Is the naughty step enough? What did your parents do?

Lotus-eater

skintchick wrote: »

I use a technique I call the no-choice choice. Basically I follow a script that goes:

(child's name), you need to do/stop doing X now.

wait for response, if (when) it is no say:

I can see you're having trouble doing/stopping X right now. I am going to count down from 5, and if you are still having trouble then I will help you to do/stop doing X.

Nine times out of ten DD will do what I have asked by the time I get to '1'. The other times, I simply then help her do or stop doing whatever it is, so put her shoes on her, or take her hand and move her away from something, or whatever.

So how does that work, if say one child is hitting another.
Do you do the same thing then?

12sapphire

I always had a good hiding and then sent to bed.

When I had children of my own I started disciplining them as they got beyond toddler age with a slap across the back of the leg. Then I found just shouting and sending them to their rooms worked better. After about half an hour I would go up to their room and explain to them why they had made me so cross. Always finished our talk by telling them I loved them.

PinkLipgloss

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

If you really want a child to seethe quietly or to just seethe in general the one way to achieve it is to give them a spank with no warning. Which is what I often got.

But is that REALLY what we should be wanting to do to our children? I certainly don't, nor do I want him to be a spoilt brat either.

Shouldn't we, as parents, focus on the long-term goal of our children becoming responsible, caring, thoughtful adults?

I think we should working with children not spanking them. IMO they should not be punished and rewarded, there should be a focus on motives and values that underlie behavior.

skintchick

Lotus-eater wrote: »

So how does that work, if say one child is hitting another.
Do you do the same thing then?

No. In those kinds of cases I would just intervene, by separating the children or removing a child from a dangerous thing, and say 'we do not hit/touch the fire/play with matches'.

If age-appropriate I would follow that up with an explanation of why, just a brief one.

Lotus-eater

PinkLipgloss wrote: »

But is that REALLY what we should be wanting to do to our children? I certainly don't, nor do I want him to be a spoilt brat either.

Shouldn't we, as parents, focus on the long-term goal of our children becoming responsible, caring, thoughtful adults?

I think we should working with children not spanking them. IMO they should not be punished and rewarded, there should be a focus on motives and values that underlie behavior.

While I mostly agree with you, I would be remiss to point out that we have all seemingly turned out to be responsible, caring, thoughtful adults.

Lotus-eater

skintchick wrote: »

No. In those kinds of cases I would just intervene, by separating the children or removing a child from a dangerous thing, and say 'we do not hit/touch the fire/play with matches'.

If age-appropriate I would follow that up with an explanation of why, just a brief one.

And then what if they did it straight away again and again.

Would you have no sort of punishment at all?

BitterAndTwisted

PinkLipgloss wrote: »

But is that REALLY what we should be wanting to do to our children? I certainly don't, nor do I want him to be a spoilt brat either.

Shouldn't we, as parents, focus on the long-term goal of our children becoming responsible, caring, thoughtful adults?

I think we should working with children not spanking them. IMO they should not be punished and rewarded, there should be a focus on motives and values that underlie behavior.

Crikey! I really should have searched for an "irony" emoticon or suchlike for the hard of reasoning.......

PinkLipgloss

Lotus-eater wrote: »

While I mostly agree with you, I would be remiss to point out that we have all seemingly turned out to be responsible, caring, thoughtful adults.

Ah - the old "...but I used to XYZ, or XYZ... happened to me" debate.

A common re-occuring theme when someone suggests change.

I would argue you turned into a responsible adult DESPITE how you were punished.

As a teacher I have read a lot of research about behaviour and behaviour management and I don't agree with most peoples opinions as they tend to focus on repeating how they were treated growing up and take comfort from the fact they turned out "okay".

Research indicates that it is not the best way to treat children.

Take education itself and how that has dramatically changed. When I was at school most of my learning involved textbooks and working on my own. If I did that as a student teacher I would not have qualified as a teacher. However, DESPITE my experiences as a pupil in the 1980s I passed all of my exams and went on to do well at university. That does not mean I should teach my pupils how I was taught as I know there are more EFFECTIVE ways to teach and learn.

Hiddenidenity

My mum hit me my dad never did, he didnt need to, he had a look he gave you knew you'd crossed the lines.

I use the naughty step well no time out actually but I suppose its the same thing. It doesnt often resort to time out becuase a warning is enough. I think what works for one doesnt work for the other.

My 3 year old gets warning, reminded, naughty step for 3 mins where I explain why hes there and why he did wrong. He says sorry kisses and thats it "forgotten" but like I say its very very rare he needs warning more than once.

Now my one year old I can see she will be a battle

Oh and he has had a smacked hand when he was younger and he insisted on touching the oven door but I wouldnt smack him for genral punishment of being silly/backchat

sassyblue

I think all methods work but not on every child, the trick is finding what 'clicks' with your child, mine has never responded to the naughty step/thinking spot but the threat of his treats being stopped works wonders, he doesn't get endless treats but the idea they may stop is enough. . I do the 'no choice, choice' give a warning and explain why then count to 3.

As a child I would get shouted at or the slipper. If l was really naughty l had to fetch the slipper first, now that was cruel. :rotfl: