should i put one of my sons in care?

shazrobo

need some advice please. I have brought up my twin sons alone for the last 11 years with no support or help from my ex husband.
Both boys are a real handful, they have attention defecit hyperactivity disorder as well as oppositional defiant disorder. both lads take a lot of medication, to try and control there tempers/ behavious.
anyway they are always fighting and can be extremely violent. one is at a special school, unfortunatly there was no place for the other so he went to a mainstream high school, and was eventually permanently excluded. after seeing their pychiatrist today and explaining how bad they were getting, he has suggested the best solution would be to seperate them, ie. one going into care.
i'm at my wits end and dont know what to do, i cant cope with things as they are at the mo, but equally i dont think i could face putting one of my sons in care.
i have no family to give me help or support, and my friends cant help out too, as they have kids of there own
thanks for reading, any advice will be gratefully received

Bossyboots

Before you even think about putting one of your children into care, why don't you simply approach social services for some help? There are all sorts of schemes to help parents particularly in situations like yours. They may be able to offer regular respite, help around the home and access to services which may be of benefit for you.

I am appalled that a psychiatrist has made this suggestion withou suggesting you explore what is available to you first.

[Deleted User]

I don't know where you live, but there must be some kind of support groups and charities willing to help? My son has ASD and I get tons of support. You can also ask your GP for help, do not hesitate. Best of luck!

Horasio

Are you sure they are not just high spirited.

My son wasn't able to sit still till he reached 11 years old. He slept OK tho'

The amount of trouble I got from schools was terrible. My OH wasn't much use either.

I fully sympathise - I'm sure it is boys

sarahlouise210

I have 2 challenging children ...we regularly see a psychiatrist ...NEVER has he ever implied that either should go into care - despite the fact that I myself have health problems! I would never expect him to do so so and honestly think it must be unethical for them to suggest it! How could you choose ..even at the end of your tether these boys are your responsibility, your own flesh and blood and TWINS! If you really feel you cannot cope then after finding out overy avenue of help the only way out would be to put BOTH into care! To contemplate choosing one is unthinkable. I think maybe the psychiatrist should have considered maybe a different medication, cognitive behaviour therapy, respite...anthing but separate you all. I am shocked and feel for you even to ask if you should consider it you must be really down and need help yourself.

Slapps

can't offer any advice other than wot's been given but i felt the need to send you a hug cos you sound like you could do with one

(((((((((((((((((((((((((shazrobo)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

xxxx

fabianne

I can only repeat what others have said-ask for some support from your doctor or Social Services.
I don't know what else to say to you,but I personally would never be able to 'choose' between my children....and you may live to regret this.This may be a black moment in time for you-please ask for help and see if you can get a break from the constant hard work/battle?
Take care xx

lebly

Hi i am sorry you are having such problems. I have twin boys 4 going on5 both are awful, tempers, fighting, constantly having myself and my partner close to tears. I really do not think having them separated would be helpful. the bond twins have is beyond our comprehension and I do not know if it would make the matter worse if they were separated.

I would go down the route as an earlier post suggested and go to ss. I know my boys would be devastated if they were separated they get by on being apart for about 1/2 hour tops and they were not even identical.

Also would go to tamba for advice tehy may have come across this before.

Good luck xx

Janepig

Unless you want whichever child you decide to put into "care" (as if you could ever choose) to get worse, mix with whoever he wants without you knowing, being allowed to do as he likes, and generally be on the slippery slope to big trouble, then I would avoid putting either of them into "care" at all costs. I've often seen parents do this believing it was best for their child, only for that child to turn to crime/drugs, etc.. while social services turn a blind eye.

Hope you get the help you need soon.

Jxx

inkie

SHAZROBO - I note that you live in the wakefield area, are you under the CAHMS Team? Do you not have a case co-ordinator? You need to speak to Social Services asap, you seem like you are caught between a rock and hard place at the moment, but what is certain is that you need support. Also worth a try is the PALS service at Fieldhead - I would raise my concerns there about the sugguestions of the Psychiatrist.

misfire

Can't offer much advise but just wanted to offer cyber support.

Are there any local voluntary/charity/church groups who can help? It would be good to meet up with other mums who know exactly what it is like. Is it TAMBA the twin association could they help??? i am sure you are not the only twin mum who has had problems like this. Sorry sounds crap advise but was best i could think of at the mo.

I really hope you can find some help and support locally.