwalk Empire. Have you seen The Wire? I've heard its good, not seen it yet though

Candlewax

Huge congratulations Emsbet x

MissMonkeyMoo

Re box sets, I'm with sa-ra-ra on life on mars and ashes to ashes love both of those! Also have all seasons of prison break and the inbetweeners. OH had bought me a choc orange and I was so miserable I've eaten half already!that will do nothing to help my stomach acid!

mintedby30?

Huge congratulations to Milliebob and Emsbet, think I may have already congratulated Milliebob, preg brain! Emsbet, I have stalked you all through your ttc and preg journey and am so delighted you have your healthy little boy!

Sa-ra-ra, I could kiss you for reminding me about the existence of teachers, omg Andrew Lincoln is a hottie!!

Dizsie I really feel for your friend but it's completely out of order the things her/her family were saying on Facebook. It's lovely that you're thinking about them after all the agro.

We had our scan today- 22 weeks- all looking good -and I've just "come out" on Facebook, that's going to be it though as several of my friends are struggling to ttc or have had losses. My best friend who had a stillbirth last year- now has a healthy 4 week old boy!- she cut a lot of people out who much like Kitten's experience, didn't come near them or text/ call/ anything when they lost their daughter but now they have a baby are coming back out of the woodwork. She was hurt a lot of the time by Facebook comments which she knew were nothing to do with her but it still affected her.

Off to have seconds of tea- made sausages in cider gravy with some chopped black pud that disintegrated it's way into the gravy, it was lush! Hubs out with a friend tonight and if he expects to come home boozy for a midnight sausage sarnie he's going to be disappointed!!