make do and mend for tougher times

[Deleted User]

It's not at all silly, it's why we're human it's because we can love them unconditionally and miss them when they pass on. It's the best bit of human nature coming into play and we're probably better beings because of it! Cheers Lyn xxx.

grandma247

Well done Lyn

fuddle

Power Shortage risks by 2015, Ofgem warns (BBC)

valk_scot

I had a nice experience last night. My OH gone out and about an hour later the buzzer sounded upstairs. Voice muttered "...your keys..." so I went downstairs to the main door, which opens right out onto the quite busy street. And in the lock of the door hung my OHs keys and in front of the door stood a large and menacing person of the genus Ned, a Scottish Hoodie/Oik/scarey teenage bloke of the kind you instinctively don't look at on the street in case he asks you who you're looking at?

Anyway he told me he'd seen the keys in the door, thought it wasn't a good idea because there were "bad lads" around and buzzed up. I expressed my gratitude, my opinion of my numpty OH and said I was much obliged to said Ned, who gave me a quite extraordinarily bashful grin, shuffled his feet a bit and melted off into the darkness.

I related this to my OH when he came in who, after suitable grovelling over being a numpty, said the boy couldn't have actually been a Ned after all but a decent upright citizen with a degree of social responsibility. Which is absolutely true, we're far too quick to judge by appearences, myself included. Anyway, I was thinking about it today and I must say it makes me feel a bit better about the world in general. There are bad lads of course but they're not all bad.

Tawny75

They certainly are not, I remember when K was small going through a railway station as we had to swap trains. I had a sleeping 3 year old and a suitcase and a bag, and the only person who offered help was a shaved head, tattoo wielding, hoody wearing teenager! He was lovely, I have tried so hard never to judge books by their covers since that day.

mardatha

Val, my eldest son has a shaven head, has tattoos, is a biker, and works as a team leader in security. Yet he's the most gentle tolerant person I've ever known. He won't walk past a homeless person in the street without a kind word and often goes to the nearest cafe and gets them a hot drink. When I make to hurry past them, he reminds me they too are somebody's father/brother/son, and they have a story to tell. He's a fabulous artist with a superbly delicate eye for colour, and his heroes are people like Michaelangelo and Monet. He taught me never to pre-judge!
EDITED- he shaves the bonce because he's going bald and hates it. Has tattoos because he used to run a tattoo studio and does his own, and has a bike because we always had bikes & they were brought up with them..

Byatt

valk_scot wrote: »

I live in a medium sized, very bustling town, lots of families, four primary schools and the district secondary. It's a small enough place to make taking the car out for the school run a waste of time in most cases though of course the working parents with jobs to on go to afterwards (justified) the parents of multiple small kids or kids with special needs (justified) and the parents of the special snowflakes that can't possibly be expected to walk (far too many, completely selfish) still manage to turn the local roads into mayhem at that time. Still, over half the local primary school kids and 90% of the grammar school kids walk to school which is pretty good in this day and age. The schools encourage this wholeheartedly, there are designated routes through the town that the kids are encouraged to use.

So by the time the kids get to seven or so they're well used to the route to school and well used to walking it. DS started doing it himself on his seventh birthday but given there were a couple of hundred kids plus half that number of parents walking the same route just outside our door it was as safe as it was going to get tbh. When his sister was 6 and he was 11 they went together, then when he went to the grammar I walked with her till her seventh birthday and then she walked by herself.

Except she wasn't, by herself, not really, there were always classmates around, other parents with younger kids, older kids that she knew by sight. And most of the time she spots someone she knows before she turns the first corner and walks down with them. I think that the expression "walking on his/her own" often conjures up a vision of a terrified and lonely child walking through darkened alleyways and isolated parks and crossing four lane motorways, populated by drunks, child molesters and gangs of thugs. While in reality for many kids it's a ten or fifteen minute walk via suburban pavements in the company of dozens of others doing exactly the same.

I think it's good for them to get out and about in this controlled way, it encourages them to use their own wits a bit in a relatively safe situation. DD is 11 now, she's allowd to go out to visit and play with friends in a strictly controlled area. She takes her phone, she texts me to keep me abreast of her movements. she has to be home when shes told, she doesn't stay out too late or after dark, she's had every lecture and lesson going about keeping herself safe and stranger danger. Next spring/summer I'll be allowing her to walk down into the High Street with a pal, next year at this time she'll be walking to the grammar. By the time she's 14 she'll be going with her friends on the bus to the local shopping centre, by 15/16 she'll be doing the same as her brother does which is going into Edinburgh on the train or bus for the day, or Glasgow even, and not having to be home till 8pm or so. But always in a group, never on her own, and lots of contact via texts. Late nights, like concerts? Her dad or I come and pick him/her and the friends up.

Obviously where you live influences how close you keep the kids but really, you can't lock them up till they're 18 and leave home, that would mean they didn't have a clue as to how to keep themselves safe on the streets. I think of the leash as an extending one, you let it out a little bit more every year in a controlled way until it's barely there at all. Of course you also have to be confident in the sensibleness of your children, there are some that are ditzy or have no sense of danger or are rebelious or just plain disobedient. But also kids nowadays don't tend to go places alone, it's normal for them to hang out and go places in groups and they look out for one another.

And the phones make a huge difference I find, it's worth them having a cheap one from the moment they start going out without you. Yes sure the school may not allow them but that's mostly to stop the kids using them constantly in class or because they won't take responsibility for any theft or damage. A £10 Tesco cheapy stuck firmly in the bottom of the bag and always switched off when in school? I'd argue that one with the school I feel, if they want kids to walk to and from school they have to go with a few precautions. I've always done it anyway and the school has never noticed.

Must get on with the day. But freedom for kids, within limits, is something I feel strongly about. How the heck are they going to grow up with any degree of self reliance if we don't give them the chance to practice it? Child abduction is statistically no more common now than in the 70's when I was a girl, it's just that the media reporting of every incident makes it sound more common and that every single incident is very close to you.

Totally agree Val, and thought I was saying the same thing, but obviously not. Sometimes I feel I'm talking a foreign language on here.

kezlou

I agree with what your saying val, but for me i just couldn't let them go that far as i really fret.

Also where we live we have a lot of people who move about and have about 12 halfway houses with 1/2 mile of us. Also about 30 doors away we have four very busy main roads including motor ways. Cars go down our street at 60 miles an hour and the police won't do a thing

I suffered abuse and so did my male friends so i'm very anxious about everything. Thats why when my eldest goes out he has to have his phone with him.

A friend of mine wouldn't let her son out till he was 16 and never been out on his own later than 4:30pm and he's at college now.
My eldest wants to get a paper round, i said fine as long as you have your phone with you so if anything happens you know you can contact us.

fuddle : i know, let hope we both find something.

monnagran

I know it's being frivolous but reading these posts reminds me of a conversation I once had with a ten year old girl in my class.
'Mrs C. I know what a pervert is.'
Me. 'Oh, really. And who told you?'
Child. 'My Daddy.'
Me. (who knew that the daddy in question was unlikely to have given a sensible definition,) And what did Daddy tell you?
Child. 'A pervert is a man who eats children.'
Before I can comment on this staggering information another child breaks in.
Other Child. 'Oh. I thought that a man who eats children is called a Cannonball.'

Fuddle: Be very, very cautious about attempting toffee apples. I tried it once with a class of children and no way could we get the toffee to stick to the apples. We scrubbed the apples. Still the toffee slid off. We sandpapered the apples, (yes, really,) Still no success. In the end we poured toffee on to some foil, stuck the apples in the pool of toffee and quickly wrapped the foil round the apples. I believe I was not popular with mothers as when the foil was removed the toffee flowed freely.
The next week we made chocolate crispy cakes.

Whoever lives in my cottage now will find little patches of bulbs growing all over the place. Each being a flowery quilt for a beloved deceased pet.

You could never be scared of heavily tattoed skinheads if you had ever held one in your arms while he sobbed because he had lost his dog, or because you had made him a little knitted chick, or because he just hated his life.

Still praying for that dear little girl, but in my heart fear that the news, when it comes, will not be good.

x

fuddle

My eldest is 8 now and only just learning, with me right there, how to cross a road. Other children in her class are crossing main roads and walking to school without their parents. For me, this is not acceptable for my daugher/for me but I understand that I do have to let her go albeit at a pace that is comfortable for me and safe for her. I'm now at the stage where i'll stand with her to cross the road outside of school, allow her to decide when it's safe to do so (with me there in case it's not) then she walks along to school with me watching until she walks through the school gates. I will continue to do this for the rest of the year, when she's in year 4 I will then gradually allow her to walk more and more of the way herself.

I'm not in the wrong for what I do as much as the parents who allow their 8 year olds to walk through the village unaccompanied are not in the wrong. It's wholly personal to a parent and their circumstances. I am lucky in that I am at home with my children, other mums have to leave for work etc.

I have always said DD will have a mobile phone when she is 11 and goes to comprehensive school. That brings other issues though, as in working for her credit to use personally along with making sure there's always credit available for emergencies. How do you deal with that one?

Byatt you did say the same thing yesterday. You were the one I resonated with because you were so worried about your DD, had experiences in the past but knew you had to let your DD go, done in a controlled way for her sake. I think that's what I'm doing, I just have to take very baby steps x

More banking customers can't access their money this afternoon. I still don't have any cash, always use my card to pay but seriously, I'm keeping cash in doors now because this just beggars belief