Partner problems- stolen money

MrTeacher

midnightraven3 wrote: »

i read it as they had already split, and 2 days ago he found out about the money

and he was in a house he can no longer afford to pay on his own, their original house

:undecided:undecided

Sorry.. awkward language. I found out two days ago, I told her then that I couldn't be in a relationship without trust, I'm still in our house (my name on the rental agreement, I have always paid the rent on my own) and she's been rehoused. They also said she had a right to live here if she wanted but the guilt is making it hard for her to do anything bar send me abuse, let alone move back in.

debsue

If you are sure that she is drinking and the baby is due in septemeber than this baby will be at risk. I suggest you speak to social services or her midwife and tell them about your concerns. good luck

RAS

MrTeacher wrote: »

INeglect was a tough word to use; I think I really meant that it's going to be tough for her living on basic income support and having two young ones at 'home' whilst being pregnant.

The killer is that she is entitled to claim 15 percent of your salary now and 20 percent once the baby is born - even of the money she has stolen.

What arrangments can you make to have the children for visits, preferably overnight?

If you are desparate for food, then the Trussel trust do food parcels.

Do you have stuff you could put on amazon, e-bay, car boot?

Could you take a short-term lodger (maybe contact the local theatre etc?) I know the LL will go spare but there may be no alternative.

And if she is drunk in charge of a child, then it is neglect - addicts are not present for their children.

FBaby

What were your financial arrangement? Does she work? If not, how did she get any money or did you pay for everything? Could it be that the money you say she stole was actually because she was getting nothing to buy essentials for the kids and herself? What did she spent the £1000s on?

If you want to go for custody (as opposed to at least joint custody), you would have to prove she is neglecting the children in a detrimental way, ie. putting them in dangerous situation, not feeding them adequately, abusing them physically/mentally. If it is the case, with a newborn, it is likely that SS will want to consider the welfare of at least the newborn. If however the issue is just that she is not a good mother, they will support her having the kids, but providing/suggesting additional support to help her with her parenting skills.

Maybe you could start by doing everything you can to be a good dad. Offer to have the older kids as much as you can so she can rest and be a supportive dad to them so they cope with the change as well as possible.

j.e.j.

If this was all only 2 days ago the feelings all around will still be raw.. would you consider trying to work through your differences together. Ask her why she took the money, what it went on, etc. I know it's bad but these things do happen. Sometimes one partner will have a gambling habit they can't confess to the other one, for example.

Or is this just the last straw, as it were.. it sounds like you had your doubts for a while and the money going missing was the last nail in the coffin.

Something that strikes me, too: if a couple is married or in a long time partnership, they usually refer to 'our' money, but there's a strong sense in your post that it's YOURs only.

Looking at it from your partner's point of view, she's done something really silly, and she's now on her own with young children, and facing the prospect of giving birth to another child, and living in social housing. Without support from someone she may well turn to alcohol, if that's how she usually deals with stress, generally. I think you both need to try and work together if you can.

Ellejmorgan

I don't see how you can say she will be drinking in September, how can you pre-judge her, It isn't September..On those grounds you will not get listened to...

I thought the council are responsible for housing, the social services don't have the same powers to house anyone, this doesn't sound right at all...

Fair enough she's 'stolen' your money and that's wrong if you'd split, I assume though if she takes the consequences you will be paying child support and seeing your children...

Are you going to help with the birth ??
What if she has a C-Section, will you help ??

MrTeacher

Argh nightmare, just had a load more abuse on the phone about how she's not got a telly in this temporary accomodation and the kids have wet clothes. She had the child benefit and £100 a week from me, I paid the rent, bills, holidays etc but kept my pay account in my name as she is awful with money- no credit rating, CCJs etc. I've already been online selling my Xbox and games and a few other bits to cover whatever I need, and my parents albeit retired and on state pensions have offered to help. A lodger is a great idea though, I'll look on gum tree and the like later.

She's asking for 'one more chance' but where can things really go now she's stolen the cash for the rent? There must be other things I don't know about too. On the alcohol front, I've not found any spirit bottles in the house and she has never been good at hiding/disposing them. She didn't drink through the last pregnancy so I've been concerned, but not really put my foot down enough... possibly in anticipation of something happening, I guess.

thegirlintheattic

Hang on, what rent did she steal the money for?

RAS

I would suggest that you get your credit records? Just in case she has opened other accounts in your name?

MrTeacher

Ellejmorgan wrote: »

I don't see how you can say she will be drinking in September, how can you pre-judge her, It isn't September..On those grounds you will not get listened to...

I thought the council are responsible for housing, the social services don't have the same powers to house anyone, this doesn't sound right at all...

Fair enough she's 'stolen' your money and that's wrong if you'd split, I assume though if she takes the consequences you will be paying child support and seeing your children...

Are you going to help with the birth ??
What if she has a C-Section, will you help ??

God, so many important questions. She went to the social who refered her to the council I believe, but it came through them initially. Her family don't want anything to do with her and won't get involved but we have a family friend helping out so I'm being updated. I will be paying CSA or whatever we arrange before it gets that far, and my lad should be in my class in September. Hopefully that'll still happen.

The birth- blimey, how do I even start thinking about that.

Thanks everyone, this is really bringing up things I'd not be thinking about but need to.