Splitting up with a partner...

bramble1

Thanks guys. I feel much better now. I know it's something that I need to do for me, I've been putting his feelings first for too long and need to think about me instead.

Maryland_Cookie

I split up with my OH 6 months ago, and if I can add my two pennoth - its hard, it's still hard. Be honest with him, but don't give him false hope that you will get back together, if that's it, that's it. I did and it was the worst thing I did. I thought I was being kind, and being there for him when he was distraught and upset, but it just gave him false hope that I still loved him and wanted him back. Stay strong and stick to your guns if you're sure this is what you want. Good luck x x

Mojisola

bramble1 wrote: »

I need to sit down with him and just be open and honest. It's so hard. I'm currently writing all my feelings down to get my head clear and to know what to say.

Why not give it to him as a letter? As soon as you start discussing it, it will become emotional and he will stop hearing what you're saying.

bramble1

I've written as a letter at the suggestion of a close friend who went through a similar thing a few years back, I don't think i could give it to him, although I tried to give a negative about my self towards the relationship for every one I've given about him, the fact of the matter is I don't love him, and thats what i need to get across to him....

BugglyB

Someone once said to me about the end of a relationship, you just have to be prepared to 'be the bad guy'. Be respectful and don't be mean, but don't try and find a way to do it without hurting him, and don't try and 'help him through it' because thats not realistic, and will just confuse matters. Be brief, be clear, get the hell out of there for a couple of weeks and let the dust settle before making any big decisions about who lives where.

Mojisola

bramble1 wrote: »

I've written as a letter at the suggestion of a close friend who went through a similar thing a few years back, I don't think i could give it to him, although I tried to give a negative about my self towards the relationship for every one I've given about him, the fact of the matter is I don't love him, and thats what i need to get across to him....

I wouldn't do this because it gives him the opportunity to counter it - "I don't mind that you're like that!".

If the basic truth is that you don't love him, make that the start and end of it. Anything else is window-dressing.

BugglyB

Mojisola is right - the worst is when someone starts on with 'I dont deserve you' etc!

bramble1

I know. I don't love him, i just need to tell him. rip off the bandaid.

Mojisola

bramble1 wrote: »

I know. I don't love him, i just need to tell him. rip off the bandaid.

I had to do this once because there were things I couldn't live with but I knew he would promise to make all the changes and he wouldn't stick to them. Very hard to do and it makes you look awful but it's the cleanest way to do it.

BugglyB

Ah bramble1 its awful though because you're obviously a nice person otherwise you wouldn't care! I hope you have some support as well. Be kind to yourself x