Splitting up with a partner...

bramble1

I have come to the desicion that I no longer love my fiancee and am struggling to actually end it with him.

It's not a desicion I've made lightly, I just no longer have feelings for him, I can't see a future with him and just think I need to be on my own to focus on my life.

I tried to suggest us taking a break after a pretty big arguement last weekend, but he begged me to stay, and it was like kicking a puppy, I couldn't go through with it. He was great to me the rest of the day, then Monday back to his normal self. .
I know I am by no means perfect and in the same way he's not willing to change, neither am I.

But how do i do it?
where will i live?

I'm on holiday with my friends in a week's time and wanted to wait till after that to break it to him in the hope that a week without me will help him realise he doesn't 'need' me.

arghhhh. being a grown up is hard.

DUTR

I don't know, but I don't envy you or his position, suppose the long of it though better to end soonish than after an expensive wedding and all that may follow.

bright_side

I finished with my fiance last Sunday after 6 years together. It isn't easy knowing that you've trampled on someones heart However, it is kinder than staying with someone you don't love anymore - that's not fair on either of you and hopefully they will see that eventually. I'm a firm believer in all the cliches though - if it's meant to be it will be, everything happens for a reason, when one door closes etc etc.

You have to do what's right for you - if you can't be true to yourself, you can't be true to anyone.

Best of luck xx

Errata

"I'm, very sorry Fred, but our relationship isn't working for me anymore. I need some time out so I'm moving out on xxxxxxx but will stay in touch" should do it. If you're old enough to live with someone, you're old enough to treat them with respect and certainly old enough to find alternative accommodation.

bramble1

We've nearly been together for 6 years too...how did you do it?

I know I need to do something, I just need to man up and get it done with.

emerald_starcat

Have you got any friends or family you can stay with for a while until you can save enough money to get a deposit for a flat?
It is hard to break up with someone and there isn't an easy way. You have to be cruel to be kind.
Good luck, once you have done it, there will be a huge weight lifted off your shoulders.

Bitsy_Beans

Oh bramble sorry to hear this

Sad fact is its going to hurt no matter how you do it. But the longer you leave it the harder it gets. Be firm, don't be vague or give hope for reconciliation where there cannot be any and make so enquiries into alternative living arrangements.

Good luck xxxx

bramble1

I think I can go stay with my mum for a while, till I can get a deposit together. But thing is my OH can't afford the place we are in on his own, where as I can. But It's not really fair for me to ask him to leave here when I'm the one who wants to call it quits.

My biggest worry is our dog, i love him so much and I'm not sure what would happen to him, I'd never give him up without a fight, but its got to be about who can give him the best lifestyle.

I really worry about what my OH will do when i tell him too.

Barneysmom

If you've made up your mind, why is it so hard to tell him, doesn't he suspect this is coming?
All you can do is be straight with him.

bramble1

I think he knows something is up, but when I tried to suggest leaving last week to stay at my mum's he just pleaded and cried and begged me not to leave.

I need to sit down with him and just be open and honest. It's so hard. I'm currently writing all my feelings down to get my head clear and to know what to say.

flutterbyuk25

Aww bramble hun, sorry to hear this x

It will be tough but you need to do it sooner rather than later. He will be upset/angry etc but this is a normal reaction. I echo Bitsy, be firm, don't give any hope, explain clearly, and most importantly have a plan in place for moving out (temp or perm)

Good luck xx