worried for my children.

lilmisschick

emsywoo123 wrote: »

You only found out 2 nights ago? So your thread from 2010.... You then thought it was all Mary poppins did you.

Perhaps you are getting the responses that you are NOT because we are all wrong, but perhaps because we are flabbergasted at your post !

The extent of it, yes.

The last thread, I was actually told the opposite. Shut up and put up, films will not hurt them. There has never been anything other than the films, take aways etc.. for me to warrant stopping them see their dad.

missgrey

I agree with everyone, what he is doing is completely wrong and he should only now be allowed to see them through supervisory action. Im gutted for the kids. I dont actually think I would have posted this the time spent typing it i would have been finding local numbers for sorting it out. Take the right action for your kids before it goes too far. No one in their right mind lets their kids watch underage stuff.
My opinion.

emsywoo123

lilmisschick wrote: »

The extent of it, yes.

The last thread, I was actually told the opposite. Shut up and put up, films will not hurt them. There has never been anything other than the films, take aways etc.. for me to warrant stopping them see their dad.

Your daughters, at least one of them, is terribly upset.

You have had meetings at school.
Social services are involved.

But you do not see how bad this is. And no point saying you do, or you wouldn't entertain the idea of him seeing them.

Ellejmorgan

missgrey wrote: »

I agree with everyone, what he is doing is completely wrong and he should only now be allowed to see them through supervisory action. Im gutted for the kids. I dont actually think I would have posted this the time spent typing it i would have been finding local numbers for sorting it out. Take the right action for your kids before it goes too far. No one in their right mind lets their kids watch underage stuff.
My opinion.

It's private law, Social services do not get involved with contact...
They only supervise contacts if the children are in their care..

You would be required to undergo mediation first before court, then the court will make a decision..

It is your word against his, is anything documented anywhere, as if not he would get unsupervised contact...
Even if you approach a contact center their help is for a limited amount of time..

Your only option is to break contact and seek legal advise, if you are not seen to protect them then the Social services could intervene...

lilmisschick

Ellejmorgan wrote: »

It's private law, Social services do not get involved with contact...
They only supervise contacts if the children are in their care..

You would be required to undergo mediation first before court, then the court will make a decision..

It is your word against his, is anything documented anywhere, as if not he would get unsupervised contact...
Even if you approach a contact center their help is for a limited amount of time..

Your only option is to break contact and seek legal advise, if you are not seen to protect them then the Social services could intervene...

Thank you so much. This is what I've been trying to find out all day. I have tried CAB but it's been engaged constantly and was hoping to hear back from social services today but like I said, my friend had already said that they won't be interested unless there are concerns around me not keeping them safe. I do not intend on allowing them to go with him anymore. I do have some bits and pieces I have written down before but surely with the girls being the ages they are, their feelings will be considered the most as they are old enough to understand how they feel.

Gosh, some people that literally want to start a fight with you on here incinuating I am naive about ss and their information was totally incorrect anyway!!

Ellejmorgan

lilmisschick wrote: »

Thank you so much. This is what I've been trying to find out all day. I have tried CAB but it's been engaged constantly and was hoping to hear back from social services today but like I said, my friend had already said that they won't be interested unless there are concerns around me not keeping them safe. I do not intend on allowing them to go with him anymore. I do have some bits and pieces I have written down before but surely with the girls being the ages they are, their feelings will be considered the most as they are old enough to understand how they feel.

Gosh, some people that literally want to start a fight with you on here incinuating I am naive about ss and their information was totally incorrect anyway!!

I'll be honest if he takes you to court he would more than likely get unsupervised, in order to take you to court he would need to show the court he has tried to resolve the issues with mediation, that btw costs £500 + vat regardless of income...

With regard to your daughter don't raise the issue of father or anything father related with her, let her ask you and try to minimise what she says but in a positive way..ie be gentle and take control but I think Dad is busy this weekend etc..

She needs to try and forget what is going on so you are not giving in because she wants you to..
Your daughter and you both need some thinking space...


Please don't rely on your friend to make judgement, allow her to support you that's fine but every single case is different and judged on different opinions..
Two contact cases can be the same and put before the judge but still have a different outcome...
Also professionally it's better that she's not in between a contact case, she could become involved too deeply

floss2

OP, do you realise that you are being an enabler to your ex behaving like this when your children are in his "care"?

You need to take positive action to avoid these situations, as soon as possible.

conradmum

What will happen when you tell him you're ceasing contact? Will he come to the door to threaten and argue about it? Do you have someone else at home who can support you if he does this?

You need to think this through carefully. Document everything that you can and have contingency plans in place.

I can understand why you don't want to upset your daughters (well, your elder daughter) even more by removing them from their dad's access, but you must remember that they're children. They don't have enough experience to be able to judge what's best for them yet.

Your eldest daughter will be feeling very guilty for telling on her dad and getting him into trouble - that's the way she'll see it anyway. You need to constantly reassure her she did the right thing and she isn't to blame. Tell her her dad's behaviour is completely unacceptable and until you can be sure he can't hurt her then you can't let her see him.

I can't emphasise this enough. You need to be gentle but very clear that the decision about seeing him is yours, not hers. She needs to understand she isn't to blame for the situation because you can be as sure as anything that that's what he'll tell her the next time he sees her (if ever).

Personally, I'd write to him and tell him exactly why you're ceasing contact until such a time as you can be reassured of your children's safety in his company. Keep a copy obviously. Tell him you will only communicate with him by letter or email. Tell him that if he comes to your house you won't open the door and you'll call the police because of his history of violence against you.

Good luck. It's a very difficult situation and you'll need to be very strong and assertive. But you are doing the right thing.

paddedjohn

OP, how can you come on here asking strangers for advice when you know all this is going on? You as their Mother should know the answer straight away, as a Mother its your duty, your job, to protect your kids but it doesnt sound to me that you are prepared to do that.
You say you have just found all this out, well your first move should have been to contact their Father and stop contact, not talk to their teachers.
Not trying to be harsh but you really need a kick up the ar*e and that could be on its way if social services have got the same story that you have given us.

FBaby

I cant believe how judgemental the responses are. I suspect most are not in a situation they can relate too and are clueless to the fact that if you'd stopped contact before the situation would have got much worse. The courts support accessalmost no matter what and certainly don't take much attention to anecdotal reporting from the pwc without clear evidence. They might listen to the kids if they are old smooth but if the kids say they still want contact that is not going to help. The father it's clearly a manipulative man who souls most likely play the victim role and then make their lives worse after the aftermath.
OP I don't think you've handled it badly by gaining evidence before doing something about it. Now that your daughter had spoken to the teacher they will take your concerns more seriously and hopefully help you dealing with the situation through mediation our the courts if necessary. Good luck. I know what it is like to feel you have no control over an ex who himself control the children emotionally. thank good my situation it's nothing like yours but it makes you realise how vulnerable you are. it is not easy to prove a parent is being abusive.