Is the naughty step enough? What did your parents do?

Ellejmorgan

Yes it is because it affects the part of the brain that is connected to abandonment..
When the technique is done right then it is very effective,
the problem is many parents don't do the technique right....

Here is the foolproof technique...

For example the child won't tidy up...Say this at eye level..

1st warning..tidy up or you're going on the naughty step..
2nd warning tidy up or you're going on the naughty step
3rd and last warning tidy up or your going on the naughty step..

If child hasn't responded say right you are now going on the naughty step, this is the point where you must do it..

Place child on step and say you must think about what is the right and wrong thing N/a in a younger child..
Wait one minute per year, shut all doors in hallway don't allow anyone upstairs or nearby, no distractions..

After time go back to child and ask them what they did that was wrong, and tell them they must do the task next.. in a younger child just get them to say sorry..
Cuddle your child, and get them to do task..

Bad behaviour must not be referred to again, child is sorry and it's done..

This works better than any other sanction because it gives child the chance to put behaviour right first..

This will work until the age of 7-8..

Also sanctions do not work properly if more than one is used only ever take ipod or only naughty step...as it undermines your authority and makes you look like you have no control..


I was taught these skills by a very clever professional. and i'm also on my 5th child !!
Sounds complex but isn't if done in this way, now I only give a first warning..


Hope this helps someone..

carolan78

Naughty step/time out didn't work with my DD. Instead she has consequences. She knows if she carries on misbehaving once she has been asked to stop they'll be a bad consequence (usually a favourite toy removed for a period of time or if the behaviour warranted an early bedtime). If she stops when asked she gets a sticker. She is now 6 and this has worked for the last year my DS is too young to understand this method at 4 but the time out works for him right now. He hates not been able to play/run around.

Lotus-eater

PinkLipgloss wrote: »

Ah - the old "...but I used to XYZ, or XYZ... happened to me" debate.

A common re-occuring theme when someone suggests change.

I would argue you turned into a responsible adult DESPITE how you were punished.

I'm not arguing, I am merely pointing out what has happened.

I happen to use the naughty step with my kids, it worked on my older DD, it has no effect seemingly on my DS 3.

Redouble

I don't train my children, they're not animals

I personally dislike coercion techniques (be good or else this happens, or be good and i'll give you X, Y, Z ) and dislike naughty step type disciplines

I am firm, relatively strict, but also easy going and I don't sweat the small stuff. Kids are kids, they make mess, they're loud and they make mistakes. We chat about it, sometimes I shout and scream (they are 6, 4 and 2.5 and my husband's job means I'm a single parent a lot, so I have days where I want to run far away ), but once we have all calmed down I explain why I flipped out - ie what we all may have done to contribute.

I believe that respect is a 2 way street and I do my best to treat them as I like to be treated. Yes it doesn't always go to plan, but I'm human and I make mistakes too. My children know this and we roll along as best we can. My children are kind, polite, safe when out and about and that is what is most important.

This is how I do it anyway

ETA - with my eldest we use 'natural consequences' - so if it's get dressed, we're off out to the stables, if she doesn't get dressed, she doesn't go. Early days though as she's just got to an age that she gets it (different for every child)
S
xx

PinkLipgloss

I'm not denying that it works in immediately addressing and correcting behaviour - I know it "works" with children just as Pavlov demonstrated with his dogs and pigeons!

My argument is that it is the not the correct way to deal with children and that it results in conditioning their behaviour and leads to "conditional parenting" - causing children to act in certain ways to please/obey their parents - not because it is the right thing to do.

raven83

sweetme wrote: »

She would take her slipper off, boy was I fast at running up the stairs

That sounds familiar :rotfl:

Redouble

Ellejmorgan wrote: »

Yes it is because it affects the part of the brain that is connected to abandonment..

Personally (and I don't mean offence by this, truly)
the idea of disciplining my child by using their fear of abandonment to my advantage upsets me, I hadn't actually thought of it that way, but reading that first bit of your post it rather upset me.
I am sure many will think me weak or such like, but I would be very upset if for example, each time I did something my husband didn't like, he would threaten to leave me. How would that leave our relationship? *disclaimer, I know it cannot be directly compared, but it is a comparison that came to mind.*

aliasojo

I remember getting whacked on the bum at a bus stop in the middle of Edinburgh whilst going to visit my Gran on a Sunday.

I think my 'crime'was that I refused to stand with my Mum in the bus shelter and went and sat on a doorstep instead.

Oh yes, I was an evil kid, me. :rotfl:

I daresay I'd done more than that but that was what pushed her over the edge.

I tell my lot that they're not too big to slap, but they know the reality is that I wouldn't slap them at all. It's just a warning comment to reign their necks in.

I think......different methods work for different kids. However the need for consistency remains the same whatever the method, that's the key part of it all.

skintchick

Lotus-eater wrote: »

And then what if they did it straight away again and again.

Would you have no sort of punishment at all?

I thought time out wasn't supposed to be a punishment?


But to answer your question, if she kept doing it I'd either remove the thing or remove her from the situation but WITH ME. And I do natural consequences like if she won't behave at her swimming lesson I take her home and she misses out on the activity.

But she pretty much always does behave because our method of discipline does work, it just requires effort.

DVardysShadow

PinkLipgloss wrote: »

If you are interested in alternatives - and by that I don't mean tree hugging hippy stuff - then research Alfie Kohn. He has a book I'd recommend called Unconditional Parenting.

Interesting http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfie_Kohn

Kohn has been critical of several aspects of traditional schooling. Classroom management and discipline are, in Kohn's view, focused more on eliciting compliance than on helping students become caring, responsible problem-solvers. He has also denounced the effects of the test-driven "accountability" movement — in general, but particularly on low-income and minority students — arguing that "the more poor children fill in worksheets on command (in an effort to raise their test scores), the further they fall behind affluent kids who are more likely to get lessons that help them understand ideas.