Concerned about OH's driving and attitude!

andygb

This morning, as usual, I got up at 6.00, made my OH's breakfast, and then saw her off to work. As she drove out of her parking space (not particularly tight), she reversed into one of our neighbour's cars quite hard (enough to make it move). I went out to have a look, but thankfully there was no damage (to the neighbour's car, I will have a look at ours this evening).
I have just spoken to her on the phone, and asked her to be more careful, to have more consideration for our property, but more importantly for other people's. She then had a go at me, telling me that she didn't want to hear me moaning all the time. The problem is, that over the past ten years, her attitude seems to be getting worse. She has damaged every car we have had, and doesn't seem to want to take responsibility for anything. I do all the work in the house and out (which I don't mind at the moment, because I don't have a job), but she just takes everything for granted.
The thing is, I do not want her bad attitude affecting our good relations with neighbours.
Was I right to question her about this incident?

cyclonebri1

Yes but I think you were wrong to post it here, marriage guidance anyone?.


Never a good idea to row over the phone either, it could have waited.;)

poet123

andygb wrote: »

This morning, as usual, I got up at 6.00, made my OH's breakfast, and then saw her off to work. As she drove out of her parking space (not particularly tight), she reversed into one of our neighbour's cars quite hard (enough to make it move). I went out to have a look, but thankfully there was no damage (to the neighbour's car, I will have a look at ours this evening).
I have just spoken to her on the phone, and asked her to be more careful, to have more consideration for our property, but more importantly for other people's. She then had a go at me, telling me that she didn't want to hear me moaning all the time. The problem is, that over the past ten years, her attitude seems to be getting worse. She has damaged every car we have had, and doesn't seem to want to take responsibility for anything. I do all the work in the house and out (which I don't mind at the moment, because I don't have a job), but she just takes everything for granted.
The thing is, I do not want her bad attitude affecting our good relations with neighbours.
Was I right to question her about this incident?

This isn't really about the car issue is it?

You don't have a job, but she takes everything for granted?

She is working outside the home, you are working inside the home.

Maybe she isn't a great driver, some people aren't, is that a relationship breaker?

You deal with the neighbours.

She was at work, the issue could have waited till she got home.

I sense simmering resentment on both sides here, and not about the car.

pinkteapot

Post this in the Marriages and Relationships forum - you'll probably get told to leave her.

Gordon_Hose

pinkteapot wrote: »

Post this in the Marriages and Relationships forum - you'll probably get told to leave her.

And that he's a manipulative controlling bully for not allowing his wife to smash their property up at will.

That forum section is more like a witch hunt than an advice forum!! :rotfl:

atrixblue.-MFR-.

buy her a mk3 fiesta for £200 and let her smash it to kindom come and back and her own insurance so she can rack up the claims against her till she's uninsurable, and stick to your guns about driving the more expensive car, your banned untill you look after your own car.

why should you go make peace with the neighbours for her mistake, let her come home from work and do the deed herself.

if her attitude has been declining over last few years it may have come to a point that she severely depressed and her driving skills are being impaired to the point she could possibly be a liability to other drivers, its been known for doctors to declair depression sufferers as unfit to drive through lack of concerntration and inform DVLA.

you were right to ask her to have more consideration just not over the phone in work she probably feels bad for hitting the car and probably is sat there woundering how come it happens to her all the time evertime and noone else and last thing she needs is a lecture telling her what she already knows.

think best way forward for you is to sit and talk with her calmly and point out that she has had x amount of minor bumps, and she should have a FOV test done at optitions and then bring the sensitive issue of her declining mental health contributing to he lack of concerntration behind the wheel.

andygb

poet123 wrote: »

This isn't really about the car issue is it?

You don't have a job, but she takes everything for granted?

She is working outside the home, you are working inside the home.

Maybe she isn't a great driver, some people aren't, is that a relationship breaker?

You deal with the neighbours.

She was at work, the issue could have waited till she got home.

I sense simmering resentment on both sides here, and not about the car.

It is about the car this time. Every time we get another car, she turns her nose up at it. She also has a rather over rated opinion of her own driving skills (regularly brags to work mates about how quickly she gets home, and if I criticise her driving (even in a calm, constructive way) she goes off the deep end. She never fails to remind me that she has been driving longer than me - as if that is any indication of how competent someone is.
I am bothered that she does not see anything wrong in bumping (not gently nudging) other people's property.
Also, why should I have to "deal with the neighbours" for her mistakes?

andygb

atrixblue.-MFR-. wrote: »

buy her a mk3 fiesta for £200 and let her smash it to kindom come and back and her own insurance so she can rack up the claims against her till she's uninsurable, and stick to your guns about driving the more expensive car, your banned untill you look after your own car.

why should you go make peace with the neighbours for her mistake, let her come home from work and do the deed herself.

if her attitude has been declining over last few years it may have come to a point that she severely depressed and her driving skills are being impaired to the point she could possibly be a liability to other drivers, its been known for doctors to declair depression sufferers as unfit to drive through lack of concerntration and inform DVLA.

you were right to ask her to have more consideration just not over the phone in work she probably feels bad for hitting the car and probably is sat there woundering how come it happens to her all the time evertime and noone else and last thing she needs is a lecture telling her what she already knows.

think best way forward for you is to sit and talk with her calmly and point out that she has had x amount of minor bumps, and she should have a FOV test done at optitions and then bring the sensitive issue of her declining mental health contributing to he lack of concerntration behind the wheel.

I agree that I should have probably left the conversation for this evening.
I do not think that she does care about what she has done, either to her own property or to other people's.
We have only had this car about three months, and the other week, she raked it down the side by driving alongside a hedge instead of stopping to let someone pass. When I spoke to her about that, she simply said - "It is a stupid old car anyway". The car is a 55 reg Octavia in lovely condition (please note - the condition may change for the worse on a daily/weekly basis:()
The old car method would not work, because she is very materialistic, and she is earning the money at the moment anyway, which is one of the reasons she has given in the past, for treating the car how she likes - very adult and responsible.

andygb

Gordon_Hose wrote: »

And that he's a manipulative controlling bully for not allowing his wife to smash their property up at will.

That forum section is more like a witch hunt than an advice forum!! :rotfl:

Exactly what I thought Gordon:D
This is hardly a "marriage breaker" anyway, but it just riles me when people have no consideration for others.

poet123

andygb wrote: »

This morning, as usual, I got up at 6.00, made my OH's breakfast, and then saw her off to work. As she drove out of her parking space (not particularly tight), she reversed into one of our neighbour's cars quite hard (enough to make it move). I went out to have a look, but thankfully there was no damage (to the neighbour's car, I will have a look at ours this evening).
I have just spoken to her on the phone, and asked her to be more careful, to have more consideration for our property, but more importantly for other people's. She then had a go at me, telling me that she didn't want to hear me moaning all the time. The problem is, that over the past ten years, her attitude seems to be getting worse. She has damaged every car we have had, and doesn't seem to want to take responsibility for anything. I do all the work in the house and out (which I don't mind at the moment, because I don't have a job), but she just takes everything for granted.
The thing is, I do not want her bad attitude affecting our good relations with neighbours.
Was I right to question her about this incident?

andygb wrote: »

It is about the car this time. Every time we get another car, she turns her nose up at it. She also has a rather over rated opinion of her own driving skills (regularly brags to work mates about how quickly she gets home, and if I criticise her driving (even in a calm, constructive way) she goes off the deep end. She never fails to remind me that she has been driving longer than me - as if that is any indication of how competent someone is.
I am bothered that she does not see anything wrong in bumping (not gently nudging) other people's property.
Also, why should I have to "deal with the neighbours" for her mistakes?

andygb wrote: »

I agree that I should have probably left the conversation for this evening.
I do not think that she does care about what she has done, either to her own property or to other people's.
We have only had this car about three months, and the other week, she raked it down the side by driving alongside a hedge instead of stopping to let someone pass. When I spoke to her about that, she simply said - "It is a stupid old car anyway". The car is a 55 reg Octavia in lovely condition (please note - the condition may change for the worse on a daily/weekly basis:()
The old car method would not work, because she is very materialistic, and she is earning the money at the moment anyway, which is one of the reasons she has given in the past, for treating the car how she likes - very adult and responsible.

You don't seem to like her much, if my husband slagged me off on a forum like this rather than addressed the obvious issues I would be furious.

Herzlos

When she gets in, go have a look at the car and dismantle it so it's undrivable, and tell her that's she's broke it. Maybe she'll be more careful when it starts to inconvenience her :A

Edit: It might also be worth pointing out that it's a criminal office to drive away from the scene of an accident without notifying the other party, and the legal and financial consequences (insurance premiums, etc) could be severe if the neighbor saw and reported it.