Splitting up with a partner...

bramble1

Cat - my intention is to have the talk tomorrow morning.. Get it over and done with. thanks xx

Cat501

bramble1 wrote: »

Cat - my intention is to have the talk tomorrow morning.. Get it over and done with. thanks xx

good luck honey, won't be easy!! Stay strong!! xx

Pollycat

bramble1 wrote: »

I think I can go stay with my mum for a while, till I can get a deposit together. But thing is my OH can't afford the place we are in on his own, where as I can. But It's not really fair for me to ask him to leave here when I'm the one who wants to call it quits.

My biggest worry is our dog, i love him so much and I'm not sure what would happen to him, I'd never give him up without a fight, but its got to be about who can give him the best lifestyle.

I really worry about what my OH will do when i tell him too.

If you think about it, this doesn't really make sense.

You can afford to stay in your home on your own.
He can't.
So, if he can't afford to live in your house/flat, he'll have to leave anyway.

So, does it make more sense for you to stay where you are (assuming you want to) instead of both of you having to find alternative accommodation?

Would this option allow you to keep your dog?

YoungBaker

Keep us posted, hope it went well this morning.

timeou

Just popping my head in to say good luck. The quicker you do it the quicker you can start to get over it (and he will too) I can can assure you you will feel that the whole world has lifted from your shoulders.

A long time ago I was in the same position and I dithered for 2 years then evetually got married after pressure from him to commit. 6 months later I walked out after realising I'd made the worst mistake of my life. Luckily there were no children involved and yes, whilst it was a painful few months afterwards ( I felt extremely guilty for himand the rest of the family who had given us a lovely wedding) and there was a lot of hassle getting me off the mortgage, I was 100 times happier just waking up in the morning.
I soon met a wonderful man and am now happily married with 2 lovely children.
Just do it - please don't waste your life like I did - you will look back and be sure that you did the right thing - for both of you.

BitterAndTwisted

My own feeling is that you know you are abut to cause him terrible but unavoidable emotional pain, but please do not compound that by causing him financial ruin at the same time.

The truly decent thing to do would be to continue to pay your share of the rent until you can give notice on the property.

bramble1

So....i told him, after some dutch courage, but i did it.

He wants a month to try make things work, my point is that I'm not sure i want a month, he should have made the effort in the first place.

He agreed that he'd have to move home and I'd stay here. Custody of dog we didn't mention but I think i'd get it.

I feel alot better now it's in the open.

January20

Asking for a month to make things work is just a delaying tactic of course. He is hoping that you will change your mind. He's already had second chances and opportunities to make it work hasn't he?

I was going to write earlier in the week that you may have to break up via letter even if, in my opinion, it's the coward's way out, but your partners sounds so emotionally manipulative (pleading, crying, bargaining for time,etc) that you could still be trying to break up in 10 years' time at this rate! Just be careful.

Pollycat

I agree with January.
You've done the hardest part and told him.
Don't let him persuade you to prolong the agony if you're sure that it's over - although from this

my point is that I'm not sure i want a month

are you really sure it's over?
Why wouldn't you say 'no, no more chances'?

Agreeing to a month to see how things go is just being cruel to both of you if you know you don't want him.

bramble1

we just had a talk and a cry, he is devastated and it's heart breaking to see him so upset. But i told him I can't force myself to love him no matter what he does to try and change things.

I feel so horrible right now.