I'm feeling sensitive and need to let it out - pregnancy

thatgirlsam

mishkanorman wrote: »

yes, I have actually and all the way through you are responding to people and arguing that the midwife is right to say what she said,

you may have given that advice to the OP at the start but ever since then you seem to be intent on making her feel worse about her situation by going over stuff that isnt relevant.

Of course I am going to reply to people! Isn't that what discussion is about?

I do think the midwife is right to give the information. And I think if she said it in a rude way then the OP should point this out.

I don't think I have been rude to anyone and it is not my intention to make the OP feel worse.

Nicki

The fact is that this OP has felt unhappy about her weight for quite some time, and has begun threads before about the issue before she was even pregnant. So, it isnt a question that the feelings of inadquacy about her weight came from the midwife, as they were previously there.

It is also a fact that the same poster has also said in the past that she spends a lot on rubbish food. Shes started several threads about eating in MacDonalds regularly, and one detailing all the money she had wasted in a week, which included a trip to Macdonalds and multiple trips to Pizza Hut. So, this isn't a poster with an inexplicable weight issue, where no advice about healthy eating is required.

A number of posters have said OP cannot change her eating or exercise habits during pregnancy. AFAIK this is utter tosh. Whilst some sports are unsuitable in pregnancy, and it is inadvisable to suddenly start a very extreme fitness regime if you have never exercised before, there are lots of exercise classes which are beneficial in pregnancy, or even just increased walking and swimming, and this is beneficial for both mother and baby rather than harmful. Similarly with food. Whilst it is not advised to start a low calorie diet, if a woman is taking in more calories than she should before pregnancy, AFAIK it is not harmful to drop down to just the level that she needs to sustain a healthy pregnancy, and in fact is beneficial to the baby and to the mother to do so. So a daily intake of around 2000 calories in the first two trimesters and 2200 in the third is optimum.

OP did not so far as I can see, say that the midwife was rude to her about her weight, just that the issue of her BMI was raised, the risks explained and the sonographer was unable to get as clear a picture as she would like as a result, and that it was this which made her feel bad about herself.

Shooting thatgirlsam for having to deliver this message professionally is all well and good, but it is done with the health of the mum and baby at heart. Not even being prepared to hear the message, much less take on board any recommendations about lifestyle changes, doesn't do expectant mums any credit IMO. Continuing to overeat when already at a BMI which increases the risk to your baby is not all that different to choosing to smoke or drink alcohol during the pregnancy, yet seems from the responses here to be much more socially acceptable.

jumpingjackd

off topic a little but DGS was delivered at 33 weeks (medical reasons) and was tld he weighed under 4 lbs, he was actually 6lb 6oz! albeit very ill. The medical professions do get it wrong sometimes!

thatgirlsam

jumpingjackd wrote: »

off topic a little but DGS was delivered at 33 weeks (medical reasons) and was tld he weighed under 4 lbs, he was actually 6lb 6oz! albeit very ill. The medical professions do get it wrong sometimes!

Of course they do! But it's not really a chance you want to take is it..

Hope he is doing well!

jumpingjackd

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Of course they do! But it's not really a chance you want to take is it..

Hope he is doing well!

Again off topic but he is now a very healthy two year old and his birth had nothing to do with weight gain but blood disorder.

mumps

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Of course I am going to reply to people! Isn't that what discussion is about?

I do think the midwife is right to give the information. And I think if she said it in a rude way then the OP should point this out.

I don't think I have been rude to anyone and it is not my intention to make the OP feel worse.

Don't you think it would have been better to frocus on the fact that the OP says she has improved her diet and hasn't gained any weight between week 6 and week 20 of her pregnancy. The midwife could easily have said, "You are doing so well with you weight, gaining too much wouldn't get good for you or baby so it is great that you are keeping yourself healthy and not gaining." She would be getting the information over but in a positive way. It does remind me of my first pregnancy when everything I did was wrong. I am sure in my case it was prejudice due to my age. This continued after my very healthy son was born and in the end my GP phoned the Health Visitor and gave her a piece of his mind.

Ellejmorgan

mumps wrote: »

Don't you think it would have been better to frocus on the fact that the OP says she has improved her diet and hasn't gained any weight between week 6 and week 20 of her pregnancy. The midwife could easily have said, "You are doing so well with you weight, gaining too much wouldn't get good for you or baby so it is great that you are keeping yourself healthy and not gaining." She would be getting the information over but in a positive way. It does remind me of my first pregnancy when everything I did was wrong. I am sure in my case it was prejudice due to my age. This continued after my very healthy son was born and in the end my GP phoned the Health Visitor and gave her a piece of his mind.

I was 20 when I had my 1st, I was treated like a child even though I was married, to the point that one member of staff thought my hubby was my dad and my sister-in-law who was there for delivery was my mum..

I don't really think it's an age thing as I had my 2nd a year later, I think this is a first baby thing...

I recently had my 5th, no one told me anything about anything, I wouldn't have listened anyway...

mumps

Ellejmorgan wrote: »

I was 20 when I had my 1st, I was treated like a child even though I was married, to the point that one member of staff thought my hubby was my dad and my sister-in-law who was there for delivery was my mum..

I don't really think it's an age thing as I had my 2nd a year later, I think this is a first baby thing...

I recently had my 5th, no one told me anything about anything, I wouldn't have listened anyway...

I was 17 and married and I do think it was an age thing with me, as I said earlier when I was told by a doctor to stop putting weight on I got told of by MW for not putting weight on a month later, I was carrying a baby that was over 9 lb and clearly the baby was thriving but I was told I was endangering the baby as I wasn't gaining enough weight. Dr obviously got it wrong four weeks earlier when he said I had put enough on and should cut back and not gain any/much more.

When baby was born it continued, HV always seemed to be looking for a problem and couldn't really find one. He was bonny, very healthy and developing well. Didn't seem to please her at all. In the end I was told to restrict his food as he was gaining too much weight, I was breast feeding. When I went to see Dr about something else he asked how things were and I just mentioned what she said. He phoned her and told her she was not to make any more comments like that. I continued to go to baby clinic to have him weighed and the HV never spoke to me again. When I look at photos now I can see how young I looked, more like 14 than 17 and people often asked how my baby brother was and how good I was to help my mother with the baby. I wish I looked that young now.