Preparedness for when

pineapple

Doveling wrote: »

I met my husband at work, he worked for me. When we went to buy a house together (and I was providing the bulk of the purchase price) the mortgage advisor insisted on directing any questions to him rather than equally:mad: This was only twenty years ago :eek:

Even longer ago (not saying how long ) my boyfriend and I were told by a Building Society employee 'We don't give mortgages to women of childbearing age'. :eek: Even in those days it wasn't legal and we complained. Harriet Harman actually came to see me and took up the case on our behalf. But it got nowhere as they denied saying it and there was nothing in writing.
Shortly after, the employee was relocated.....

maryb

I have just been reading this

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Fifties-Mystique-Jessica-Mann-ebook/dp/B00CKCC27U/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1457606405&sr=8-1&keywords=the+fifties+mystique

And I recognised all of it even though I am 15 years younger than she is.

And Doveling, I remember a colleague who was on a very high salary telling me less than ten years ago that when she and her husband were moving house and applying for a new mortgage, there had recently been a courtcase where some woman was able to see off a bank's attempt to repossess because despite her name being on the mortgage with now departed husband she had never been advised that this made her jointly liable. So all the mortgage lenders introduced new procedures to guard against future misselling claims. My colleague was fuming when she came into work because of the patronising tone the mortgage broker took with her - quite literally words of one syllable as if the 'little woman' couldn't understand big words even though he could see from the paperwork in front of him that hers was by far the higher income

Cappella

Agree Doveling. SHTF here last year when I woke up in a critical care unit four days after a major 'cardiac event'. No warning and I was fit and active for my age. I was SO grateful for our well stocked pantry and freezer when I was finally discharged. Cut the stress considerably. I'm lucky, I've made a complete recovery and should be fine longer term, but you just never know what's round the next bend in the road so far better to be prepared for those emergencies in the meantime I'm stocking my pantry and store cupboard up to the ceiling. Forewarned is forearmed.

People are sadly all too good at judging others. We were always frugal, even though we both worked full time, and we put two through university on my wage. Then we lived on one wage and we saved all of the other for four years years so that when our elderly parents, who lived over a hundred miles, away needed a lot of help I could give up work to care for them. And oh my goodness!! Some of the comments about 'rolling in money' and 'it's all right for you' when I left work had to be heard to be believed - and all from the same colleagues who'd commented in the past about my lack of new clothes, holidays abroad, the fact that we lived in a small house when we could 'easily afford to move.' It makes me smile now, but it didn't then
There are some people who'll always be critical of you, the best thing to do is smile to yourself and do what's best for you

maryb

NewShadow, didn't realise until I clicked on the link that your article was about the same book!

I usually find that the people who wax most lyrical about the 1950s weren't there - or they were men - or they were lucky!

There has never been a better time to be born a woman in the West. And I know precisely which horn of the dilemma to impale myself on if it come to a clash between cultural heritage and the right of little girls not to be mutilated and I simply cannot understand why women who call themselves feminists are so shy about speaking up.

But then they wouldn't consider me a proper feminist - I just believe that feminism is about being treated as a grown up rather than as a permanent child. Loved and indulged if you were lucky but always liable to have decisions taken out of your hands.

I've been through the doing it all rather than having it all years with children and a demanding job. And when I was stressed, yes I would bake cakes to destress. If I started making bread my DH knew it was all getting too much!! But that was a choice not my destiny. Tough as it was I wouldn't trade it for living a full monty 1950s lifestyle

Siebrie

Interesting. I have always been the main breadwinner in our marriage, dh was a student and then had a lower paid job, but he does have the company car DH and I put in the same number of hours in our jobs, and in the housework. He does most of the cooking and cleaning, I do most of the social calendar planning, paperwork, dd's homework (helping, not doing!), and dds' wardrobes.


In reply to Maryb: we won't travel to dh's family until our two girls are at least 18, because his country in Africa has 97% FGM. I trust dh, but not the women in his family.

melodramaticme

I find that it is the things that my daughters take for granted that make me realise quite how far we have come since the 1960's when I was a young mother. Being accepted as capable of running ones own life, deciding whether or not to have children, being an equal partner in a relationship, or being a single woman without a partner. When I was first married only married woman had access to family planning, I had to present my marriage certificate at the clinic to even get advice, despite the fact that I already had a child. I had a friend whose father effectively disowned her for moving out of home into a flat on her own without a husband; she was a single girl setting out on a good career path. This along with having to get my husband or my father to sign any HP or credit agreement, never ever entering a pub or restaurant on my own even to meet my husband, or hiding the fact that I worked for London Rubber Company (Durex manufacturer) for a time. By the time I divorced (shock horror! Had to provide confession statements from my husband and his new girlfriend to be able to prove that I had grounds for divorce) I had to argue until I was blue in the face that I was a suitable candidate for a mortgage from the bank that I then worked for, ( cheaper than renting and I was trying to take over the mortgage on the house I already lived in) that I met all the criteria that male staff had to meet, including being over 25 and having worked for the bank for 6 years, and prove to the branch manager that I could afford to do so by providing budget details for the past year and a forecast for the next. They still came back and asked me to give up my credit card ( no balance outstanding, and never having gone overdrawn on my current account); I managed to persuade them that I would only use it for emergency spending, but it took me a year of arguing and justifying before they finally agreed. The manager I was dealing with told me that my soon-to-be ex should be the one providing my living accommodation, and not his branch!

Oh wow! Sorry for the long rant, remembering how it used to be gets under my skin obviously:D

S_Wales_Saver

Yes things have come a long way, though I agree that thinking the battle is won is the first step on a slippery slope. I also had to provide proof of my (impending) wedding to get access to family planning. And later (1980s) had to be signed off by my OH before undergoing a needed hysterectomy.

Horrified at the same time that an elderly fellow patient was told that she couldn't go down to theatre til her equally elderly husband travelled 30 miles to the hospital by public transport to give his permission !?!?!?!? :eek: What a shame if she'd gone ahead and denied him children to brighten their 75 yr old lives :rotfl::rotfl: Luckily common sense and the hospital social worker prevailed and she was operated on.

Financially, the kind bank manager did agree to a joint bank account so my wages could be paid in. He gently explained to OH, however, that I really didn't need a cheque book and cheque card :question:

The one that really grated on me, though, was the tax man sending MY tax rebate to my husband :mad::mad: In our case all moneys were shared but the fact this used to happen still makes me gnash my teeth :mad:

Siebrie

My mother's mother had 3 daughters, even though the GP advised her not to have a third child due to the complications during pregnancy and delivery of the second. Then, her dh died when the youngest (my mum) was only one and grandma was only 26. My grandma had a women's problem, and was bleeding frequently and violently. Her GP did not advise a hysterectomy until 20 years later, because 'she might get married again, and her husband might want children'! Despite the advise he gave her earlier about having more kids, and despite her having a very hard time earning a living due to the problem! I still get mad when I think about it; even accounting for a different era, hysterectomies did happen in the 50s.

maryb

Innocently remarking when I was about 7 that my mother didn't do the washing on Monday, she did it on Sunday because she was teaching during the week. Everyone in the class gasped and I can still remember shrinking back in my seat thinking that I had done something wrong again. I wasn't by any means a naughty child but one always seemed to be doing or saying something wrong and not knowing why and every adult with any jurisdiction over you was far too free with their slaps

Nargleblast

Regarding olden days conventions, I remember reading a poem about washing day. I think it went something like

If you wash on a Monday you've all the week to dry
Wash on a Tuesday, you've let a day go by.
Wash on a Wednesday that's half the week away,
Wash on a Thursday, you've lost another day.

Can't remember what was said about washing on Friday or Saturday, but the punchline of the poem was

And if you wash on a Sunday, you are a !!!!!! indeed.


Oh well, no hope for me, then......