Would a best friend act like this?

CATS

Hi All,

Sorry for the long rant and thank you for reading. I have become really upset with one of my friends and have decided that I am better off without her, pls read below and let me know if I am overreacting.

So I have known this girl since I was 12 years old, she has never really been reliable but it was fine when we were kids/teenagers, when you make plans with her you can never be sure if it's going to happen or not. A couple of years ago she gave birth to her first child, now through talk etc I was supposed to be there for the birth of the baby like she was when mine was born, anywho, I alerted my boss that any day at any time I might have to run out to go to the hospital, time came and went she gave birth and only got in touch with me 3 months after. I was pretty upset and this was the last straw for me. I cut her out and after lots of begging from her I told her exactly how I felt, told her she needs to grow up as we are not kids anymore and if we make plans she needs to stick to them.

So after apologies and promises to change we decided to make up. Now a few things recently that have made me cut her out of my life again.

Something I have broke a few weeks ago, her partner is able to fix it, so I asked her if he could take a look for me, now its not the money aspect that bothers me because I have no issue paying it, its more the action. She calls me and says, he will charge £50 because we are friends, then calls again saying it was a bit more difficult and now will be £70. Now she calls herself my best friend, if my husband would have said I am going to charge your "best friend" I would have gone mad and there is no way in hell I would have allowed him to do so. Friends do favours for each other and make other halfs do them too

2 - recently it was my birthday and she said we shoud go out to dinner on my actual bday so I said ok are you sure? and I booked the restaurant. Now this was her idea. I picked her up from her house so she didnt have to take bus etc with baby. We get to the restaurant and she walks straight in, not even an offer to pay!! taking into account that it is a buffet and only £15.99 My husband ended up paying for it. Inside I asked would you like a drink? again not even its your birthday I will get it, I dont drink alcohol and a large bottle of water is £3.50. Again not about the money, its the action, had she asked we woud have said no anyway
3 - on the weekend gone, it was my birthday and hubby threw me a party, it was a big milestone bday and I told her 4 weeks in advance. The day came and she didnt turn up, not even a text to say sorry couldnt make it. I am still waiting to hear from her.

I think now I have reached the point where I feel like I dont want to waste my time with people who are not worth it.

What do you all think, am I overreacting? taking into account that she does things like this all the time. I wont even tell you what she did for my wedding.

PinkLipgloss

I think you already know the answer and I can't understand your reluctance to get rid.

You are well out of that "friendship".

tea_lover

Why are you even thinking about it?

Spidergirl76

I have just been berated on another thread for ending toxic friendships as apparently that is not what you are 'supposed' to do and you are 'supposed' to somehow try to find fault and blame with yourself for how it has turned out...

But I would definitely end the friendship in your situation. You would be well rid of your friend.

HeadAboveWater

Friendships are two-way. Both sides have to give and take on an even level. It does sound like you're doing a lot of the giving, regardless of whether it's time or money, and she's taking it for granted.

I don't think you're over-reacting. I'd have done the same. We don't need 'friends' like that.

HeadAboveWater

Spidergirl76 wrote: »

I have just been berated on another thread for ending toxic friendships as apparently that is not what you are 'supposed' to do and you are 'supposed' to somehow try to find fault and blame with yourself for how it has turned out...

But I would definitely end the friendship in your situation. You would be well rid of your friend.

Hey. Seen your thread and was gonna post my support to you, but there was a slanging match going on and it completely put me off I do think you did the right thing too.

Errata

I was supposed to be there for the birth of the baby like she was when mine was born, anywho, I alerted my boss that any day at any time I might have to run out to go to the hospital, time came and went she gave birth and only got in touch with me 3 months after

You were on no speaks for three months? You didn't ring someone immediately when she didn't contact you to find out if she was dead or alive?
I think you're two of a kind - acquaintances as it appears neither of you understands the concept of friendship.

CATS

Pinklipgloss, you are right I do, just a bit sad as I really wanted to be part of her daughter life but she is so inconsiderate I just dont want the stress. I guess I was questioning if I am just being emotional about it. But deep down I know its the right thing to do.

Dustykitten

With regard to paying a close friend of mine charged me for some coaching work she did with my son. Hubbie was furious as the number of times I have looked after her kids, collected them from school etc far exceeded the time she spent. I think the problem comes if it is what somebody does for a living and is usually paid then should they do it for free for a friend?

Whist we are still friends I now have no difficulty in saying no to looking after her kids.

Different people have different expectations, the amount the same person expected a cleaner to do in 3 hours was ridiculous. That ended very soon too.

How much is it the money thing (you say it is not about the money several times but it clearly is to some extent) and how much is it about her letting you down?

CATS

Errata I think you should have asked the question rather than assume. I rang her and rang her and rang her sister and rang her boyfriend and turned up at her mum's house, all said she was fine and they will get her to call me. I left a message at first saying if she didnt call me I was going straight to the police as I didnt know if she was ok or not. Rude message saying "dont threaten me I am fine I will get in touch when am ready!! ok I accepted it as long as she was ok.

CATS

Dustykitten, trust me its not about the money I can afford to pay her, in fact I now wish I wouldn't have been in such a rush to have it fixed and just taken it to a shop, saying that it still took a week. I dont know how to explain it, I guess I feel let down, maybe because I am going on my own expectations, I would have never charged a friend for anything, the number of times she has called me to pick her up at night, I have lent her money which I have never expected back and never got back this was a few years ago etc but I never even thought of asking back for my money let alone charge her for something. I hope that makes sense