Preparedness for when

GreyQueen

NewShadow wrote: »

*cough*

Would you object to someone (who really likes you, and respects the fight your generation had) saying they were an equalist?

Of course not!:D

nuatha

COOLTRIKERCHICK wrote: »

Karmacat... Lol... No

I was prob over thnking/ reacting due to some posts lately, just me being a silly billy

I don't see it as you ever being a silly billy. you may have overthought things - I do that as well. You treated a sensitive issue with sensitivity - that I respect. I don't know if you've phrased it differently in this post, but it took courage to raise it again. Thank you.

I was saying that I don't think I could be a Muslim woman.. If what I have read on certain sites how Muslim women are treated by Muslim men.
And I asked if this happens in the UK??

Of course it does. But its not just Muslims who treat women this way.
A former girlfriend's father would sit in the kitchen, and when he wanted a cup of tea would tap the side of his cup with his teaspoon. If within 60 seconds, no-one had responded and put the kettle on, he would bellow his wife's name and she would come running. The price of not doing so would be a beating for both his wife and his daughters. Apparently he behaved very differently at his mistress's.
Yesterday evening (International Women's Day) I was chatting to a friend who said she'd celebrated by coming in from work, cooking her husband's tea and cleaning the house. She regards herself as a third wave feminist. When I said I hadn't cooked tea, but expected to do so every other night this week (we'd gone out to celebrate a family birthday) she'd asked could I have a word with her husband - he might listen to another man.

I spent part of today talking to a Muslim business woman who not only owns the business outright, employees around 200 people (most of whom are men) but is helping would be entrepreneurs get their own start setting up businesses.

There are stereotypes, I don't actually know any Muslim women who fit the typical media stereotype - but being a white male they wouldn't be allowed to associate with me - but I'm sure there are some in the UK. Unfortunately there's a lot of non-Muslim women who still live in the same conditions that were prevalent in the 1950s and 60s.

Re- mealworms they are really easy to look after and breed.. And the eat any type of meal, oats, wheat bran, weetabix etc..

AND I have tried one!!! Hubby and I said we would eat one if the other did.. So we both put one in our mouths the same time.. I started chewing, and he just took it out of his.. He was just holding it his mouth.. Lol ( git) .. It tasted a bit like a nut.. And very bity because of the outer shell..

I will not be giving up meat to eat them lol...BUT if it was a matter of survival. And very Ltd food supply, then yes I would eat them.

Good for you - shame on hubby.

GreyQueen wrote: »

When a pal of mine started psychiatric nursing in the early 1970s, some of her patients were little old ladies who'd been in institutions all their lives for having a baby out of wedlock. A whole life of incarceration.

And often those babies were raised in the same institutions. I knew a newly qualified social worker in the 1980s who inherited a mother and daughter as part of his case-load. The daughter's mental health problem had been being born out of wedlock. Though a life lived in an institution left her completely unable to cope in the outside world.
[/quote]
Don't ever aspire to go back to the good old days. Brave women fought long and hard to get us what we've got today, it still isn't enough (i.e. not equal) but we can only build on it.

And if I ever hear a woman IRL, who works for a living, owns her own house, drives her own car, whose had education and opportunities undreamed of by womankind for most of history, snigger that she's not a feminist, I am motivated to murderous rage.[/QUOTE]

The Good Old Days might have been an interesting TV program, but the reality wasn't that wonderful, Golden Ages never were. There may be lots to learn from the past, but surely the most important lessons are where we were very wrong, and making sure we don't return to those conditions.

Persuading people that the fight has been won (gender equality, employment rights, education rights, human rights) and is therefore over is the first step in undoing all that has been won and removing the little bit that has been achieved - not that we've actually won any of those struggles.

fuddle

I know that DH's parents couldn't understand why he was so hands on with parenting our little ones, took an active role in doing the housework and that he would rally after me and I him. He was a new age man and it wsn't positive in their eyes. I worked full time at the time and si did DH. Our situatuin called for all hands on deck.

Fast forward to now and I take on all responsibilities innthe house and organising the girls. I don't do paid work - my job is house wife at the moment. I see know reason why DH should come and start dishes or put a wash load in. The idea to me is ludicrous.

What I can't fathom is DH's mam's attitude now. I am now a layabout or a lady of leisure. I need to contribute to finances to take the pressure off DH. She can't understans that DH likes coming in from work of an evening to be able to shut off or that we can go enjoy ourselves of a weekend together. She dorsn't get that I like to mother and wife and keep my home in order.

I wish I understood her point of view because it seems to me that she's so conflicted over these past 10 years.

pineapple

I'm so cross this morning. There is to be a big energy shake up which will include your supplier sharing its database with others.
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/energy/2016/03/competition-watchdog-set-outs-plans-to-shake-up-energy-market
According to a TV item today, apparently you can be approached if you haven't swapped in 3 years but I don't for one moment believe they will keep to the 3 year rule. And once the information is out there it's out there. What a gift to the spammers. And how are people who are already plagued with PPI calls and the like meant to distinguish the good guys from the bad guys? Not that I want even the good guys calling either.
There should be an opt out from having my personal details passed around (or an opt in) but not holding my breath.
Maybe not an appropriate topic for this forum except it is one more gift for Big Brother and yet another bit of privacy eroded.
Rant over!

[Deleted User]

Petal, it's none of anyone elses business what you and your OH do or don't do. You're both adults and sometimes parents cannot grasp that fact even when you're in your 30s. I loved being at home and being Mum and housewife it was a full on job and I did it to the best of my ability just like you. No one from our circle of friends could understand that it was 'enough' to make me deeply satisfied as all the other wives worked and they couldn't understand our values. The satisfaction was as the children in the group grew up there were very few Mums who didn't say 'I wish my kids were like yours, aren't yours doing well at school, don't they do a lot of activities, I wish mine were friends with me the way yours are with you' says it all really. Enjoy who you are and what you've chosen to do lovey, it's a good life and why would you change it for what anyone else thinks? xxx.

Nargleblast

fuddle - if you and your DH can organise things so that you can survive on one salary, then so be it. It is nobody else's damn business.

Doveling

Interesting, GQ.
I did a load of stuff for uni on the health service being an arm of the state for social control in collusion with state religion.
(Women know your place, McNaughton's rule etc. )

I met my husband at work, he worked for me. When we went to buy a house together (and I was providing the bulk of the purchase price) the mortgage advisor insisted on directing any questions to him rather than equally:mad: This was only twenty years ago :eek:

I agree with you, Fuddle. When we both worked we did things equally in the home. When I am not working, I do everything in the home. When I had my operation, Mr.D did everything. (We did have a cleaner 2 hours a week so big jobs didn't build up too much - windows/oven)
Flexibility and mutual support is key

thriftwizard

I'd love to live in a society that just doesn't judge... I certainly wouldn't want to go back to the narrow-minded social mores of the 1950s, but I think we have blind-spots of our own. I regularly field comments about wasting my education, being ungrateful to society & not paying my way, as I'm not out working from 9-5. But as far as I'm concerned, I'm just doing my best to keep our heads above water, with a combination of radical money-saving and earning what little I can as a trader; I'm caring for a young adult who through no fault of her own, is totally unable to function in today's society, not to mention a not-totally-fit-&-able 90 year old 26 miles away. Said young adult does not (yet) have an official diagnosis, or any support apart from medication, which we pay for; what am I supposed to do, go back to paid 9-5 work & leave her to die (an ever-present possibility) or be a burden on society? She does have the potential to live a happy & fulfilled life, and contribute positively to society, given time, IMHO, but as she's my own flesh & blood I'd continue to care for her even if she didn't.

People who purse their lips and make sideways comments about those who haven't built up a pension or "paid their way" sometimes just make my blood boil! There is truth in the idea of making your own bed & laying on it, but there are also many, many circumstances outside people's own control that mean you may not be entirely able to make that bed the way you'd like to. But there you go - now I'm the one being judgemental! And way off-thread...

Doveling

Thriftwizard -totally on thread

Life is is sometimes made up of continual personal SHTF times. These are the ones I worry about and which we all need support with.

Armageddon - no probs. We have tinned goods :rotfl:

fuddle

Apologies for all the errors in my first post this morning. I was typing just before the school walk.

The decision to move away was greatly around leaving the judgemental people around me. I knew coming back I would struggle wirh attitudes.

To be fair I do have a roll my eyes attitude most of the time. I have been pondering on my walk back this morning and I'm putting it down to the lack of spare money we have. We don't 'get' l, we don't fly around Europe and I'm no longer cosmetically polished (to standards that they think acceptible... I am always neat, tidy and are proud of my appearance). I'm thinking that to others it probably looks like we're struggling after 2 years of being away. We have changed but for us it's for the better.

We are financially in the best place we have been in terms of work life balance. We pay the bills and have some left over. That amount won't get us a lot of extras but we dont want a lot of extras. We are outdoors people who are happy with our lot. To go get more money we would bring more stress to our door and loose the relax family time we are lucky to be able to share.

Thriftwizard I don't think you're being judgemental at all. You speak the truth because for all the will in the world life just doesn't go to plan. I don't think your comments are off thread either but I am concerned about 'paying my way' and seeking to sort that. Not because I worry about being judged but because I want to try to give myself the best chance I can even though I'm very aware that I'm probably wasting my time.

I have been an idependant woman, car owner, home owner, good job etc etc. I now choose to be a housewife and DH has every right to have his home cooked meal on the table when he walks in. There will be those that will judge our attitudes as being wrong also and think of me as a downtrodden housewife or DH as a male chauvinist... thats the problem with prejudice, it really hasn't got a clue!