make do and mend for tougher times

emalou88

I'm really relieved Mum chose to have them back as for me in a strange way I'm glad he's back home.
I think it stems from nobody knowing where Dad had been taken after the accident, who recovered his body, where he was or anything (we did find out the next day but didn't know for 24 hours) and that really distressed me. Now it turns out they took him to our local hospital mortuary.

It's strange but I'm pleased he's here and 'back with us.' at home where he belongs. That's just my personal feelings. Mum didn't tell us for ages as she thought we'd be upset but I'm really relieved.

Popperwell

Grandma247,
When I have had to walk late at night lately, I may dislike it but like Pooky's daughter I have felt reasonably calm, collected and ultra aware of the situation.

And probably had a similar way of trying to carry myself. And the two towns I have been in(the centre of)I have not felt in real danger perhaps I felt more scared in my own town. All places seem quite deserted but I feel a bit safer in the neighbouring town's where there is a little bit more a nightlife but it's not what it was...

I don't know if this is through choice or a lack of money.

Popperwell

Mrs_Chip wrote: »

We have MiL ashes with us here too, as OH cold not face the scattering. And my lovely cat that was run over. Whe current mog goes he will be added to the collection. We will all prob all go together up in a big firework, but hopefully not for a bit yet!

emalou88 wrote: »

I'm really relieved Mum chose to have them back as for me in a strange way I'm glad he's back home.
I think it stems from nobody knowing where Dad had been taken after the accident, who recovered his body, where he was or anything (we did find out the next day but didn't know for 24 hours) and that really distressed me. Now it turns out they took him to our local hospital mortuary.

It's strange but I'm pleased he's here and 'back with us.' at home where he belongs. That's just my personal feelings. Mum didn't tell us for ages as she thought we'd be upset but I'm really relieved.

In some ways being able to talk about "Anything" even so personal helps and calms us(I know it does me)and we realise how we feel much the same and you can't make yourself behave a certain way, it probably does more harm bottling it up and not talking. As Ginny said earlier some of us don't see other people in a day and so spend a lot of time alone.

What I would say when you lose someone suddenly or if you care for someone, probably one of the worst things is how even the people/organisations just seem to disappear and they don't ask how you are. Suddenly you've had everything to do often 24/7 and then suddenly...nothing!

And more and more of us often not through choice do live alone. Many of us don't have the family/relatives any more.

kidcat

emalou88 wrote: »

Would also like to add I'm 24 and even when I'm driving the 3 minute car journey back home I have to text my Mum to let her know I'm home.

If she drops me off she waits to leave until I'm in the house. You can't win though because then I worry about her getting home.

I think everyone in my family has gone safety mad since the accident! I must admit I'm a massive worrier and this has only made me worse.

I am older than you emalou and have an almost 18 yo DD, yet I still have to call my parents when I go out at night, and if OH goes to theirs he has to call them too when he arrives home - he finds it most disconcerting. If the kids go out late I have to call my dad when I have picked them up or when they have arrived back

craigywv

emalou88 wrote: »

Would also like to add I'm 24 and even when I'm driving the 3 minute car journey back home I have to text my Mum to let her know I'm home.

If she drops me off she waits to leave until I'm in the house. You can't win though because then I worry about her getting home.

I think everyone in my family has gone safety mad since the accident! I must admit I'm a massive worrier and this has only made me worse.

im 40 married with a child and still get timed driving from mums house to mine by my dad! usually phone ringing as i opening the door so you never stop being worried about no matter what age you are ,my son is 9 and only recntly have i allowed him out to play some peeps say i over protective i dont care i live in a big city quite central to the town and ANYTHING can happen luckily where i live i surrounded by pensioners bungalows and no through roads thats reason i sold last house when son came along we were on a main road. He hasnt missed out on friends as he goes to every after club mentionable. But he did come home today saying he was told about April in assembly and asked me why would that man want to take her,what do you say to a child that believes in santa and me and his dad are his best friends in the world i dont want to lose his innocence before his time i just said he probally doesnt have kids of his own and wanted a child.HIS SCHOOL IS VERY HIGH UP ON STRANGER DANGER sorry caps lock on there ! but warning him about strangers and the usual dont get into cars i dont know what else i can tell him without scaring him . Ijust hope they find the little girl and he can see that good things can also happen out of bad.

nuatha

craigywv wrote: »

i was thinking maybe as Lidl are everywhere over here Aldi dont want the competion but in saying that tescoos and sains are side by side in most areas also so dont understand why no Aldi, Netto,Morrisons,or wilkinsons

I'm fairly sure its not the competition that puts them off.
Its fairly common in my neck of the woods to have them fairly close together. Before the demise of Netto I had all three of them within 5 or 6 minutes walk as well as an Asda, Morrisons and Wilkinsons in the town centre.
I suspect the stumbling block is finding sufficient viable sites to make a distribution centre worthwhile, then sorting the logistics out. Hopefully Aldi's recently announced expansion plans bear fruit for you.

valk_scot wrote: »

You don't have to scatter them or have a memorial, you know, you can just bring them home and keep them with you if you like. Then you could leave instructions in your own will to have both your and your mother's ashes scattered together, perhaps? Or is that a bit odd?

Doesn't sound odd to me, I think its a lovely suggestion to make.

I'm a bit peculiar about ashes, I now have the ashes of three deceased relatives and four cats in the house simply because I prefer to have them here rather than anywhere else. (I think the cat ashes might be going under the next tree I plant though.) The relatives? I'll get round to doing something with them one day I expect, I'll know when it's right.

Whereas I'm just peculiar.
Giving yourself time to know what is right and when sounds perfect to me.
Our veg garden gained a flower bed when we lost our last cat and will probably gain another when its time for his brother to join him.

emalou88

kidcat wrote: »

I am older than you emalou and have an almost 18 yo DD, yet I still have to call my parents when I go out at night, and if OH goes to theirs he has to call them too when he arrives home - he finds it most disconcerting. If the kids go out late I have to call my dad when I have picked them up or when they have arrived back

It's a good thing to do, we've always been like this but we are just so cautious now after everything that's happened.

It's a nightmare when my brother goes out on the raz as my Mum will literally wait up till he's in. She can't sleep till he is. I'm the same when they used to go away - as soon as I found out he was going out I would wait up too!

Popperwell

Often music brings back memories for me...any version of "Can't help Falling in love with you" Now it is Joe Brown singing the beautifully simplistic version of "I'll see you in my dreams"(I saw him on Monday night and he finished his concert with that)I felt reasonably ok but did have a tear in my eye.

Funnily enough she mentioned when she was very young there was a neighbour or friend of her Mum or Dad had one of those old fashioned record players and she always asked to hear the "Laughing Policeman" and I can imagine her lovely smile and laughing eyes, it has been said Mum did not just smile from the mouth.

I mention that as some of it has just been on the radio can you believe...

grandma247

I know this view will probably be unpopular but "innocence" will get a child hurt or killed. Children do not live in fairy land. We need to arm even little children with some tools to keep them safe. It is much better to be frank with them to keep them safe.

I have deleted a lot of my post because this is a distressing subject.

valk_scot

My mum worked from the day I went to secondary school and didn't get in till 6pm. So my elder sister and I walked home (we were at differenbt schools), got changed, Sis went out for any shopping required and the two of us would do any housework that needed done and make the dinner for Mum and Dad getting home at 6pm. We were 11 and 13 when that started, it was no big deal tbh. Yet I look at my kids now, 11 and 16 and I can't quite imagine me doing the same with them tbh, even though DS is a very sensible 16. I think though kids seem much older in many ways nowadays re things like drinking, sex, drugs and sophistication, in other ways they're far younger, less able to take responsibilty for themselves. How does that happen?