make do and mend for tougher times

craigywv

grandma247 wrote: »

I know this view will probably be unpopular but "innocence" will get a child hurt or killed. Children do not live in fairy land. We need to arm even little children with some tools to keep them safe. It is much better to be frank with them to keep them safe.

I have deleted a lot of my post because this is a distressing subject.

i agree with you 100 % and believe them knowing is a very important thing its just how much can i say without having my son a jibbering wreck when he goes out so have limited what i tell him about certain subjects im not sheilding him from life just being a bit more delicate around certain subjects until i know he understands what i am talking about learns in school certain things etc xxx

VJsmum

My DD stopped going to the childminder at 13 and just let herself in on the 2 days a week I am not there. DS stopped at 11 and DD was in charge on those 2 days (she was 14 by then). Now DD is at school a lot further away so DS (13) comes home alone for 2 days. I still beat myself up about it though.

I also agree with Grandma that they shouldn't be shielded from the bad things that happen - it won't help them stay safe. I have never hidden the news from my 2 - even though some of it is unpleasant and answered any questions that arose. Sometimes it wasn't all that pleasant or comfortable (explaining rape to a 7 year old) but necessary. At the same time reassuring them that these things are rare and not for them to worry about unduly. I remember after 7/7 my DS was walking round with a rucksack saying he was a London bomber. I stopped him but actually now don't think I should have - acting it out was his way of assimilating it (is that the word I mean?)

prepareathome

http://www.muchloved.com

Pops why not do an on-line memorial for your mum, you can then pass the page to friends so they can contribute. I mention this one as its the one I used for mum, not done one for dad yet and they gave me 10 years free and it will only cost £5 to keep it going basically as long as there is an internet.

When I miss her and want to talk to her I go there and leave a message or add more about her life, barely scratched the surface but its to painful still to do much at once.

One day I hope to do one for my daughter but even after 30 years that is still to raw but I want to make myself do it so knowledge that she lived lives on for a a baby she touched so few lives so will quickly be forgotten when we go.

Hugs and Love to allxxx

so lovely having a working keyboard:)

Popperwell

We always checked on each other as a family and I think it is nice. Enjoy it whilst you are able.

It's difficult Grandma...not sure there is an answer that's right!

CraigyWV the good is the way everyone has pulled together as most people will and there are thankfully some wonderful people around more than we realise but our modern lifestyle has spoilt such a lot.

Of course not all families are the way we believe and are close but I think and hope that is rare and that we are more loving and caring. I hope it will turn out well but I do fear the worst regarding April.

You get surprised though, peple that you may think are not the emotional type are...

There is a rock programme on the radio and Led Zepplin's Robert Plant is being interviewed and yet he has played a songs that mean something to him and amongst the rock he has had music by the Salvation Army group from years ago(anyone remember them?)The Joy Strings. We have also had Mario Lanza. It is so easy to judge what someone may be like.

GreyQueen

valk_scot wrote: »

My mum worked from the day I went to secondary school and didn't get in till 6pm. So my elder sister and I walked home (we were at differenbt schools), got changed, Sis went out for any shopping required and the two of us would do any housework that needed done and make the dinner for Mum and Dad getting home at 6pm. We were 11 and 13 when that started, it was no big deal tbh. Yet I look at my kids now, 11 and 16 and I can't quite imagine me doing the same with them tbh, even though DS is a very sensible 16. I think though kids seem much older in many ways nowadays re things like drinking, sex, drugs and sophistication, in other ways they're far younger, less able to take responsibilty for themselves. How does that happen?

Yeah, I've kinda noticed that. Teens nowadays look so sophisticated and stylish and are amazingly clued-up on a lot of stuff but in many ways they come across as very jejune for their years compared to my lot who were teens 30-35 years ago.

What I see a lot through work and my neighbourhood is flats being let to very young adults, 18 through to the mid-twenties seems to be the troublesome age. They figure that now they have their own home away from their parents they can do what the heck they like and treat it like a party pad. The trouble sets in when they forget that having your own home means responsibilites, like paying the rent (or successfully maintaining a HB claim), budgetting for bills and acting with a modicum of consideration towards your neighbours.

We have several newish neighbours of that stripe now, and they seem to be partying hard and heaven knows how they are affording that. A lot of them will end up in disarray and losing their flats; you can almost predict the outcome from Day One, having seen it so many times before.

You're on a hiding to nowhere trying to tell them anything and I wouldn't dream of trying; they'll have to work it out for themselves and end up a wee bit older and a lot wiser.

Pops, SuperGran's church has a small Garden of Remembrance where people can inter their relatives' ashes and plant a single significant plant (roses are very popular) and it provides a quiet place where people can go and sit on the bench and contemplate. Don't know if your late mother was a religious lady or if that's something which would be comfortable to you.

Popperwell

prepareathome wrote: »

http://www.muchloved.com

Pops why not do an on-line memorial for your mum, you can then pass the page to friends so they can contribute. I mention this one as its the one I used for mum, not done one for dad yet and they gave me 10 years free and it will only cost £5 to keep it going basically as long as there is an internet.

When I miss her and want to talk to her I go there and leave a message or add more about her life, barely scratched the surface but its to painful still to do much at once.

One day I hope to do one for my daughter but even after 30 years that is still to raw but I want to make myself do it so knowledge that she lived lives on for a a baby she touched so few lives so will quickly be forgotten when we go.

Hugs and Love to allxxx

so lovely having a working keyboard:)

I am wishing that I knew more about Mum or paid more attention to her life, it just never came up in conversation much just as the last 20-30 years we did not take many photo's. But you can't go back, nice idea PAH.

The problem is a lack of family and friends...if I had not written so much on my blog as it happened, even what happened in the last year seems hazy and I am still having trouble remembering Mum's voice and what we talked about. I don't know if that is a way of coping or whether things will come back to me.

Then again a lot of what I did as a child I don't seem to remember.

Popperwell

GreyQueen wrote: »

Pops, SuperGran's church has a small Garden of Remembrance where people can inter their relatives' ashes and plant a single significant plant (roses are very popular) and it provides a quiet place where people can go and sit on the bench and contemplate. Don't know if your late mother was a religious lady or if that's something which would be comfortable to you.

Mum never lost her faith and used to get great comfort from it. I think they allow you to plant a rose tree at the crem but I just don't know...I have three or four weeks before I go and discuss things with them but I think they want it sorted out now after almost six months.

If I want to pay nothing they will do it on the day whilst I am there and I think they put the ashes under the lawn. They don't scatter...

I hope that I have a faith but if I go to church I feel good but I do find myself wondering and questioning but in time I may find my faith will return.

My local church said I could have Mum mentioned in the book of rememberance on the town which is only approx 5-10 minutes from where I live to save trying to go to the crem which is a bit difficult bus wise or without using a taxi(£10 each way)though Mum is worth more than money.

But I would have to see if that is free or you pay a fee but I don't think it is anywhere near the price the crem is charging.

Popperwell

Tomorrow we'll probably talk of happier things, thanks for sharing, you never know how things will go...from supermarkets, worries about income, work, watching over loved one's and seeing they remain safe to this topic and yet it all ties in with the OS lifestyle...

MrsCD

Sorry, it's too late to read all today's posts, but I thought I would share this with everyone.

http://www.suzylamplugh.org/personal-safety/information-for-children-and-young-people/

The quizzes are very good and aimed at different ages.

Good to see you back PAH

SpikyHedgehog

fuddle wrote: »

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I have an OS confession to make. I bought some hovis from the shop and want to keep buying air filled shop bread. I loved, and so did the girls, the floppyness, smoothness of it. I know... how dare I swear on here lol Please forgive me!

Fuddle, if that's the bread you all prefer, then that's the one to get - just make sure you get it on good offers !

savingqueen wrote: »

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Personally (and I do hope I'm not offending anyone here, please forgive me if I do) I think young children should not be playing out at 7pm especially with the nights drawing in. Also shouldn't be allowed to play far from their home. My two don't play out as too dangerous with our road and no-one for them to play out with anyway. DS1 is very sensible but can't expect him to be responsible for DS2, a 5 year old and a not always sensible 5 year old at that. They go to a school out of catchment (our choice as school is much better than the nearest) and all the kids down our road bar one family who live opposite (and also don't play out and younger kids go to our school) go the nearest school. Some of these children have parents whose parenting styles differ wildly from ours. They are allowed to play out in pouring rain in pitch black on scooters and bikes in the road. When one wouldn't come in the other day, mum shouted out "don't come in then you f***ing c***!" and slammed the door shut. Made me feel sick to the stomach hearing a child spoken, well shouted to like that.

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sq:)

Ah, you live near me... Actually, geographically, you do as I'm over the border in Suffolk. DS2 opened his bedroom window at 9 o'clock one night and said to the 2 boys playing football outside our house 'Can you be quiet please, I'm trying to go to sleep, and you should be in bed too!' They were then all 6, and the other 2 lads live round the corner so though we are in a cul-de-sac, there's no way their parents can see them when they're outside my house.

prepareathome wrote: »

5pm and postman has just been and he brought my little usb keyboard:D so its plugged in and sitting across laptop keyboard and is working :

These past few weeks I have felt as if I was talking with hands tied behind my back as its amazing how many words contain t and even y. I had to write down what I wanted to type then type it as all the type then stop to use on-screen keyboard would make me forget what I was typing, my mind is no where near as agile as it was and this was sheer torture. I had given up sending emails or posting almost completely.

Laptop is failing even more -clock keeps going wrong but hopefully now this keyboard will keep it going until I can pick up a cheap one or get lucky on freecycle. Most likely will be simple to fix but its never worked properly since I bought it last year, I was asked to take it back but hubby had to many bowls matches to fit in taking me for over a month and they would only do a swap in first 28 days so I have nursed it ever since, lost track of how many times I have had to reformat and reinstall windows 7 oh well at least it makes sure I have everything backed up:rotfl:. Software I understand but not hardware.

One thing have discovered under the insurance they come and collect it and bring it back but still saying could be gone 3 months or so and not quite sure could live that long just using phone or kindle.

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Hugs and Love to allxxx

Welcome to your new keyboard, PAH! :rotfl:

VJsmum, the first time your children come home on their own is so scary, I know... I guess I'd do some dry runs with DD at 5pm if possible so you can rehearse with her what the risks are and how to minimise them?

DS1 has been taking himself to & home from school since the beginning of Year 5 when he was nearly 10. I was so nervous the first day, I phoned the school to check he was in, & of course his class was the only 1 the register wasn't back from :cool:. He was fine though.

DS2 wants to walk himself to school, but the roads are not at all pedestrian friendly, and even the lollypop lady's gone now. And he's a different personality from DS1... It will be a long time before I can feel DS2 would be able to safely take himself to school & home, he still does not look before he crosses the road, and has little idea about 'tricky people'.