I'm feeling sensitive and need to let it out - pregnancy

mishkanorman

thatgirlsam wrote: »

It's not a case of telling women not to put on weight. It's a case of making women aware in the potential complications that could come about. Otherwise what is the point in midwifery care at all? The main concern is to keep Mum and baby safe!

And this means giving information, however uncomfortable that might be. Do you really think that women should be un-informed about what is happening or could be happening in their pregnancy??

So, like in the case of the OP, you've made her 'aware' - then what ?

The OP cant go on any diet/exercise routine that isnt the norm for them so any weight loss now will only be minimal, and that hasnt even been suggested here so all the midwife has effectively done has pointed out the obvious ! several times by the sounds of it.

I agree with your argument if the OP wasnt already quite far into a pregnancy, but as they are and cant do much about their BMI right now it can only make them feel rubbish about themselves.

OP, I would request to change midwife, I sure as hell wouldnt want such a negative person around me at such an emotional time.

thatgirlsam

mishkanorman wrote: »

So, like in the case of the OP, you've made her 'aware' - then what ?

The OP cant go on any diet/exercise routine that isnt the norm for them so any weight loss now will only be minimal, and that hasnt even been suggested here so all the midwife has effectively done has pointed out the obvious ! several times by the sounds of it.

I agree with your argument if the OP wasnt already quite far into a pregnancy, but as they are and cant do much about their BMI right now it can only make them feel rubbish about themselves.

OP, I would request to change midwife, I sure as hell wouldnt want such a negative person around me at such an emotional time.

Then it down to the individual woman to take responsibilty!

Women do get lots of pregnancy information about eating healthily and yes, you can exercise! Aqua-natal is good.

I would have thought most women would want to be careful about gaining too much weight during pregnancy, but there are those who decide to lay on the sofa for 9 months eating unhealthy foods. Don't kid yourself that there is not.

mishkanorman

But the OP's issue isnt the weight she is gaining but the weight she already has !

She is being made to feel upset about something that doesnt have a quick fix solution and thats something no health professional should do, if the comments were made regarding smoking or taking drugs I can understand why the midwife will feel the need to repeat the comments (i would have put advice here but doesnt sound like she is even taking it from a health point of view, more a 'you and your fat !!!! have made my job harder')

I think the OP is being bullied by someone who should know better.

thatgirlsam

mishkanorman wrote: »

But the OP's issue isnt the weight she is gaining but the weight she already has !

She is being made to feel upset about something that doesnt have a quick fix solution and thats something no health professional should do, if the comments were made regarding smoking or taking drugs I can understand why the midwife will feel the need to repeat the comments (i would have put advice here but doesnt sound like she is even taking it from a health point of view, more a 'you and your fat !!!! have made my job harder')

I think the OP is being bullied by someone who should know better.

Oh purlease!

It is advice so that any woman overweight is CAREFUL about how much weight they gain. The idea is to minimise the risk! What woman in their right mind wouldn't want to do everything they possibly can, given the circumstances, to reduce any potential risk.

It is not the Midwife's fault if the woman she is seeing is already overweight. That is beyond her control. What she CAN do is give her advice so that her pregnancy can be as healthy as possible. Hard to beleive that some people have a problem with this!

jumpingjackd

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Then it down to the individual woman to take responsibilty!

Women do get lots of pregnancy information about eating healthily and yes, you can exercise! Aqua-natal is good.

I would have thought most women would want to be careful about gaining too much weight during pregnancy, but there are those who decide to lay on the sofa for 9 months eating unhealthy foods. Don't kid yourself that there is not.

And you know that the OP is laying on the sofa stuffing themselves? with all the unhealthy foods? Get a grip! With all my children, 4, I worked until I went in to deliver them as had own business and could not afford to take any time off but still gained weight, was also back workimg within a couple of days! after delivery!
Wouldnt it be great if we were all so perfect!

Ellejmorgan

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Absolutley! I do wish women who say that sort of thing would come and work in a maternity unit. Their eyes would soon be opened

I fully agree with this, I can't post what happened to me due to the OP being pregnant, lets just say I had the worst complication of pregnancy that it's possible to have..
Sometimes I think it might be better not to know what could happen.

My ex sister in law popped them out like peas, had 7 in total, but me I've had every single complication possible...
Some ladies seem to have such an easy time of it, others less so..

isthistrue

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Absolutley! I do wish women who say that sort of thing would come and work in a maternity unit. Their eyes would soon be opened

ah yes, let's treat the fat person like they are stupid.

For the record, I am a highly qualified and skilled medical professional. I also happen to be overweight. Like most people, I have a vice and unfortunately, that vice is food. Unlike alcohol, drugs, cigarettes...you can't go cold turkey with food. You have to eat a certain amount to survive and if you've ever tried dieting, you'll know that food is everywhere. I should know better, I agree. But I struggle with my weight. So shoot me. I would also like to point out that it's not against the law to be fat, and *shock horror* fat people can even have sex and get pregnant without fear of ending up in prison

isthistrue

oops - presssed the send button before I'd finished!

The OP is looking for reassurance - like other posters, I tried to give her some. It will do neither her nor her baby any good to be stressed and upset. Of course there is a statistical probability that she may suffer problems during pregnancy and birth that she wouldn't have had she been a 'normal' weight. But plenty of people of a normal weight also suffer during pregnancy and birth for no other reason than the 1 in a million, 1 in 1000, 1 in 500 touched them and they have to deal with it. There is a fine line and something called 'bedside manner'. Letting the OP know that she may suffer complications is one thing, using it as a stick to beat her with is quite another.

mildred1978

My weight/BMI weren't measured until I was 18 weeks gone, and despite apparently being over 30 (both age and BMI) I was considered healthy enough for midwife led care. I was not asked to have a glucose test, or any extra testing, and only saw a consultant at 40 weeks because my son had his bottom sticking out at the front and they couldn't work out which way up he was.

He weighed 8.5lbs when he eventually arrived, 2 weeks late via forceps due to the awkward shape of my pelvis (which could well be a hereditary issue due to the big boobs that run in the family).

thatgirlsam

isthistrue wrote: »

ah yes, let's treat the fat person like they are stupid.

For the record, I am a highly qualified and skilled medical professional. I also happen to be overweight. Like most people, I have a vice and unfortunately, that vice is food. Unlike alcohol, drugs, cigarettes...you can't go cold turkey with food. You have to eat a certain amount to survive and if you've ever tried dieting, you'll know that food is everywhere. I should know better, I agree. But I struggle with my weight. So shoot me. I would also like to point out that it's not against the law to be fat, and *shock horror* fat people can even have sex and get pregnant without fear of ending up in prison

Eh?? As a medically trained professional (as I am) then you should be for health promotion!

I really seemed to have touched a nerve, I'm sorry you struggle with your weight. But it doesn't mean that over weight people shouldn't receive the sometimes necessary medical intervention they may need. Like being referred for a GTT during pregnancy.