Splitting up with a partner...

Bangton

I feel so sorry for you being in this position....and him. I echo what others have said before and wish you nothing but luck. I'd probably tell him before I went away though to give him chance to absorb it whilst your gone

YoungBaker

What the actual...? I don't really get why everyone is sitting giving you so much sympathy here and feeling oh so sorry for you.

If you actually don't wanna be with this guy, have the common decency to stop prancing about the issue and tell him it straight. Do you have any idea how devastated he would likely be if he found out you sat on here discussing with everyone how much you don't love him but just dont know how to say to it to him, then jet off on a nice holiday with your pals whilst hes none the wiser living his life - then you come home and say 'oh by the way'.

I do get it that you obviously care for him and are trying to do it tactfully enough without causing him too much pain, but I find the fact you can actually discuss on an internet forum with strangers just how much you dont love him and asking advise how to break up with the guy shows exactly how just over your relationship is - so go have the decency to stop being self centred about it, tell him and both get on with your lives.

Cat501

aww bramble god, can't really give you any advice, but I know you can do this and I know you will do it in a kind way. Even if you are the one who wants to end it, there are still huge feelings of loss and grief. Take care of yourself xxx

Cat501

Allan_r_123 wrote: »

What the actual...? I don't really get why everyone is sitting giving you so much sympathy here and feeling oh so sorry for you.

If you actually don't wanna be with this guy, have the common decency to stop prancing about the issue and tell him it straight. Do you have any idea how devastated he would likely be if he found out you sat on here discussing with everyone how much you don't love him but just dont know how to say to it to him, then jet off on a nice holiday with your pals whilst hes none the wiser living his life - then you come home and say 'oh by the way'.

I do get it that you obviously care for him and are trying to do it tactfully enough without causing him too much pain, but I find the fact you can actually discuss on an internet forum with strangers just how much you dont love him and asking advise how to break up with the guy shows exactly how just over your relationship is - so go have the decency to stop being self centred about it, tell him and both get on with your lives.

!!!!!!. Because it's an anonymous forum and she feels more loyal doing this than talking to friends who probably know them both?

She cares about this man, it's !!!!!!! hard for her!! Give her a break!!

bramble1

Allan_r_123 wrote: »

What the actual...? I don't really get why everyone is sitting giving you so much sympathy here and feeling oh so sorry for you.

If you actually don't wanna be with this guy, have the common decency to stop prancing about the issue and tell him it straight. Do you have any idea how devastated he would likely be if he found out you sat on here discussing with everyone how much you don't love him but just dont know how to say to it to him, then jet off on a nice holiday with your pals whilst hes none the wiser living his life - then you come home and say 'oh by the way'.

I do get it that you obviously care for him and are trying to do it tactfully enough without causing him too much pain, but I find the fact you can actually discuss on an internet forum with strangers just how much you dont love him and asking advise how to break up with the guy shows exactly how just over your relationship is - so go have the decency to stop being self centred about it, tell him and both get on with your lives.

I was geared up to do it tonight, but he's come home ***** faced and passed out, not the best scene to break up with someone.... I plan on doing it tomorrow. Like i said earlier, I just need to rip off the band aid and deal with the pain that comes after it.

It's a massive thing for me, and I don't open up to my close freinds - you can't trust people you know... so to talk it through before doing seems fairly sensible.

But you are 100% right and I know what I want and just need to do it.

YoungBaker

bramble1 wrote: »

I was geared up to do it tonight, but he's come home ***** faced and passed out, not the best scene to break up with someone.... I plan on doing it tomorrow. Like i said earlier, I just need to rip off the band aid and deal with the pain that comes after it.

It's a massive thing for me, and I don't open up to my close freinds - you can't trust people you know... so to talk it through before doing seems fairly sensible.

But you are 100% right and I know what I want and just need to do it.

I hope you dont think I was too harsh or anything but I was only trying to reiterate the point you made yourself - it is like ripping off a band aid and the sooner you do it the better it will be for all of you (hey you will be on holiday and get more time to clear your head whilst he has space too to decide his own plan of action).

I just know how I would feel if I found out my fiance had sat on here chatting to strangers (albeit I appreciate they are anonymous for advice so easier to open up to) but all the same I would still be pretty hurt if that was the case and I was none the wiser.

If you dont mind me asking why is it you no longer are in love, if you were at one point ready to marry him? Are you definite you could never refind that spark again?

bramble1

Allan_r_123 wrote: »

I hope you dont think I was too harsh or anything but I was only trying to reiterate the point you made yourself - it is like ripping off a band aid and the sooner you do it the better it will be for all of you (hey you will be on holiday and get more time to clear your head whilst he has space too to decide his own plan of action).

I just know how I would feel if I found out my fiance had sat on here chatting to strangers (albeit I appreciate they are anonymous for advice so easier to open up to) but all the same I would still be pretty hurt if that was the case and I was none the wiser.

If you dont mind me asking why is it you no longer are in love, if you were at one point ready to marry him? Are you definite you could never refind that spark again?

Not at all, I just need to man up, do it and deal with the concequences.

There are few, his lack of interest in my family (i go to his family do's, he wouldn't even go to my gdads funeral) , lack of willingness to help around the house, not wanting me to see my friends, telling me i can/can't get tattoo/peircing (not actually got any but don't tell me what I can/can't do) a few other bits that i can't/won't divulge on here - but the fact he treats me like !!!!... I've given up.

He wants a housewife....i've tried i can't be a housewife....I'm not right for him/he's not right for me.

Cat501

Poor you bramble I remember from reading other threads how devastated you were at the loss of your grandad, so your OHs failure to support you there speaks volumes.

Added to the fact that he sounds like a complete control freak

I was coming at this from the angle that this was a nice man who loved you to bits but just wasn't right for you. I'm thinking differently now. I can't help but think you don't really owe him very much at all xx

bramble1

Cat501 wrote: »

Poor you bramble I remember from reading other threads how devastated you were at the loss of your grandad, so your OHs failure to support you there speaks volumes.

Added to the fact that he sounds like a complete control freak

I was coming at this from the angle that this was a nice man who loved you to bits but just wasn't right for you. I'm thinking differently now. I can't help but think you don't really owe him very much at all xx

We used to be great, but things have changed, and i would NEVER act how he did should any member of his family fall ill.

We just aren't right of each other, as much as he will try to convince me we are.

I ignored it before but i can think of 7 different friends (i.e some are mine only some are his only - who have all said i can do better....)

Cat501

Honey, it's good to have the opinion of friends, but really the only opinion that matters is yours!! And you know you can do better, you know you're not going to put up with anyone telling you what you can or can't do (how bloody dare he!!??), and it's better dealing with trauma by yourself than with someone who won't support you!

I really wish you the all the best. I think it would probably be better to do it before you go away so it's not hanging over you, but it's your call x