Partner problems- stolen money

thorsoak

As a parent, I would be extremely concerned about the children having wet clothes - it isn't their fault that things have gone so sadly wrong between the pair of you.

As a parent what do you think you can do about that? Television isn't essential - but dry clothing is! Offer to collect the washing, do it, get it dry and return it to her? Your children (or at least one child is yours and you say the other one thinks of you as daddy!)

MrTeacher

thegirlintheattic wrote: »

Hang on, what rent did she steal the money for?

Cash put away for our current house- the one I'm now living in on my own. My next (first) pay day will be at the end of September. Fortunately I have a flat screen tv and all the normal non-essentially that I can sell to raise a fair bit of that back, hopefully enough to see me through and give her money for the children until I get my first monthly pay

RAS

MrTeacher wrote: »

and my lad should be in my class in September. Hopefully that'll still happen.

I think you need to be a bit thoughtful about this.

My lad - not - our lad?

Not suggesting that her behaviour is all right or that you should have had had joint accounts but when your partner is "My, me" all the time, it really undermines a soul.

Given also that the lad is not your son by birth, possibly even more so?

MrTeacher

thorsoak wrote: »

As a parent, I would be extremely concerned about the children having wet clothes - it isn't their fault that things have gone so sadly wrong between the pair of you.

As a parent what do you think you can do about that? Television isn't essential - but dry clothing is! Offer to collect the washing, do it, get it dry and return it to her? Your children (or at least one child is yours and you say the other one thinks of you as daddy!)

I am! She won't answer the phone now so I have a vague idea what part of town she is in but no further details to take anything round. Our family friend went to all the meetings today with her but didn't see the flat or hear where it is. It's coming across as a bit of a power play, making me feel really bad but then it's not been raining today so I don't know how they have got wet clothes... it's all a bit anguished in my head now.

pink_princess

So you knew your partner was rubbish with money, drank to much, yet you got her pregnant? :cool:

How often do you check your bank and credit report?

I do mean to sound harsh as you need to see that your choices to ignore the signs got you and your children in to this mess.

Have your feelings towards her changed at all?

MrTeacher

RAS wrote: »

I think you need to be a bit thoughtful about this.

My lad - not - our lad?

Not suggesting that her behaviour is all right or that you should have had had joint accounts but when your partner is "My, me" all the time, it really undermines a soul.

Given also that the lad is not your son by birth, possibly even more so?

A very good point. Sorry, it's the Mancunian in me coming out 'me lad, our kid'. I don't think ive ever talked like that to her; indeed, I rarely spend any cash on my self, my wages have always been dedicated to the family, just paid into my account with me giving cash to her every week.

If she had asked for the money that's been taken I'd have gladly given it to her. As a Dad and partner my life has always been about making my most important people happy- you'll recognise this- because seeing them happy is what brings me the greatest happiness.

On a better note, it looks like I may be shortly dropping off clean clothes. No address yet but going to phone again now and her text indicates she'll answer.

Person_one

MrTeacher wrote: »

Argh nightmare, just had a load more abuse on the phone about how she's not got a telly in this temporary accomodation and the kids have wet clothes. She had the child benefit and £100 a week from me, I paid the rent, bills, holidays etc but kept my pay account in my name as she is awful with money- no credit rating, CCJs etc. I've already been online selling my Xbox and games and a few other bits to cover whatever I need, and my parents albeit retired and on state pensions have offered to help. A lodger is a great idea though, I'll look on gum tree and the like later.

She's asking for 'one more chance' but where can things really go now she's stolen the cash for the rent? There must be other things I don't know about too. On the alcohol front, I've not found any spirit bottles in the house and she has never been good at hiding/disposing them. She didn't drink through the last pregnancy so I've been concerned, but not really put my foot down enough... possibly in anticipation of something happening, I guess.

What a coincidence, a nice juicy plot development that makes her look really bad, and less than 90 minutes after the first post! What are the chances, eh?

MrTeacher

It's the internet, I can understand the cynicism, but if you've ever been through a break up you know how these things develop. I'm fortunate that I haven't got credit on my phone (she has) for a text war.

I'm going to stop 'blogging' this now, I have had some respite, much good advice, and the kids now have clothes, blankets, and the rest.

Thank you everyone.

Ellejmorgan

MrTeacher wrote: »

God, so many important questions. She went to the social who refered her to the council I believe, but it came through them initially. Her family don't want anything to do with her and won't get involved but we have a family friend helping out so I'm being updated. I will be paying CSA or whatever we arrange before it gets that far, and my lad should be in my class in September. Hopefully that'll still happen.

The birth- blimey, how do I even start thinking about that.

Thanks everyone, this is really bringing up things I'd not be thinking about but need to.

It is you duty to help this baby come into the world and at least allow her to recover from the birth, no matter what she's done..
You must have it in your mind that she could need assistance for 6 weeks worst case..
Birth can be very difficult..You must plan for this...

Have you attended any of her appointments with her, at this stage of pregnancy she will have a fair amount, perhaps it will help her feel supported which in turn will benefit you, she may become more approachable...

We all have problems, no one gets it right her drinking is a symptom of something, depression in pregnancy is just as significant as PND, anti-natal depression isn't talked about as much..

I think you'd get much further with her by being supportive she could exclude you from the birth, how would you feel about that ???

Dunroamin

midnightraven3 wrote: »

i read it as they had already split, and 2 days ago he found out about the money

Except what he actually said was,

"Two days ago I found out that my partner has stolen thousands of pounds from my account. I'm a supply teacher starting a permanent job in September and the money was for the rent, food, and days out over the summer. We have a boy, four tomorrow, who is not my child but has always known me as Dad. A girl, a year and a half old, and a baby due at the end of September.

We split due to the fraud and I contacted the police-"