make do and mend for tougher times

kezlou

Its hard figuring out how to explain to a child about bad people and abuse. I personally am very paranoid about my boys going out. I like to know exactly where they are. Ds1 is 12 and although he goes to town with his friends there no way id let him go by himself. He aldin goes to sol by himself on the bus and into the house when I'm not in. my eight year old only allowed on our block. Luckily on our block we have the school field and the little park. Two of his friends live on it too so I generally know where he is. But I always take him to the school as its quite busy.
guess what we have a shower! It was heaven last night. Got the landlady coming today with the insurance people oh ams builders should be gone by today to.
Fuddle I received my housing form so going to get that sent off to.good luck!

D&DD

Meme just noticed your sig its lovely

Morning All well I had a wonderful time yesterday what a lovely bunch of people and little Caity was gorgeous! It was so nice to chat to people who have got the same interests it really was like meeting up with old friends even though we've never met in person before.

We popped in to Hobbycraft afterwards and I managed to get a traybake tin so that was a result as somehow the lid on my posh Lakelands one has been pranged..:( and I got 20% off thanks to Annie :D

OT are hopefully showing up today to relieve me of the equipment DS no longer needs then my parents are due and in between I have to do some cleaning,walk the dog and some baking,washing etc

OH is sulking...I forgot to tell the escorts on the schoolbus he was picking up DS3 yesterday and he got accosted by at least 5 members of staff etc before they agreed he could have him he may forgive me later..what with that and giving the OT lady the Team America Hawooo down the phone yesterday I think today may be a bit more sedate :rotfl:

Have a great day all
XXX

Tawny75

I explained to my daughter about bad people too, and that she must never go past our gate and things like that. As she got older, I explained about how everything covered by her underwear is her own private area and should not be seen/touched by anyone else unless she gives express permission. I suppose I was a bit old fashioned but she didn't play out until she was a bit older. She is 13 now and we live in a town. She walks the mile to school every day and walks/bikes to the town centre or my sisters.

It is cold and wet here today, so tonight I am going to have another go at making some jelly, mixed fruit this time using up loads of odds and sods in the freezer. I am going to get the hang of jelly before I attempt jam!

[Deleted User]

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valk_scot

I live in a medium sized, very bustling town, lots of families, four primary schools and the district secondary. It's a small enough place to make taking the car out for the school run a waste of time in most cases though of course the working parents with jobs to on go to afterwards (justified) the parents of multiple small kids or kids with special needs (justified) and the parents of the special snowflakes that can't possibly be expected to walk (far too many, completely selfish) still manage to turn the local roads into mayhem at that time. Still, over half the local primary school kids and 90% of the grammar school kids walk to school which is pretty good in this day and age. The schools encourage this wholeheartedly, there are designated routes through the town that the kids are encouraged to use.

So by the time the kids get to seven or so they're well used to the route to school and well used to walking it. DS started doing it himself on his seventh birthday but given there were a couple of hundred kids plus half that number of parents walking the same route just outside our door it was as safe as it was going to get tbh. When his sister was 6 and he was 11 they went together, then when he went to the grammar I walked with her till her seventh birthday and then she walked by herself.

Except she wasn't, by herself, not really, there were always classmates around, other parents with younger kids, older kids that she knew by sight. And most of the time she spots someone she knows before she turns the first corner and walks down with them. I think that the expression "walking on his/her own" often conjures up a vision of a terrified and lonely child walking through darkened alleyways and isolated parks and crossing four lane motorways, populated by drunks, child molesters and gangs of thugs. While in reality for many kids it's a ten or fifteen minute walk via suburban pavements in the company of dozens of others doing exactly the same.

I think it's good for them to get out and about in this controlled way, it encourages them to use their own wits a bit in a relatively safe situation. DD is 11 now, she's allowd to go out to visit and play with friends in a strictly controlled area. She takes her phone, she texts me to keep me abreast of her movements. she has to be home when shes told, she doesn't stay out too late or after dark, she's had every lecture and lesson going about keeping herself safe and stranger danger. Next spring/summer I'll be allowing her to walk down into the High Street with a pal, next year at this time she'll be walking to the grammar. By the time she's 14 she'll be going with her friends on the bus to the local shopping centre, by 15/16 she'll be doing the same as her brother does which is going into Edinburgh on the train or bus for the day, or Glasgow even, and not having to be home till 8pm or so. But always in a group, never on her own, and lots of contact via texts. Late nights, like concerts? Her dad or I come and pick him/her and the friends up.

Obviously where you live influences how close you keep the kids but really, you can't lock them up till they're 18 and leave home, that would mean they didn't have a clue as to how to keep themselves safe on the streets. I think of the leash as an extending one, you let it out a little bit more every year in a controlled way until it's barely there at all. Of course you also have to be confident in the sensibleness of your children, there are some that are ditzy or have no sense of danger or are rebelious or just plain disobedient. But also kids nowadays don't tend to go places alone, it's normal for them to hang out and go places in groups and they look out for one another.

And the phones make a huge difference I find, it's worth them having a cheap one from the moment they start going out without you. Yes sure the school may not allow them but that's mostly to stop the kids using them constantly in class or because they won't take responsibility for any theft or damage. A £10 Tesco cheapy stuck firmly in the bottom of the bag and always switched off when in school? I'd argue that one with the school I feel, if they want kids to walk to and from school they have to go with a few precautions. I've always done it anyway and the school has never noticed.

Must get on with the day. But freedom for kids, within limits, is something I feel strongly about. How the heck are they going to grow up with any degree of self reliance if we don't give them the chance to practice it? Child abduction is statistically no more common now than in the 70's when I was a girl, it's just that the media reporting of every incident makes it sound more common and that every single incident is very close to you.

[Deleted User]

VAL - That is a super sensible post, you are the voice of reason and common sense thank you very much. What you say helps defeat the spectre of fear that crops up inevitably when something as distressing as a child abduction happens. Your kids are lucky to have such a tuned in Mum, Cheers Lyn x.

rosieben

great post valk.

SpikyHedgehog wrote: »

... but the empowerment is the important part, and the knowing that they don't have to accept things. ...

I so agree with that SH, I was abused by a member of my extended family and it totally skewed my understanding of boundaries and relationships for many years. Its important for kids to be empowered, to understand they don't have to put up with things that make them uncomfortable. That applies just as much in the home as outside it.

Tawny75

valk_scot wrote:

Must get on with the day. But freedom for kids, within limits, is something I feel strongly about. How the heck are they going to grow up with any degree of self reliance if we don't give them the chance to practice it? Child abduction is statistically no more common now than in the 70's when I was a girl, it's just that the media reporting of every incident makes it sound more common and that every single incident is very close to you.

I absolutely could not agree more, I have Guides who when I take them on Guide camp for the first time at 10 have never and I mean never played out in the street or unsupervised.

My daughter and I were in the supermarket on a Saturday afternoon few weeks ago and we were at the till and she asked if she could walk home as she fancied a walk. It is about 2 miles along main town roads so I said of course she could. The cashier was horrified and said there would be no way she would let her 16 year old daughter walk through town on her own! My K is 13 but looks older but even so. I actually stood there with my mouth open, I could not believe that she did not let her 16 year old out through town on her own.

katieowl_2

Popperwell wrote: »

The problem planting something is having to leave it behind if I move and again the new neighbours may get rid or it. Then again just like buildings nothing stays the same and all of us are just passing through in the end...

When my lovely Goggie boy died in London I couldn't bear to part with him, especially as we were intending to move in the next year or two. I've got his ashes in a box in my cupboard, and he will be joined by any other dogs over time, and when I go they are all coming with me on a final walk over the hills or one of the beaches here :A I still fret over DS's ratties, cos' we did bury them in the garden...I'm probably a weirdo

Anyway back to T***o... I got surveyed when I left Mr T. yesterday!!! Apparently our Sainsbugs is due to open in April, and they wanted to know what improvements to the store would ensure my continued custom. Methinks they are a bit worried!!!
I was really looking forward to red label teabags coming to Cardigan, but I've just about weaned myself on to Clipper. Tea is my one luxury these days - sad but true.

Anyone watch the Bakeoff this week? I made some of those Aberffraw biscuits that were pressed into shells last night. I thought they might do well on the cake stall being Welsh and all. They were very tasty, I managed to save a few from DS and OH to see how well they kept, as I'm trying to find a few things to stock that don't need to be made the day before the market. So far I've got Fudge and Bara Brith...suggestions VERY welcome!

Kate

grandma247

kezlou wrote: »

I like to know exactly where they are. Ds1 is 12 and although he goes to town with his friends there no way id let him go by himself.

I pretty much always knew where my kids were and where they were going even at 18 but not in a possessive way. They were just good at letting me know.

valk_scot wrote: »

Obviously where you live influences how close you keep the kids but really, you can't lock them up till they're 18 and leave home, that would mean they didn't have a clue as to how to keep themselves safe on the streets. I think of the leash as an extending one, you let it out a little bit more every year in a controlled way until it's barely there at all. Of course you also have to be confident in the sensibleness of your children, there are some that are ditzy or have no sense of danger or are rebelious or just plain disobedient. But also kids nowadays don't tend to go places alone, it's normal for them to hang out and go places in groups and they look out for one another.

Must get on with the day. But freedom for kids, within limits, is something I feel strongly about. How the heck are they going to grow up with any degree of self reliance if we don't give them the chance to practice it? Child abduction is statistically no more common now than in the 70's when I was a girl, it's just that the media reporting of every incident makes it sound more common and that every single incident is very close to you.

I do agree with this which is why I used to teach my kids how to be safe.

We do now live in a town where all kinds goes on under the surface and added to huge drug and alcohol abuse along with certain other things which I can't mention here it is not a safe place for anyone to live. People are robbed and accosted in broad daylight. Even people who don't live here pick up the atmosphere.

It is my grandchildren I worry about now but their parents are very sensible. The ones that live near are allowed to walk to my home together in daylight and mum phones to let me know they are coming and used to phone to make sure they got here, I would phone if they did not arrive in good time now. If it is dark we take them home.

rosieben wrote: »

great post valk.
I so agree with that SH, I was abused by a member of my extended family and it totally skewed my understanding of boundaries and relationships for many years. Its important for kids to be empowered, to understand they don't have to put up with things that make them uncomfortable. That applies just as much in the home as outside it.

The trouble is it is not just extended members of a family that are abusers. This is more problematic to deal with when it comes to warning children but Tawny said the right thing in her post about anything covered by underwear. I used to talk to my girls when they were little when they were in the bath and that was one of the things I told them.