Would a best friend act like this?

pinkclouds

CATS wrote: »

What do you all think, am I overreacting? taking into account that she does things like this all the time. I wont even tell you what she did for my wedding.

You're not overreacting. A friend wouldn't act like that, let along a "best" friend. No way would my best mate act like that.

CATS

clearing_out_my_pockets, sorry I didnt mean my first message was that, that message was after a few days of trying to get in touch but before I managed to get hold of her family as no one was answering, after I got her message back I still called her sister and went to her mum's house, sister said she was alright and she will get her to call me back, never managed to get hold of the bf. But I only managed to get hold of her sister after a week as I work full time and couldnt go round her mum's house. After the message and her sister saying she was alright I left it at that, it took her 3 months to get in touch with me

clearing_out_my_pockets

OP, none of our opinions actually matter at the end of the day. Only you (and your husband) know all of the background information and if the two of you are happy that this is what you should do, then that should suffice

Skintski

CATS wrote: »

How can I congratulate her when I didnt even know when the baby was born? I dint go and see her because she moved in with her bf and never gave me the address, hence me turning up at her mum's house.

Don't you think waiting 3 months is a bit excessive given the length of a standard pregnancy:rotfl:

CATS

Skintski, I guess, I was just really annoyed about her attitude and left her to it. My main concern was that she was ok and she certainly was so I left her to get in touch when she was ready, what annoyed me is that I bought so many things for the baby which I told her she didnt need to buy, all went to charity as after 3 months she obviously already bought it!! anyway her text just confirmed what I knew already. Too much stress and I have my own life to concentrate on

shellsuit

You're not happy with her because she doesn't do things the way you would do them.

You asked her OH to do some work, and she obviously got the quote from her OH, that's fair enough. It sounds like you only asked her to see if you could have got the job done for free, as if it was the other way around, you would have got your OH to do a job for free.

She asked you to go for something to eat, you accepted that offer. She didn't say she was paying for the food or drinks, so that's fair enough. It sounds like you were expecting her to pay, but that wasn't the plan so how can you get upset and/or angry about that?

With regards to all this texting and calling around the time she had the baby, maybe you were pestering her (in her eyes) and she just couldn't be bothered with the agro about why she hadn't been in touch and why she didn't have you at the birth.

Maybe with regards to your party, she had gone to her sisters BBQ and the time did go quickly that she didn't notice. Maybe she preferred to spend the time with her sister, because she'd already been out with you for something to eat?

She hasn't done anything wrong as far as I can see and as for the reply...

My reply - Dont bother, hope you had fun

That just comes across as you acting like a brat because things didn't go your way.

She apologised, offered to do something else with you and you send a reply like that.

I'm sorry this all might sound harsh, but I'm just being honest.



ETA : What's with all the texting anyway? If you had baby stuff for her, why didn't you go round and give it to her? Surely you know where she lives and approx when they baby was due?

CATS

shellsuit:

She asked you to go for something to eat, you accepted that offer. She didn't say she was paying for the food or drinks, so that's fair enough. It sounds like you were expecting her to pay, but that wasn't the plan so how can you get upset and/or angry about that?

I would never had accepted her paying for me or my family, she could have offered to pay for herself? or when you ask someone to go out to eat you expet them to pay for you???
She wouldn't have paid, but the action woud have been appreciated, although reading yr reply sounds like you would automatically assume people will pay for you?

With regards to all this texting and calling around the time she had the baby, maybe you were pestering her (in her eyes) and she just couldn't be bothered with the agro about why she hadn't been in touch and why she didn't have you at the birth.
No, a simple am ok would have been fine.

Maybe with regards to your party, she had gone to her sisters BBQ and the time did go quickly that she didn't notice. Maybe she preferred to spend the time with her sister, because she'd already been out with you for something to eat? -

yeah could have been polite enough to say so thought wouldnt you??


She apologised, offered to do something else with you and you send a reply like that.
yeah "I forgot about you", I guess that can be seen as an apology



ETA : What's with all the texting anyway? If you had baby stuff for her, why didn't you go round and give it to her? Surely you know where she lives and approx when they baby was due?

Didn't have her bf address

shellsuit

CATS wrote: »

shellsuit:


I would never had accepted her paying for me or my family, she could have offered to pay for herself? or when you ask someone to go out to eat you expet them to pay for you???
She wouldn't have paid, but the action woud have been appreciated, although reading yr reply sounds like you would automatically assume people will pay for you?

How did it come about that she didn't pay for herself then? I would never assume someone was going to pay for anything for me, unless they had said so.


No, a simple am ok would have been fine.

She was probably tied up with the baby, or she was planning to reply, but she kept forgetting?


yeah could have been polite enough to say so thought wouldnt you??

Of course she could have let you know, but she didn't and has now apologised.



yeah "I forgot about you", I guess that can be seen as an apology

She said she was truly sorry, you just said in your post that she did?!...what more do you want?



ETA : What's with all the texting anyway? If you had baby stuff for her, why didn't you go round and give it to her? Surely you know where she lives and approx when they baby was due?

Didn't have her bf address

She's your best friend and vice versa but you don't know where she is living??

It's an odd relationship you both have, but from what you have said here, it six of one and half a dozen of the other.

I missed where you text her and said "I'm still waiting to hear what happened to you on Saturday"...

which I think is extremely rude.

Maybe that's why she didn't come and doesn't reply to you because of the way you talk to her??

barbiedoll

It's a bit off, asking a you out for a birthday meal and then expecting you to pay for her, if she has money worries, she shouldn't make arrangements that she can't afford. I'm not sure about the work from her BF, if he's a plumber, for instance, I wouldn't expect someone to do a horrid job like unblocking my toilet for free. I would like "mates rates" though!

TBH, anyone who called me "babes" in a text would be cut off immediately, I hate that term, especially when used by grown-up women..yuk, yuk.

Do tell.....what did she do at your wedding? We're dying to know!

Skintski

CATS wrote: »

Skintski, I guess, I was just really annoyed about her attitude and left her to it. My main concern was that she was ok and she certainly was so I left her to get in touch when she was ready, what annoyed me is that I bought so many things for the baby which I told her she didnt need to buy, all went to charity as after 3 months she obviously already bought it!! anyway her text just confirmed what I knew already. Too much stress and I have my own life to concentrate on

On a more serious note, although I can understand your annoyance
I think you may have something when you say you have your own life to concentrate on, that's very normal and you may find she's feeling the same way. It does seem like she does want to be friends after all, maybe just don't expect so much of each other.